Tea Leaves & Common Sense...

STOLEN...

2012-01-28T15:42:00.001-08:00

He’s not mine, I’m not his …
Yet the magnetic pull
Between us boggles the mind.
We make no sense
Outside of stolen moments
When hands grope for places
And things oft talked about
When clothing feels like prisons
When eye contact speaks volumes
And a tough transmits the sexual electricity
Between us – the current that shouldn’t be
Whispers of words that
Translate willingly into “Fuck me please”.
The scent of each other’s skin
The sound of our voices
The glimpse into each other’s thoughts
Thoughts consumed by the possibility
Of further stolen moments
When we consummate this mind blinding need
To sweetly fuck till the need subsides,
But it doesn’t…
To touch and to taste till there’s nothing new,
But yet there is …
There will always be a yen for
Stolen moments
Secret times, illicit sweetness
Blind release, and naughty, naughty musings…

SWEET OBSESSION...

2012-01-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

So, you’re not a writer.
So you say…
You’re a doer…
Let me tell you, baby
That your actions are
Your words
And your words, your pen.
You weave quite the story with the movement of those
Sweet, sexy lips,
With the movement of your hands …
With the promises of the bulge in your jeans –
The bulge you say
Was created by the
The thought of my warm, soft flesh, pressed against
The masculine plains of
Your body’s landscape.

Would that I would
Be permitted to run
My hands over your
Willing geography
Oh … to be permitted
To explore you from
The top of your head
To the soles of your feet
And do let me stop
At the fountain that’s
Strategically placed
In the centre of it all.

Let me drink from
That spout, in the
Same way that you talk of worshipping at
My Holy Oasis.
Let me lay my
Ever yielding body –
Open as it is –
Down upon your
Dessert sands, which
Spring to life fully
At my touch

Let me taste the
Brown sugar that
Is your beautiful skin.
Let me become one with
You on this sweet ride
Into total oblivion
And release
Let me – just this once –
Let you bring us both
To completeness as we
Find the time and place
To truly give in to
This sweet, shared
And treasured obsession.

January 9, 2012

My Dear Future Husband...

2011-06-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

I found the original of this post on Daily Diva, and I fell madly in love with it. I have edited it to suit me, and I'm positive that any of us reading this can mentally edit it to suit ourselves.

Enjoy!

Dear Future Husband,

I am not a morning person…never have been…never will be, but I do look forward to waking up to you every single morning that The Creator gives us together.

Music is my blood…without it…there is no life…and essentially there is no me.

I am a proud alumnus of the Diego Martin Government Secondary School and I don’t play any game when it comes to trash talking my alma mater. Translation: You don’t want no trouble.

I want you to be the head. There is no “I” in team. Let’s build this house together. I’ve proven that I can do it on my own; I’m ready to do it with you.

I’m perfectly imperfect and wouldn’t change a thing that didn’t need to be changed. Life to me is about infinite possibilities and you learn and grow from mistakes just as you do from blessings.

I need space…but I also need you.

My mouth…can and will get me into trouble. Sometimes I can be misunderstood, but please know my intentions are always good.

God, Loyalty, Trust, Respect, Honesty, Humor…our foundation

I will never take myself too seriously.

I am blessed and honored to be on this journey with you.

I'm here and I’m waiting,
Dee

2011-06-13T12:58:00.000-07:00

Come see me perform with my friends - the Eastern Youth Chorale on Saturday June 25th, 2011 from 8PM at All Saint's Church, Marly Street, Port of Spain.

The tickets are $120.00

Contact me through this blog or those of you who have my mobile, do the same.

This is goingt o be a wonderful show that you should not miss!!!

MAY 24, 2011 - ONE YEAR AFTER ... HOW YUH FEEL?

2011-05-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

I chose the title for this blog without giving much thought to the fact that I have an infamously short fuse; not to mention a way-too-low tolerance for bullshit.

How do I feel --- REALLY?? The first words that spring to mind are … “WHAT??? YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT???!”, so incredulous is the question. The person who asks this has honestly been living under a huge-ass rock for a year.

NYEH NYEH – I TOLD YOU SO…
In a way, I feel vindicated. I said that no good would come of this holy People’s Partnership alliance and so far, no good has.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that promises were their supposed future and broken promises are their present. There are thousands of citizens who are now mumbling and grumbling as they wonder why they signed on with the party in power – particularly the public servants and the people once employed by the CPEP programme. These are the people that they wooed, wined and dined with promises of higher wages, of job security, of integration into the services, of nests feathered with an endless supply of monetary goodies. They promised milk and honey and delivered cardboard and charcoal.

“COME CELEBRATE OUR YEAR OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS!”
Uhhhh … hello!!! What accomplishments?? You have done nothing more than take the credit for plans, projects and policies already in train; and not only have you taken the credit, you’ve been petty as hell about it. A prime example of same would be the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Powder Magazine Walk Over – the one with the elevators and ramps on both sides. This was the brainchild of then Minister of Works, Hon. Colm Imbert, yet JACK-IN-THE-BOX cuts the ribbon and does not deem it fit to invite Mr Imbert because as JACKASS-BOY puts it “H-h-h-h-e-e take t-t-tooo long!” PETTINESS!!!

The project is not … WAS not yours to take the glory for. It has been the same cry nationwide. None of your ideas have been original, so basically you’re doing stitches for another surgeon’s operation, Drs. Dread.

Mr Panday was brilliantly precise when he described the PP Government as FUNCITONAL, because that’s all you’ve been doing – going to functions; that and increasing your frequent flyer miles.

I BEEN HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE…
Must be nice travelling every other week, especially when you don’t have to pay. Why should you when there are so many giving taxpayers to rob … I mean rely on. It’s gotta be good being the PM – or one of her ministers/friends/family members/dog/cat/parakeet/hairdresser/stylists/side piece … cuz you know you’ll eventually get a trip or a hundred to somewhere. It must be great turning up in some foreign land or another, showing off your entourage – all under the guise of seeking the country’s interest. I’m sure that I’m not the only one awaiting the arrival of all of these supposed foreign investors for Trini … and I mean new ones, not the ones already courted by the former regime and the ones who were already putting ideas into action and landing on our shores. So yeah … you’re the ONLY one believing your hype.

HOW DO I REALLY FEEL??!
As a nation we feel hoodwinked, bamboozled, duped and run amok upon.

Personally I’M MAD AS HELL. Everyone who had a yellow t-shirt, some doubt and a voice went the way of CHANGE. Yeah we got change alright. We had a dollar and we changed it for five cents. Right now it looks as if we are still owed four of those five. Some of the newly disenchanted are attempting to soothe their wounds by saying that it wasn’t change but EXCHANGE.

BULLSHIT

This was not exchange, by any rate. Yes we had mismanagement, but dammit, it was manageable. There were instances of nepotism, but not like this. Crime existed and has always been a problem, but not on SO HIGH a level – and yes the rate is high, not matter how they attempt to doctor the headlines. There are crimes being committed and people being killed that are not being reported in a nasty attempt to drive the figures down. Racism is at an all time high, but hey … we’re alright – right???!

I am sick to my stomach as I watch my country unravel at its jagged seams.

We are sitting on a powder keg people. Wake up and smell the Johnny Walker Double Black and Grey Goose flavored coffee – a mixture that leaves a stench of vomit, greed, sex, lies, innuendo and ‘other’ unholy alliances behind.

Change? Yeah … change for the worst, alright …

Exchange? OH HELL NO!!! Not by along shot!!!

Are you prepared to deal with this particularly nightmarish scenario for another four years???

Be honest with yourself … a year has passed – how do YOU feel??!

Ah gorne!!!

REALITY CHECK - YOU MAY NEED TO GET OFF THE SOCIAL NETWORKING TRAIN ...

2011-05-21T18:49:00.000-07:00

IF:

You take offence everytime someone approaches you in a manner that you are not used to…

Your friend list isn’t growing because you believe that every member of the opposite sex is trying to get with you …

Your friend list isn’t growing because you believe that every member of the SAME SEX is trying to get with you …

You’re offended by everyone who talks to you

You’re offended that NO ONE talks to you

You have members of your own family on your block list (That last joke was just so very wrong, Cousin Ed!!!)…

You get incensed when people copy your carefully crafted, original quotations and use them as their own ,,, nevermind they quote your name as well …
You are ticked because other users copy those adorable doggie and kittie piccies that you posted. HOW DARE THEY??!

You have abso-frickin’-lutely no concept of PUBLIC DOMAIN

You believe every instruction broadcasted on BBM, and you’re not only pissed at the sender for not cross referencing and double checking the results, but you’re pissed at yourself for yet again hitting ‘SEND’ …

You’re mad at people for not respecting your time and rest --- nevermind that you’re up at 3AM changing your profile pic and status…

You don’t get that SOCIAL means INTERACTIVE, not SOCIAL as in the sense of ‘SOCIAL DORA’ (Trini reference), or for the rest of the planet, ANTI-SOCIAL. It ain’t a reference to your auntie; it’s a comment on your friggin’, unfriendly mindset and disposition …

You don’t get that stumbledupon means that you WILL BE FOUND. Yep … there it is again … PUBLIC DOMAIN…

You believe the government is monitoring your every move via your facebook account since you posted the other day that you really do love the opposition party…
You don’t get that ICQ means ‘I SEEK YOU’, so that people will ACTUALLY SEEK YOU OUT --- the morons!!!

This is just the tip of the Social Networking mountain. Lemme know what your thoughts are … don’t be shy – not that any of you REALLY are …

AGAIN WITH THE PEN…(Dismantling the Dream and Selling it off as parts)

2011-02-25T11:50:00.000-08:00

So I’ve been attempting to sit quietly by and observe. Why? Because I have been accused of super-imposing my politic on to what has been happening under the new regime. As a result, I put my pen to bed, folded my arms and put my finger on my lips.

Well …

To quote one of my very best friends, I think I’m in need of duct tape now because my finger can no longer hold it all in. There’s so much that I don’t know where to go … where to begin …

PM1

Seriously??? The official vehicle of the Prime Minister – PM1 – is now being called Puke Mobile 1??! Our leader is now publicly known for a constant flow of ‘flu-like’ symptoms – particularly vomiting - and IN THE CAR???! We are constantly being told that the PM is unwell. What – does she not trust the goodly medical systems at our health facilities, such as they are under HER regime and the certifiably batty Minister of Health? Well there’s always the private institutions … but then someone might actually say what it really is that’s being treated – ALCOHOL POISONING – and not the flu. How am I supposed to relax into a state of calm when the Prime Minister is constantly off in La-La (hic) Land getting her friggin jollies while the country is on auto-pilot??!

SECURITY! RIGHT …

So paranoia has been added to the mix. Rumor has it that ALL of the security cameras installed have been or are in the process of being removed because the goodly leader doesn’t want anyone to know about the goings on at the Palace – the same Palace that ‘they’ didn’t want to occupy. Right…

How insipid does one have to be before the realization dawns that no cameras mean no security? Humans can only do so much and things are not like they used to be back in the day; but then again, if you’re dealing with all things illicit then I guess you don’t want a tale of the tape…

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FO RME LATELY??!

It’s been nine months – the gestation period for a human child – and NOTHING has been done. Anything that has reached any sense of completion or continuation was already in the pipeline pre-PP. The order of the day thus far is searching ancient files for ancient papers in an attempt to ‘expose’ the ills of the past regime. We don’t fuckin’ care! Unfortunately your asses were elected to lead this country not to RUN IT AGROUND.

NEWSFLASH: We’re tired, we’re fed up and some of us … like, say, ME – knew you didn’t have what it took to run this place. Face it; you NEVER believed that you would win! This was a bigger shock to you than it was to most of us, and as a result you had and still have NO PLAN OF ACTION, save divvying up the spoils between the upper echelon of your hideously corrupt and twisted band of thieves!

JACK OF ALL TRADES…

And master of fuckin’ none! He serves no blasted purpose … acts like HE’s in charge of the government and country … runs roughshod over anyone who opposes his views and rules … sold his soul to a murti in order to get to where he seriously thinks he is. No wonder his Justice Joker had to refer to him as the People’s Deputy Prime Minister. Your own ministry isn’t enough for you – you need to have a finger in every pie. What is it – don’t you think that others can do their jobs or is it that you’re bored? Inquiring minds wanna know. You’re always talking about right and truth and justice and honesty, but FIFA is investigating your ass for MASSIVE THEFT. See anything wrong here? Can you spell I-R-O-N-Y boys and girls??? If you stay in your own blasted lane then maybe … just maybe … others may be able to drive.

LIMBO, LIMBO LIKE ME!

So here we sit … a country in limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop. There have been prophesies of earthquakes, but I respectfully submit that the rumblings are not in the earth, but among the people, because the PP made promises to a lot of people behind many a closed door and now that they’ve been delivered via vote into the perceived promised land, they need to pay the piper and don’t have a clue as to how to start delivering.

In all honesty I worry more about insurrection than I do about natural disasters. I believe in emergency planning – canned goods, candles, bottled water and batteries, but it’s not about storm clouds above, but about the raging storm in the hearts and bellies of the people.

Pay up, put up and shut up – that’s all there is to it. Give what you promised and do so in a timely fashion and without bellyaching. As it stands … I really don’t see you lasting much longer than two years…

I will continue to watch and wait. I will continue to form my opinions. The sad thing is that I am tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt because there has been no benefit for me.

The Pen stops here … UNTIL.

IT'S IN THE JEANS ...

2011-01-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

So I’ve been spilling my beans all over the place and talking about my journey down the often perilous but never boring road called WEIGHT LOSS.

It’s been no picnic, nor has it been a party, and if it was one, then I missed the invitation … but it has been a lesson in patience, stamina and gratitude,

It’s taken me more time than most people because of things like fear, hesitation and yes, even some neglect of self, but I am getting there … I’m plodding along…

RIGHT!!!

So that was my disclaimer … but I do have news to share – or should I say SHOW.

The photos that appear below, tell a story – the story of my waistline, my hips, my thighs, my legs!

Yes folks! I have gone from a size 26 pair of jeans to a Size 14 Tall!

And all I can say is THANK YOU GOD … THANK YOU LEE … THANK YOU EVERYBODY!!!

I’m not done yet … so please don’t leave me … I need your strength to continue this journey… so as always, journey with me.

The Changeling…

THREE LITTLE WORDS...

2011-01-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah I know you were expecting “I love you”, but I have come across three words that pertain to me --- and right now they hold more power.

You see … these words are very much alike yet they are extremely different –

DEER, DEAR, DARE…

Confused much? Don’t be …

DEER

I’ve been, I sadly confess, a deer caught in headlights – waiting to be rescued by someone who would tell me that I didn’t need to say anything … that they understood and heard what was in my heart. I’ve stood in those headlights, longing for the arrival of my supposed Knight in shining armour, who would step out from behind those bright as hell headlights and scoop me up into his strong and competent arms from the path of the oncoming ‘chariot’ and save me from all impending danger. Unfortunately it never happened … the knight didn’t arrive, at least not in time – and invariably I was left to languish under the bus, wallowing in unrequited love, hurt, disappointment, anger and sadness. The ones that I kept near and dear before didn’t hold me in such high esteem. They preferred what they preferred and usually it was someone who they declared to be toxic and unworthy of their love and my worry. The truth is that they declared this so many times that their speeches usually ended up being read by the Universe as declarations of love and passion.

Having seen the cold hard light of dawn, I would be the one to detach and free them to languish in their self imposed toxicity while I licked my wounds … silently – yet again – wondering why it is they couldn’t see what I couldn’t say … all because no one held me …

DEAR

Oh to be dear to someone … that’s really all I’ve wanted – to be held in high and precious regard … to be the one whom others are willing to tilt at windmills for, and to feel moved to do the same.

To be dear is to be precious … to be thought of as special, worth fighting for, even if it means fighting with self. Holding someone dear makes us dear ourselves. Just as our dear ones glow, so do we … as they smile, so do we … it’s a wonderfully symbiotic relationship. Being held dear allows us permission to …

DARE

Dare to be different … dare to step out of the headlights … dare to speak out and into your own life. We dare to say all of the things that we’ve been storing up inside while we stood in those infamous headlights. We dare to be true to self and to the ones we hold dear. Finally we get to the point where nothing short of a watershed moment would give life to all that we have wanted so desperately to speak into being … to give life to.

So basically …
I was a deer until someone held me dear and as a result I now dare to be all the things that others believed that I could be – even when I didn’t – and all the things that I knew were locked deep inside but didn’t dare be.

I am changing, journey with me … I am a work in progress, but what progress I have made … all because I have now taken the time to dare …

Today I dare to fall through my fears because unless I do, I will never know what waits for me, and I will never sprout the appropriate wings that I will need for this flight…

HIS EYES ...

2010-11-26T06:17:00.001-08:00

I looked into his eyes
And I got lost …
Happily lost in their depths
Lost in the restful pools
That allow him access to my soul
He can see into me with those eyes
And he doesn’t even have to try
I can see myself in his eyes too
I watch, fascinated, as I fall
Deeper and deeper into his eyes
Deeper and deeper into him

He holds my gaze
And keeps my attention
In such a way that
I forget who may have
Squatted here before
Happily lost am I in
The cool assurance of his stare
Warmed by the dark lava like
Center orbs that into me see
I feel the heat on my face
As we silently explore our new intimacy

He pulls me in with
Those tractor beams
I’m swimming … going
Further than I need to but
Who cares…
I want to be need to him
To be totally mesmerized
By the cool heat
Of his eyes…

16 DIFFERENT WAYS TO SUNDAY ...

2010-11-25T11:28:00.000-08:00

So here it is, I’m at the start again, and trying to make sense of this crazy lil thing hat shall remain nameless.

I know that people believe that they are being helpful. I know that they think that wisdom is the thing that I crave. What they don’t get is that the thing I need most is CONSISTENCY… and I need it in all things, particularly in things concerning MY HEART.

I’m constantly being told to turn myself around – as in reinvent myself. Everyone knows PRECISELY what’s right for me, and it’s all conflicting.

Be forthcoming … be mysterious; tell him what’s on your mind … don’t say anything; be shy … be bold…

WTF??! There’s only one of me; yet everyone is trying to break me into tiny little pieces. Am I really that naïve? Is it that the life I’ve led in the past forty-odd years has really left me so cloistered and unprepared for the world?

I don’t think that I’m seeking the impossible, and I don’t believe that I’m being unreasonable. I require very little to keep me happy … I want respect, trust, love, affection, honesty … consistency. I could demand these things, but I don’t. I TRUST that the man who wants to be with me will willingly give these things and give them abundantly.

It is still amazing for me to have to realize that as a WOMAN, I’m the one who has to bend myself 16 different ways to Sunday to please the male of the species. Question is, who is bending himself into knots and twists just to keep me happy? And is he going to do so willingly and be patient while I figure out what it is I really need?

Should you be strolling through town and you find one or more of these gems, would you kindly send him way? The fact is that I have found one of them … he just doesn’t know how wonderful he Is as yet … but he will! (Wink, wink)

BE FREE … FREE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT YOUR HAPPINESS.

2010-11-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

It’s the strangest thing but I’ve just discovered – well not really JUST – but discovered nonetheless that we are sometimes so chained to the idea of being melancholy that we can actually fear our awaiting happiness.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun, and I know that someone else has already had the particular AHA! Moment, yet it is quite amazing to me that so many of us live in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

A prime example is my relationship record. I don’t love easily, but when I do love I love hard. As a result I have sat idly by and watched myself get taken advantage of, all in the name of L-O-V-E. There have been a couple of instances when I have overextended myself and taken the stories given to me to heart in order for me to give and give and give of my best, while I received crumbs in return. Nevertheless I pressed forward, sure and assured that the love was there and it would grow.

As we say in local parlance – SALT! That is what I was presented with in the end … salt. Recently, I took myself out of a particular equation and finally admitted that I was constantly being sucker punched. Therefore the decision was finally and clearly made that I needed to save ME. The one who was constantly showered with my affection, effort, understanding, absolution … this same one who gave nothing but fragments in return, has been set free to sit in his proverbial pile of filth … toxic baby mama and all … thereby freeing me to explore the other options that were being presented to me.

This is where it gets interesting. Not only was I being shown another way to be with and around a grown man who behaves like one and was and is showing me the interest and affection that one should expect, here I was … waiting for the other shoe to drop. I find myself looking for and hoping to find phantoms that would give justification to the way that I felt. There had to be something wrong hidden somewhere and I was going to find it dammit!

The sad thing is that I spent so much time looking for what wasn’t there that I almost missed the boat completely. That’s when it dawned that I needed to free myself from all of the paraphernalia of the past and allow myself to be free enough to accept my happiness and everything that goes with it.

It sounds like an insurmountable task … it also sound like some sort of twisted chicken soup for the soul, but it isn’t. The key to this freedom is knowing that as a child of the Most High, happiness is a given. Worry is a learnt habit. We’re not born to worry, but we gain the knowledge from those around us. Worry is particularly fascinating for the female of the species, but I digress.

Give yourself permission to laugh and smile and enjoy things genuinely.

The good things are all pre-ordained. The nasty little surprises along the way are the things that we manifest via worry, doubt and distrust.

Bless UP!

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION??? YOU BETCHA YEAH!!!

2010-10-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

TIS THE SEASON Y’ALL!! GIVE A BOOK FOR CHRISTMAS…

If you’re in Trinidad and Tobago, I’ll even autograph it when you get it – just hit me up!

here are the links:

At Last: www.amazon.com

Whispers Within: www.lulu.com

or contact me – wooziejee@yahoo.com

TODAY IS THE BEGINNING OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES...

2010-10-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

This was posted on another site on October 01, 2010, but it's still relevant. Enjoy ...

It has been said that God’s greatest creation is woman, because she can bring forth life. Women, nurture, birth, feed, love, spoil, and generally form the world that we all share. I am proud to be one of those magnificent creations, and I always have been. Even as a child, I somehow thought myself a little above those other creatures … yuh know them and we love them – MEN!  But I digress.

Today is a day to celebrate my sisterhood in a real way. Today we take the time to think about all of the ones who have gone before, who fought the fight – some won and others lost. Today we stand up yet again in our fight against Brest Cancer.

I long to see the day when those pretty pink ribbons can be folded in a different way, so as to commemorate that day when breast cancer, indeed ALL cancer, has been eradicated from the earth.

In a time when we seem to be damned if we do and damned if we don’t on so many cancer fighting levels, it is still important for us to realize and celebrate the fact that we are not alone. Gone are the days when talking about this disease seemed to be so taboo and discussion could only be held behind firmly closed doors. We need to remember that we are free to stand up and shout out that we’re not going to be ignored … that this is IMPORTANT to us and our daughters and the rest of our families … that life NEEDS to go on with or without us.

For the past few decades we have been putting our faith in the medical practitioners and scientists as we live in constant hope for change and cure. The medicines have improved yes, but there’s so much that is yet to be done.

Today I am thankful on behalf of the families of survivors … of the ones who have had near misses … and even of the ones who have gone on to another plane. For those who survive and have had near misses, the experience of Breast Cancer cultivates a new form of strength of character and resolve. Finding that one is faced with this particular challenge opens up new doors and windows, inclusive of the ones that we were hoping to keep tightly shut. Cancer is unfortunately the great equalizer, bringing us to one level – that level being that of desperate hope. The ones who have passed over from this life are the strongest. They have had to be strong for themselves and for their families. They came to a place of resolution and then they spent what was left of their time in our presence, attempting to shore us up and give us hope. They admonished us to not make their mistakes, and to live our lives to the fullest. In the end we mourn, but it is likely that many of us mourn not just the loss of that loved one but we also mourn the loss of their sense of direction, their silent strength, even their pain, for in their pain, they were still with us.

We mourn for ourselves too, wondering how we can go on, and of course, asking God why.

We, as an Army of Women are admonished to get involved, to stand up and be counted and to ensure that all that can be done and must be done will indeed be done in the names of the ones who have lost. We all have our weaknesses but we also have our strengths. Every little bit helps- from the pink lids on yogurt, to the purchasing of anything bearing the pink ribbon logo, to organizing events, to signing legislation – WHATEVER IT TAKES! It is our destiny and our mission in life to make sure that all that can be done is done to ensure the eradication of this disease.

There are stories that need to be told and we are the ones to tell them. There are books to be written and read and we need to be the ones to read them out loud.

Today I CHOOSE to focus on the positivity that has come out of the strides that are constantly being made in the battle against breast cancer … in fact against ALL cancers. Today I congratulate the pioneers of science and medicine who do their thing on a daily basis to ensure that soon this too will be a disease of the past.

Today is a good day – in fact it is a great day … because today is the beginning of the rest of our lives!

THE RESIGNATION OF A MOTHER CONFESSOR

2010-09-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am tired …
Tired of granting absolution
For the actions that you perceive to be correct
I am tired of drying the tears
Of the million
While the tears of the one – mine – go unnoticed
I am so fed up
Fed up with the ones who have
And believe and act that they have not
I am so scarred
By the ones who take and take and take
And forget that it’s okay to give
I have had it up to here there and every fuckin where
With people who walk into my presence
Eyes wide shut
And see only themselves reflected in my eyes and spirit
Yet they never stop to see if I need to be heard
Why have I been given all of this love
If not to share it with someone who is there for ME
In the same way that I am there for them
Is it that I am unworthy of being loved in return?
Did that nature boy know what the fuck
He was talking about when he declared
All those years ago
That the greatest thing we’d ever learn
Was just to love and be loved in return?
Newsflash … I’m still waiting
Here I sit with my bags packed and with nowhere to go
Because it would seem that the train has left
Me at the station
And do you know why?
Because I was more than likely stuck
In the ladies’ room giving comfort to someone
And it was more than likely
Someone who ran off to catch their own bus!
Has anyone taken the time to really look behind
My supposed smile?
I’m plum tuckered out
From being the training ground where
The males of the species come to find out
What they’ve been doing wrong so that they can
Graduate and move on to their princess brides
For the love of God – leave me some pride
I’m not your sister, your teacher, your buddy your pal …
I have hopes and aspirations too …
Do you even try to see me as I see you?
I’ve lost so much, and at times
It feels that I’ve gained so little
It’s like I’m permanently stuck in the middle
I don’t want to be anyone’s middle passage
I deserve to be someone’s destination
So now I’m handing in my resignation
Mother confessor is taking a respite
Sista Soljah is giving her shoulder a rest
Big sis and lil buddy are both signing off
Excuse me while I go to my corner
And continue to dry my own tears
And maybe … just maybe someone will take the time
And show that they care
And if they don’t – big surprise…
It’s just another day
In my own personal misconstrued paradise…

Journalists, or PENs For Hire ...

2010-09-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

I looked with some interest at the headline of today’s Trinidad Guardian, which indicated that there is a mass exodus of media ‘personalities, a.k.a. journalists, all of whom seem to be heading blithely into Governmental service.

Interesting …

Whatever happened to being paragons of virtue and the ‘voice of the people’? what happened to the need to investigate the wrongs and bad habits of the government and all concerned with them – be they contracts, persons of interest, hidden agendas?

Is it that these things are only important when certain people are the targets?

Interesting …

So … apparently now that ‘everything is right with the world’ we have a huge chunk of the media moving in to governmental service … what a bleepin joke!

It is now blatantly obvious that anyone can be bought for a good enough price, even members of the 5th estate.

Case in point: I have been watching with avid interest, along with some of my fellow observers, the interesting goings on and behavior of two PROMINENT members of the current Cabinet. It would seem that some people cannot walk without having their hands held, and others cannot walk without having hands to hold. Be it at the airport, the parliament, public meetings, from one car to the next … these two act like kindergarten buddies. Seeing as how the photographs have been appearing in every single daily and weekend newspaper produced in Trinidad and Tobago, I find it rather strange that nothing has been written about this situation. However, had this been the former Prime Minister’s wife and another member of the former Cabinet, there would have been such a furor brought to life that it would have been heard all the way in North America.

Why the double standard fellas? Where are those investigative minds that you’re all so proud of – the same ones who for the past few years have been reporting blindly and then printing tiny page 1 and 2 apologies for slanderous comments?

Have you now learnt the error of your ways? Or is it that this regime pays better? Inquiring minds want to know.

Has it occurred to any of you ship jumping jokers that you’re following the scent of a dangling carrot in order to keep you silent? Are you aware that you have joined the ranks of the government propaganda machine – the same machine that you raged against, a short few months ago? It just strikes me as passing strange that you’re all willing to become the right hand men and women of this crop of ‘stooges’ but you weren’t willing to do the same for those who went before.

Tell me … how are you going to spend your thirty pieces of silver – the ones who gained when you sold your collective souls and sold out the people who look to you for opinions and advice. Is it that we are all going t have to stay tuned for the Department of Information weekend programming to know what’s going on in sweet T&T?

Dare God I hope not.

To say that I am disappointed is a major understatement. To say that I’m surprised would be a lie.

Tread lightly gents, and know that the people that you will ignore on the way ‘up’ are attached to the same asses that you will have to kiss on the way back down!

WTF!!!

2010-09-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

Friendship is a funny thing. There are times when we need to stretch to accommodate the baggage that might sneak in, and there are times when we need to contract in order to keep our perspective and sanity.

I’m trying to figure out where I am in a particular friendship, and I just had a WTF moment.

As the adult on record in this get up, I’m wondering if the age difference is causing a significant shift when it comes to things like translation and understanding. Maybe it is that I’m expecting too much from the individual, but the difference is not so insurmountable that common sense cannot and will not kick in.

Why is it so easy for some of us to be obtuse and hurtful to the needs of many of us? Is it just me or is it that it feels like paranoia has become the norm for some of us? Why is it so easy for some of us to be mean spirited and bitter towards the achievements of the majority of us?

I know that I’m asking a myriad of questions, and I know that many of those questions are rhetorical. By the same token, there are really some of us who can cause amazement to hurt the brain.

Example.

I’ve been attempting to pursue a particular course for the past few months, and someone whom I now recognize as a bandwagonist announced that they would come aboard and we would stay the course together, and use our ‘existing’ buddy system to lessen the ‘pains’ as it were.

I believed them when they said that they were ready. I made myself available to them, and I did what I could to introduce her to the tenets that she would need to follow…

Why then … at the end of it all … are they attempting to make me feel that this is somehow my fault?

Hindsight is 20/20 vision and I’ve put a few pieces of the puzzle together.

This isn’t about me. It is about them and their baggage, and I refuse to be the trash guy. It’s about their decisions and their priorities and until they come to the point of acknowledging that there are changes to be made, then they will continue to wallow in their ‘ignunce’, and that’s just the way it is.

I will do what I need to do for me and that’s it. When they are ready to handle their shit, they will do what needs to be done for them – plain and simple.

We all need to be adult enough to do what we need to for ourselves, and by the same token we need to be adult enough to take the responsibility for the fucked up decisions that we sometimes make, thereby avoiding the stupid blame game that we seem to always want to play …

And that’s my take!

Truly Loving Me...

2010-08-25T13:14:00.001-07:00

For centuries we had been taught that the proclamation of love of self was egotistical and taboo. Today however, we find ourselves in a place where we are told that it’s okay to be a little selfish for self, and to shout it from mountain tops.

My take on it? Everything in moderation.

That being said, I really do believe that we cannot love ourselves enough.

One of the things that I have encountered with fellow full figured women is that we put off loving ourselves until we get to ‘that point’ or ‘that size’. The message that needs to be heard is that we must love ourselves in our current skins … love yourself for the beautiful, vital, intelligent, sensual and sexy woman that you are. There is really no need to wait to love you! It’s YOU after all. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? The only entity that loves us unconditionally is God, and we are supposed to be perfect in His eyes, and we really are not – not by a long shot. So if He loves us the way we are, why then can’t we just follow His lead?

Love yourself enough to get over the hurdles that you face, particularly those that have to do with self image. Every imperfection is precious; every pound worth loving enough to be released (I know that sounds funny but bear with me).

I always recall the words of a particular boyfriend who, bless his heart, was trying to make me feel better about being a big girl, when I was particularly down. He said “You’re not fat … there’s just more of you to love.” At the time I giggled through my tears and kissed him my thanks. I have been grateful through the years for those words.

How many of us really look at ourselves in the mirror? Most of us are experts at looking only at what is and when necessary. We skip over the arms, and bellies, and thighs … it’s too painful to watch for many of us. What we NEED to do is take a good, long look at the goddesses that we are and look at the thighs and bellies and full boobs and appreciate our sized sexiness, because we ARE sexy!

Then and only then can we see where the changes that we sometimes crave can be made. And please, don’t aspire to be skinny; aspire to be HEALTHY.

I am 55lbs away from my goal weight and I know that with hard work, God’s grace and - Lord help me (:D) - Lee, I will get there! And it’s all about being healthy, because I know I will never be skinny … nor do I want to be.

I love my boobs and hips and butt; I just know that the extra weight isn’t ideal for me, however ‘comfortable’ it may seem to be. So basically, I love me enough to get up and get moving on my journey…

Thanks my take,
The Changeling.

A Review of At Last... - Through the Eyes of a Friend & Her Daughter.

2010-08-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

The following is an email that I received this morning from my friend Dani. I have to say that it was indeed heartwarming and as such made me smile. It’s nice to know that people are paying attention to the things that you’re doing…

Hi Donna,

OK, this is gonna get your underpants all knotted up now!!!!!

I AM JUST NOW READING… CONTINUOUSLY FROM COVER TO COVER – NOT START – STOP… AT LAST!!!!!!!

I must say that I can’t stop!!! Might I add it’s nice to be able to read
something with life like situations and characters that my 12 year old and I can sit and discuss and not be bored and I don’t have to be afraid that there might be something in there that I might not want her to learn just yet.

As you know she is beyond her years so she is not interested in the
Twilight Saga. She thinks it’s for boring little white girls with nothing
else to do but believe in Vampires. She also thinks that books and movies like those open doors for spiritual warfare so she’s not missing anything.

Anyways… The entire book is easy to relate to. The characters are real and the situations life-like and current.

I have to make a recommendation to you as a friend though. Explore doing an adaptation for screen/stage.

There is great potential between the covers of At Last. I think that the options are limitless. I don’t know exactly what the ramifications of such a project would be but I am telling you that now in the Caribbean we are holding our own in the film industry and now is a good time for you to get your piece of it.

We have the film company here and I’m sure you can get assistance and guidance from them.

Look it up Donna…possibilities exist we just need to uncover them.
Jah-mai said you should do it too. She said you could be the local Tyler Perry lol!!!!!

GO FOR IT GIRLIE!!!!!

BTW… if you’re not interested…I want to play Greer (teehee).
OOOOOOHHHHHH……..and that guy from Soul Food (the series) who is married to the light skinned sister from the show and in reality he is part German (chocolate) (I think she means Boris Kudjoe here folks :) )…he could be my Tre’ yummmmmyyyyyy. :)

Best Regards

Danielle Nieves
Marketing Assistant
CCN TV-6
Express House
35 Independence Square
Port-of-Spain

Strut it Girl ... You Know How to Use it!!!

2010-08-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

Somebody needs to explain to me what all the noise is regarding the beautifully body painted skin of La Toya Woods, our representative to the Miss Universe 2010 contest.

Pardon me but I find it a tad difficult if not down right impossible to take all of this noise and hoorah seriously, particularly from a country that has two nationally sanctioned days of ‘Bare Naked Ladies’ – well almost – on display on an annual basis!

This tin whistle noise about Ms Woods’ supposed nakedness goes beyond me. When I first heard the furor, I was led to believe that our queen took it upon herself to get up close and personal with a paint artist and a photographer in order to ‘make a point’. After taking the time to do my own research, I have learnt that the photograph was SANCTIONED by Universe International, and in fact formed a part of La Toya’s Universe portfolio of OFFICIAL photos … as did the photographs of ALL OF THE CONTESTANTS … AS THE PHOTOGRAPHS WERE ORDERED UP BY THE FRANCHISE HOLDERS – and I mean the INTERNATIONAL FRANCHISE HOLDER HIMSELF!

Heads up peeps! She didn’t have a choice, and seriously, even if she did have a choice, bravo for her, because she knew how to use the assets that were given to her at birth.

The photo is tastefully done … the woman is wearing pasties … and her skin tone just screams for art!

To all of the supposed Trini purists who are gasping and clutching their chests and up in arms against it … SHUT UP! You are the same ones who walk through Port of Spain on Carnival Monday and Tuesday with your cameras and video cams, all in the name of ‘recording the spectacle for posterity’, and then on Ash Wednesday you email all of those pics to your horny-ass buddies … trust me, I know what I speak of. You’re the same bunch of ingrates – and I speak here of the men – who yell at your daughters for their teeny weeny costumes, but lust after their girlfriends who are wearing the SAME costume! Not nice…

Get a grip people and give the girl your support – she needs it. Be proud of the fact that there’s a Trinidadian woman out there who makes body paint look good – and I don’t mean the minuscule muscle woman who does it every Carnival Tuesday in her husband’s band for camera time and effect – I mean the one who is waving our flag high in Las Vegas, and trying to reclaim our pageant glory.

As a size-sexy woman, I WISH I had the guts to do it, but uhm … one step at a time okay???!

For Dan ...

2010-08-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

A star of friendship
That glittered just out
Of my periphery
But not for long
Boldly you strode
Into my line of fire
And you gave just as
Good as you got
Matching me word for word
Joke for joke
Put down for put down

A wicked little sprite
With shining eyes
And a bag of naughty pixie dust
That’s what you are
You slipped in thru my laughter
And left tiny, muddy footprints
On my heart…

And now … just when
I’ve grown accustomed to your presence
You’re going to disappear from me
Taking your laughter with you
Leaving me bereft
Of your antics
And longing for sparkling
Pixie dust and white toothed smiles
Often imagined but not seen

I will miss you
My muffin man
I will miss you
My mischievous Prince
Though it lasted
But a Cosmic hour
I will forever cherish
The budding of our
Friendship flower
And anticipate the day
When we truly meet
Face to face
And heart to heart

Be well, be happy
Be free, be loved

Farewell …

Doing PENance in The Food Aisle ... HI Prices, LO Quality

2010-07-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

I’ve been a loyal, card-carrying member of the Hi Lo Food Stores for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t just about the points and the prizes … I have been in Hi Lo’s corner since before the days of ‘FOLLOW DE RED ARROW AT HI LO’

There was a time … not so very long ago … when I boasted to all who would listen about the fact that their prices were better than Tru Valu’s and that the shelves were stacked better than many of the other markets.

Well…

The thrill is gone.

I went to Hi Lo Four Roads a couple Saturdays ago, in search of ingredients for a couple cakes that I had to build for an order. I looked at the baking shelf in sheer horror. The prices were between $5 and $8 more than those at Tru Valu. I even mentioned this to two members of staff who were on the lane. One of them shrugged her shoulders and said to me that members of staff had spoken to store managers about the recent pricing and that nothing was being done.

That’s when I remembered my mother’s annoyance when a couple months ago she spent over eight hundred dollars at the West Moorings branch and she had no idea what she had purchased. Faithful customer that I am, I still continued to think of the two situations as a fluke.

This Sunday morning, however, when in a state of bewilderment I walked out of the Four Roads branch with approximately three large bags, having just spent slightly under four hundred dollars, brotha the bloom was so off of that rose.

What the hell is going on with the Canning’s Group of Companies – the parent company of Hi Lo Food Stores??? Is it that the WANT to be priced out of the market? Could it be that they are searching for such exclusivity that pretty soon their own staff won’t be able to spend there?

This is ridiculous!!! There is no need to pay the exorbitant costs for vegetables when Canning’s has their own farms – something I might add, that they have boasted about in the past. How can it be that a couple blocks up the Diego Martin Main Road at West Bee’s it is possible to purchase 6 cartons of Green Butterfly Evaporated Milk for the special price of $30 and that special is not available at Hi Lo … in fact I believe that the cost of evaporated milk has soared to almost $6 a carton. Have I mentioned that we’re talking quarter litre cartons here?

How is it that three packets of macaroni can be had at West Bees for $10 dollars but not at Hi Lo? Whatever happened to specials???

You have dubbed yourself the nation’s favorite food store. Guess what? That shit no longer holds water. Have you not noticed that the month end lines have dwindled? Try doing a little sneak shopping at Tru Valu on a month end Friday and see the lines wrapping around lanes like ‘back in the day’ at Hi Lo. And it’s not just on a month end anymore. You can find those long lines on any given day. The transition is almost complete and in a little while from now Hi Lo will be a thing of the past, and that would be so sad.

What makes it even scarier is the fact that the budget has not as yet been read for the upcoming fiscal year and as such I shudder to think what the near future holds for food prices across the board.

Something has to be done, because points and prizes are no longer enough to hold on to your customers Hi Lo … better can and MUST be done.

Go back to the days of comparison shopping – when replenishing staff would go to other markets and compare so that the prices were better controlled.

Have a heart for your fellow citizens – those whose salaries have not been increased, even though their food costs have. Do the math and attempt, as the other members of the Supermarket Owners Association have, to find the middle ground.

Don’t make me come get yo ass!!!

Fix this and NOW!!!

Reasoning ...

2010-06-17T13:20:00.001-07:00

Give me one good reason
Why I shouldn’t let you
Have your way …
Just leave you to celebrate
And fete your self pity
Tell me why I should
Bother to care enough
To want you to snap
The hell out of this
Foul funk
The stench of which
Is evident for miles around…
Has it occurred to you
In the midst of your wallow
That you are hurting me
When you hurt yourself?
Explain it to me…
Make me understand…
Help me make sense of
Your need to hurt yourself
Your yen for constantly wandering
Back to the people, places and things
That you intrinsically know
Will bring you pain…
Why do you believe yourself
To be so unworthy of the
Beauty that awaits you?
You are worthy –
You deserve the good
In this world, just as I do
You deserve me
As I deserve you
We deserve the love
The trust, the commitment
The happiness…
The Life that sits and
Waits in Limbo while you
Decide in a vacuum about
Your worthiness
Do you honesty believe
That I would waste
All that I was born to give
On a man unworthy
Of my treasure?
If it be so in your mind
You must not think much of yourself
And even less about me
And that right there is a shame!
Climb out of the hole
That you’ve dug yourself
And rejoin the rest of the living
Give yourself the chance
To love and to be loved in
The way that you deserve
The way that only I can love you
In just the same way that
I was destined to love you
Fighting has its place
And when done right it’s a wonder!
So darling if fight you must
Then fight --- but just
Remember to fight with all
You have in you
For us and not against us…

Common Sense SusPENded...

2010-06-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

I sat and watched in horror as the supposed strong arm supporters of the People’s National Movement (PNM) stood in judgement of the former Prime Minister, Mr Patrick Manning. It was not a pretty sight. They jeered, and glared and some of them even spat at him. They hurled insults at the man … but then, having all those years ago done the same to The Christ, why not a mere mortal like Mr Manning?

Comparisons have never been my strong suit, but having said same, I can’t help but look back at the way that Mr Basdeo Panday, former leader and Founder of the United National Congress, was allowed to demit office – practically in silence.

Is it that we on the ‘red’ side of the fence are a ‘tad’ more passionate in our politics? I hardly think so. What exactly was the gain in making a mockery of Manning? Do you feel better? How hypocritical of all of you, since you were the SAME people who not a good 48 hours before were hailing him as your ‘forever commander-in-chief’.

Question: did those of you who turned up at Balisier House to throw stones and assassinate Manning’s character, even VOTE on Election Day? Did you do more than wear a Red Party T-Shirt and wave a poster? Did you talk to your friends and family about doing their civic duty and exercising their personal franchise?

In your haste to jeer and spit nasty and unnecessary words at Mr Manning, did you even remember what he did to get you and this country to where we are today? Do you know what a compliment it is for Trinidad and Tobago to be referred to as the Miami of the Caribbean? Did you stop to remember that we all have our momentary lapses of reason, and although he did seem to have one that lasted a couple of years there, like us, the former PM, is HUMAN???

What a shame it was for me, a true blue (okay red, smiling) supporter of the PNM, to sit and watch in utter shame and confusion as some of us turned on our very own. The final embarrassment came with the arrival of the Riot Squad. Imagine Mr Manning needing the Riot squad to escort him to safety from the hands of HIS OWN PEOPLE and in front of PARTY HEADQUARTERS???!

EPYCK PHALE!

To say that I am sorely disappointed in the members of the PNM who partook in that debauchery does not even begin to cover it.

While I take the time at this point to heartily congratulate the new Leader of the Opposition, The Hon. Dr. Keith Rowley, and pledge my support to his cause and all that he plans to achieve, I earnestly pray that his supporters had nothing to do with this, and if any of them did, all I have to say to them is BETTER THAN THAT!

Please know that I will call out whoever is at fault … be ye SOP, UNC, PEOPLE’S PARTNERSHIP or PNM. The Pen takes no prisoners ~ whoever you are.

We pause till once again awakened by the insipid behaviour of we the Human Race…

Well, Look at What HapPENed ...

2010-05-25T06:39:00.001-07:00

“What a scent, what a scent, what a scent … the smell of the summer of our discontent…” David Rudder, The Savagery.

I suppose the thing to say today is that the writing is on the wall and that the people have spoken.

That would be the thing to say, but I am still unable to say it. I can’t say it because there are things that I have been privy to in the last few days that have left the stench of desperation and degradation clinging to my clothing.

The naive amongst us continue to parrot the words that “this election was not about race but about change.” The sad thing is that even though it was PROVEN – via print and electronic media that it was indeed about race, and not in a good way, the persisted.

I could go on here to quote chapter and verse, but at this time, the point is mute.

What I will say is that I sincerely hope that the new PM … and by that I mean PUPPET MASTER … remembers:

- That they have to deliver on every single campaign promise
- That the promised pay cut will be THEIRS and not that of the civil servants who blindly followed them down the yellow brick road
- That Trinidad and Tobago has an positive international presence – one that has been fought for, reconstructed after the former UNC regime and won back
- That although it is in their inner sanctum the time for ‘them’ to rise, that they need to remember that ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE put their misguided trust in them, therefore they would need to look after EVERYBODY’S welfare

On the other hand, I sincerely hope that the ones who blithely followed the Pied Piper down this particular road of ‘RISING’ would remain watchful and remember the following:

- That they promised an increase in old age pensions, nevermind the detrimental cost to the country
- That your children will soon no longer have the benefit of free tertiary education, so you had better have your ‘dollars’ put aside for the dollar for dollar tertiary level plan
- That the free lunches for elementary level students will soon become a thing of the past
- That your CDAP is about to go bye-bye
- That you have now ushered in the possibility of legal abortions in a country that has NEVER considered such

My grandmother and other elders had one word that they would repeat whenever we of the younger generation would do something that was doomed to cause us pain and failure. They would look us in the eye and say “Tanto, Tanto” while shaking their heads from side to side. Basically they were telling us that all we had to do was sit back and wait for the consequences of our insipid actions. So, I say it now to you … Tanto, Tanto; and if you still don’t get it, then, Bam-bye … me go tell yuh.

In the end I will continue to say God bless our Nation, and I will pray and invite you to pray for peace, common sense, patience, foresight and hindsight, particularly hindsight, since rumour has it that it is perfect 20/20 vision.

The pen rests here … trust though that she will indeed be back…

Let's Have An oPEN Discussion...

2010-05-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

It’s the pen again. I’ve been soaking up the silliness and attempting to distill it down to its true essence … take the baffle out of the bullshit as it were.

So here we go…

TELL ME WHAT YOUR NAME REALLY IS.

I’ve heard people scoff when the ruling party says that they are the ONLY REAL POLITICAL PARTY IN TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO. Ya know what? They ain’t lying. The People’s National Movement – PNM – was born in 1956 with that name … has NEVER changed its name and today in 2010 it is still called PNM. That’s the mark of consistency and perseverance.

So let’s talk about the 5-headed monster:-

UNC: United National Congress … was born United Labor Front/ULF, became the NAR – National Alliance for Reconstruction … then there was the split that saw the birth of Club 88, which morphed into UNC and now we have UNCOP – the unholy alliance of The UNC and the COP – Congress of the People.

COP: Congress of the People. Okay … this is the ‘sour grapes’ entity formed by the grey-headed, bobble-necked weakling when he exited the UNC. They have just had their first name change – see above.

NJAC: The National Joint Action Committee – the lovechild of a bitter black man who seems to be unable to come to terms with the fact that he is indeed free, and there hasn’t been a colonial ‘massa’ after him for centuries now. This is the stomping ground of a man who is so afraid of anything that is not black that he willingly desecrated the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception during the now infamous Black Power Uprising of the 70s, and is YET to apologize.

TOP: Tobago Organization of the People – a bitter stepchild of the now practically defunct NAR.

So you put all of this together and you get UNCOP or The People’s Partnership. Riiiiight.

Riddle me this then … if it is then that the People’s Partnership is UNITED in its attempts to remove the party in power, please explain the need for the 5 heads of this monster to run under their own symbols. Were it a united front – ‘front’ being the operative word – why not one representative symbol? This again brings the question – should this united house that is already divided somehow pull off a victory on May 24th, WHO IS GOING TO LEAD??!

WHO ARE YOU? WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHO IS YOUR LEADER??

MANIFESTATIONS OF CHILDISHNESS

Pipe Queen, oh Pipe Queen. Please tell me what you have accomplished by ripping the PNM’s manifesto to shreds on a public platform, save appearing as that of a small, petulant child? Did you get a power rush when you did that? The irony is that some of the very same programs that you once scoffed at and now declare agreement with are ensconced, as they well should be, in that very document you shredded. Is it that you hate the fact that the ruling party actually know what they are talking about and have been talking about for years? You seem a little (and I’m being polite here) CONFLICTED. Pick a side, stick with it.

SOME PEOPLE COULD EAT VOMIT BOY!!

Subhas Panday! Epic Fail – ‘NUFF SAID!

UDECOTT – THE ‘HART’ OF THE MATTER

Seriously this represents the flogging of a dead horse by both sides. UNCOP – find something REAL to complain about. The mistakes made have been brought to the fore and admitted to – move on. Members of the party, let the jackasses bray and cease from responding to them – move on.

VOLNEY – REALLY? SERIOUSLY??

This supposed paragon of truth and justice ... in actuality, this toothless bulldog; with his hyena pitched voice and screeching deliveries on platforms – what purpose does he serve? As one of the people formerly sworn to uphold the law and its secrets – you have openly discussed the inner workings of certain cases – EPIC FAIL. Didn’t you realize that by opening that particular can of worms that you were holding yourself up to public scrutiny? Didn’t you know that people would begin analyzing the decisions that you made? Are you aware that everyone knows that the only reasons you gave up your position as Judge were 1) You were under investigation and the walls were closing in and FAST; and 2) You have been promised the job of Attorney General? Yeah … we see you and through you.

PICCADILLY GREENS DEBACLE

Imagine my utter horror when the Pipe Queen declared the other evening that the GOVERNMNT has kept the people of Laventille uneducated and unemployed. The horror didn’t really come from the statement as much as it did from the response of the people gathered. They APPLAUDED AND AGREED! How the could really be that insipid is beyond me. These are the people – the same people – who are the recipients of the FIRST neighborhood technical institute – the Laventille Technical Institute. Have hey made use of it? No. Do they make use of the myriad of programs available which foster the betterment of lifestyles and living conditions via educational and work relief? No. Is it that they are prepared to live by the words “I vote fuh dem so dem hadda mine meh till ah dead’? Yes. We ALL have to work for what we have. There are no free rides. We pay in many ways for the lifestyles that we are enjoying, be it cash, kind or whatever else is needed. The people of Laventille have been, and continue to be there own worse enemy, what, with the whole ‘PICK UP YUH BUS PASS AN’ WAIT’ mentality; and until they awake from their drug induced slumber and clear their heads and hearts, that is where they will stay – no matter WHO is in the Executive Office. Only then will they see that be remaining in their present haze, they remain expendable, killable, replaceable grease for the demonic grindstones of drugs, guns and murder.

RING DE BELL, RING DE BELL

Right --- the ox-like moron yet again! Be careful what you wish for Pipe Queen because you just might get it. You are spoiling for a Spiritual bitch-slapping from messing with the icons of the Spiritual Baptist faith. This baldheaded one – this “woman” that you have put so much stock and faith in – is messing with things that she ought to know better of. Ringing a bell as a Spiritual Baptist calls forth entities and forces that you shouldn’t necessarily be awakening. You have declared yourself to be a Baptist-Hindu. Know that the two realms do not usually mix. Note that although deities from one faith do appear in the other, like oil and water, there is no love lost between them. This person is making a mockery of what is supposed to be held in sacred regard. I have NEVER seen a Hindu appear on ANY political platform to perform a Poojah – have you? So why the need for the Baptist exhibition? Is this your pathetic attempt to reach out to the afro-based dynamic? Better than that!

As usual, there are more questions than answers, but the Pen pauses here … she will be back anon.

IT'S MY PEN & I'LL WRITE IF I WANT TO ...

2010-04-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

The Silly Season is upon us and some of us are now way past Silly and have sailed swiftly into Insipid Village.

I refer to some of the goings on of the various so-called political parties. It would seem that it is true that any jackass with an ideology and a ‘dream’ can jump in and form a party. Okay – fine … but are these parties ‘All-Inclusive’ or are they gearing strictly towards one and only one goal?

If you were to speak to any of the leaders of these political fetes, they would say to you that their main concern is GOOD GOVERNANCE FOR ALL, but the TRUE and thinly veiled agenda is the REMOVAL of the CURRENT LEADERSHIP.

What’s funny is that if you ask the ‘NEW’ leaders what their plan is, they say promptly “Remove P MANNING from the helm of this country with IMMEDIATE effect!” Go on to ask “Okay – what next?” You would notice the silent and distinct pause. That is because the majority of them haven’t thought that far ahead – they just know they want control and power. ‘SILLINESS’.

What’s your plan? How are you going to fix what you believe the Government has messed up? Has it occurred to you that Trinbagonians are better off than many of our Caribbean brothers and sisters? Did you know that senior citizens in America, Canada and other parts of the world do not receive pension payments at the end of the month from the Government, but ours do? Are you aware that the majority of them live on the pensions that they MAY have been lucky enough to contribute to and/or Social Security checks, and that a social security check and NOTHING are practically the same thing???

There are questions that I need to have answered for, and I need them from the various members of the Public Political.

So … here’s my list beginning with :~

The Pipe Queen …

- Why should I trust you with the public purse when ‘the lining of one’s pockets as well as those of friends and family” was the order of the day under your party’s previous incarnation – one of which you were a card carrying member and party to?
- How can I trust you to look after education when the hallmark of your stint as Minister of Education were:~
o The opening of a school above a rum shop (bar)
o The cessation of corporal punishment – which gave rise to a generation of bullies with no respect for authority and the law, who grew up to become career criminals
o The “Chicken Licken” school phenomenon – where students who received low scores in the common entrance/SEA examinations were stored like cattle in ‘schools’ that boasted such challenging reading as “Learn to tell Time” and “Chicken Little”. This, I am sure you will remember, saw to it that we raised a generation of people with no self-pride … people who were convinced that there was no hope fore them --- fodder for the URP and CPEP programs.
o The secret opening, staffing and populating of the first campus of the Trinidad and Tobago Institute of Technology exclusively with people of East Indian decent.
o The closure of all youth camps across the country. Did you know that a youth camp was not only a place of incarceration for juvenile delinquents, but also a place where the young, struggling but ambitious could take themselves to in order to learn a trade and relevant life skills? Did you even care???
o The stopping of all OJT (On the Job Training) programs which allowed the youth to gain the relevant EXPERIENCE needed to further themselves in the working world
o The human and material resource starvation of the San Fernando and John Donaldson Technical Institutes, so that they became basically haunted shells, causing a generation of young people to have nowhere to turn in order to earn degrees in studies such as Design, Electronics, Electrical Skills, etc.
- Why should I dare to place myself and my loved ones in your hands when all that you see is the need for Power, not to EXECUTE LEADERSHIP? There is a HUGE difference here.
- How am I supposed to take you seriously when your greed for Power has sent you down the road of supposed Unity? You have joined forces with a bunch of people whom in the past you have SAID you don’t respect – inclusive of the motley crew of supposed labour leaders. You spewed venom at the bubble headed grey-headed weakling who leads a party whose deputy political leader scoffs at this supposed unity. Is it that you honestly believe us to be blind, dumb and forgetful??? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder could see that this is a white wash.

You have surrounded yourself with individuals whom you believe can make enough noise with smoke and mirrors so as to deflect the populous’ eyes and thoughts from the issues at hand.

EPYC PHAYLE!

Now ... I am not saying that what has transpired at times with the present regime has all been glorious and clear … it hasn’t. Yes, there are glaring instances of inaccuracy, stupidity, payola and the tendency to turn a blind eye and an empty head to what is directly under one’s nose, and it seems to be a particular affliction of the PM. At this point I am very comfortable with the notion of re-electing the PARTY and changing the LEADER – maybe it’s time for Patos’ to take five and to let the ‘DOGS’ out and see what they can do!

By the same token anyone with a brain that has some firing synapse left would know that the current regime has accomplished a ton more than your fly by night band of thieves have. Note that it has ALWAYS been like that. Yes, as the Former president said many years ago on one YOUR joint political platforms, “Everybody ‘tief”, but it is obvious that more has been done with the public purse than was done under your former regime.

People bitch, moan and complain – it is their right to do so. It is also a right that people are taught that as a nation, MORE of us are employed than in other islands. You have encouraged John Public to raise hell about the buildings being constructed … let me ask you this. Should your 5-headed monster succeed (HEAVEN FORBID) do you think that Patos’ is going to break them down like so many Lego bricks and take them with him? Do you think that he is going to dig the Official Prime Minister’s residence up and plant it in the back yard of his private home?

Have you even listened to how stupid – yes STUPID - and uninformed some of your arguments are??? What’s going to happen if your BewilderedBeast pulls this off and labour forms a part of the Executive? What are you going to say to your backers who come out of the Retail, Service, Manufacturing and Industrial sectors? Are you going to block the increase of the minimum wage? I won’t even bother to ask about the inclusion of the bald-headed ox-like moron … will you be able to control her stupidity that springs eternal and effervescent with the coming of each Gibbous Moon??? Best of frickin’ luck with that one!

As for me and my house … we will have none to do with you and your ilk.

Yes there are things that need to be changed and fixed within the ruling party … that’s call evolution. But by the gods, there is no room for you and your monster. You are not ready – no matter what your US-based strategist says … no matter how much you transform yourself into ‘U.S.-POLITIC-WOMAN-A-TRON’ … morphing into HILLARY MICHELLE RODHAM CLINTON OBAMA – with the haircuts, suits and Sarah Palin-esque lapel pins. That ain’t nothing but window dressing and it so does not ring true!

The Pen pauses here … but she’ll be back soon!

Bless Me Father ... No Seriously - BLESS ME!!!

2010-03-29T10:44:00.000-07:00

I know that this is the most solemn of weeks in the Catholic Calendar and being a card carrying Catholic all my life, I really should be better behaved. However, there are some things that occur and at times that are so inappropriate, that one cannot help but share the levity of the situations.

Maybe levity is not the word. Maybe the perfect word is FRUSTRATION.

I’m actually addressing here the need of some individuals to ‘suck up’ to the Parish Priest. And no … my little home away from home is not special in this regard … get a group of parishioners from any and all parishes together and you will be entertained for hours by stories of people who believe that when they ‘curry’ Father’s favor, that they are on a direct flight to heaven – no stops!

We have a few such individuals at my church but we have since gained a new reigning queen of the brown nose. While I have no actual problem with anybody’s attempts at brown-nosing, I do have a huge problem when they attempt to destroy others in their attempts.

You do you … that’s my philosophy … and if that means that you get your jollies by being up under the priest’s chasuble, then so be it … but leave my name outta your mouth.

This woman – let’s call her Queen Bee – is raining frustration and divisiveness among the members of a parish that is already fraught with people who question the goings on within. We don’t need to have Queen B add to our miseries. The need to create issues, situations and tensions is an epic fail in my book.

The need to constantly be ‘rinsin’ out de pries’ ears’ as so colorfully put by one of my compatriots screams of insecurity. It tells of a woman who finds it impossible to properly function without the destruction of another… and sometimes it’s OTHERS … not just one person that is being trashed down the chute.

Sabotage on a ship is called mutiny … in the government it’s called treason … what do we call it when it happens in the Hallowed Halls of the Church? I can’t think of a word because frankly, I never thought that there was a reason to have one or know it.

Is it that every church based ministry has to have its own Judas or Judas-Ann (hey, she may not have existed back then but I’m sure you know a few of them now!) in order to make the rest of us stronger?

Here’s the thing … it only works if the perpetrator goes out and hangs themselves. I know that it’s a heartless statement and I agree with anyone who says such. The trouble is that when you function as a unit with others who see to use their ministry to build family in church and within ACTUAL families, it is a pain in the ass literally and figuratively to have people like Queen Bee sit and lay in wait to report to the priest and this results in most cases in innuendo, half truths, and sly remarks from all sides.

I must have come up in a different time, but I remember ministry as being something that gave personal satisfaction and it also went a long way to make the ones who served feel like they were contributing to the betterment of the entire congregation. I’m not used to back-biting and back-stabbing ways. This is culture shock to me, but then again not really.

I had my own run-in with individuals who saw to it that, having taken a stand on a particular issue, I was removed from the helm of a particular music ministry. The shock sent me walking – no running – away from my faith. I have since seen the error in my judgment and have come back home. At the time I saw it as a fluke that was allowed to happen. I guess not. Be that as it may, I am stronger for what I have been through and I will not be moved… this is MY parish just like anyone else’s and it is my duty to make damned sure that things are as they should be at all times!

We all want to be blessed not just by our Pastoral Leader, but by each other … and there are times when I firmly believe that blessings from each other are more important than blessings from our earthly shepherd. How can Queen Bee really be feeling when very few of her compatriots are willing to bless her? How can she be feeling when she is at times greeted with silences when she walks into a meeting space, for fear that she may overhear something and others fear being misquoted. How can she feel knowing that she is picked for committees and positions of ‘authority’ simply to not ruffle her feathers or maybe in an attempt to impress the Shepherd?

Maybe we should feel sorry for her…

Uhmmmm … NOT!!!

Goodbye to You, My Trusted Friend ...

2010-03-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

John Bevan Foard … if you said that name to anyone in Maryland, they would look at you cross-eyed.

Punkey Foard … now THAT would get you one of two things – a grimace or a smile.

Punkey was known from one end of the state to the next. He was also famous in the farming communities in Pennsylvania … all over DC and the rest of the East Coast. They knew and respected him in Europe as well as South America, where he would go to shop for Valley View Farms. Then there’s the Trinidad and Tobago connection, as well as St Lucia, Belize and various other parts of the West Indies.

Those of us who knew of his passing on Sunday evening said goodbye to Punk’ this morning in just the way he wanted – simply, quietly, without fuss and fanfare.

We sat quietly in the Chapel at the Crematorium and reminisced about the man we all knew and loved.

I’ve always looked on Punkey as another father, so that finding out yesterday that he was gone hit me hard – perhaps harder that I was prepared to deal with. It honestly felt like I had lost my father all over again … so fierce was the pain in my chest.

I looked at the faces sitting in that little chapel. Most of us wore the same shocked and disbelieving expression. I listen as Kathy told us what were his instructions regarding his ashes and I realized that Punkey was really a romantic soul. That’s not really a surprise … I believe he honestly loved everyone that he met.

Yes there were times when he knowingly or inadvertently rubbed those same people the wrong way, but deep down he had everyone’s best interest at heart.

Today I said goodbye to my friend, my second father, my benefactor and someone who made it possible for me to laugh heartily and laugh often, even on days when all I really wanted to do was curl up and die.

Thank you Punkey for the privilege of being a preteen at many a lavish table at the Hilton, the Normandie, Chaconia and Holiday Inns. Thanks for New Year’s Eve parties at La Boucan or at home … for Sunday evening roof top dinners at fine restaurants. Thanks for the gift of knowledge given and the opportunities to explore beyond my comfort zone … for chances to witness new and different cultures and sights in my youth – both at home and abroad.

You got me into mischief, into trouble and always managed to get me out of it… Thanks for supplying me with a ton of ‘big brothers’ and additional cousins.

You threatened to ‘cuss down’ my ex-boss when you thought she had no respect for my ‘personal off time’ – proof yet again that you really were my persona protector.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is … Thank You Punkey, for making me a priority in your life when you really weren’t obligated to.

I love you, I miss you, I’m blessed to have known you…

Go with the angels and Rest in Peace.

The Pen Is Back!!!

2010-03-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I’ve addressed all of the totus bul tata that has been orbiting my personal atmosphere.

For those of you who require some sort of translation, please allow me …

Totus Bul Tata – My own Latin for the total bull shit that seems to need constant release.

Moving on …

WASA: The Ballad of Many a Dry River
Shock of shocks! There is corruption at the Water and Sewerage Authority! People have actually been making money off of the water woes of the common man. WOW … (as my boss would say with that particularly sarcastic drawl). I can attest personally to the fact that we the consumers have been paying for truck borne water deliver for EONS! There have been illegal and ‘almost’ legal connections made to WASA mains for forever!

Why is everyone so shocked by this now? And how dare the new CEO and Chairman talk about the fact that this authority is rotten from the head down and right through the core??! The unions connected with WASA have taken this statement personally, and well they should. The sad thing is that they are taking it to heart for the WRONG reasons. They appear to be genuinely surprised that anyone would ever endeavor to point fingers at their membership for committing such sins.

YEAH RIGHT!!!

Wake the hell up Pilgrims. This shit has been the status quo since time immemorial. The thing is that had it not been for changes at the helm and in the climate pattern, much of this would have gone unnoticed or dealt with … just like the leaks in the roads that have to be repaired 20 – 100 times before the family businesses of WASA officials can be financially sated.

Question – has WASA collected ALL of the outstanding monies owed to them by big business and governmental departments and ministries? Are consumers still being billed for water and sewerage services that they haven’t received? Are ‘favors’ still the order of the day at WASA headquarters if I need to have something done? And are people in certain departments still being paid for a full days’ work when they typically leave after two hours? Just asking …

Drought is apparent all round, financial, moral and actual drought.

I’m all for conservation, but you can’t tell me how long m shower needs to be until you fix the myriad leaks all over the island(s). you can’t tell me that y yard has to become a dust-bowl until your Engineering, Planning and Implementation departments start working COHESIVELY with the Ministry of Works and Transport, thereby allowing for WORKING SMART and not HARD; i.e. don’t wait until Works fixes the road to SUDDENLY remember that there is a need to OPEN A TRENCH for water/sewerage works to be done … EPIC FAIL!

PS: Loving the fact that everyone is wearing their dusty covered cars like a badge of courage! Too cute …

TTRA: An Umbrella? Unheard of …
Welcome to the era of Sophisticated Fuckwittedness. Self explanatory peeps …

So the Trinidad and Tobago Revenue Authority is an umbrella authority that would seek to bring all revenue-based authorities/ministerial departments into one cohesive unit. So far, so good. So discussions and negotiations for this authority have been ongoing since the early 2000’s … talks have been held with the relevant stakeholders … sod was turned for the development of the ministerial campus – INCLUSIVE of offices for same. Okay … we good.

As a result of totally asinine and fucked up decision making and actions by the former leadership of the Public Servants Association (PSA), there’s a new Sheriff in town … we’ll call him Cowboy Y – as in ‘WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKIN STUPID??’ All of a sudden, decisions that were all but made, and settlements that were close doff and accepted are all back up in the air? Again with the Unions. Cowboy Y has NO authority to promise public servants payments … much less say WHEN such payments would be made. So yet again … why are grown people blindly following the Sheriff into certain doom? Can we talk here? Let’s chat about the Pack Rat Mentality (PRM) or maybe it’s Grown Folk Peer Pressure (GFPP) … not sure, but it IS something. Some of those people who are risking aneurysms while marching aimlessly in 36-degree Celsius weather are some of the same people who profess that they are independent and free thinkers. Here’s the thing … these are also the same parents who ask their children if they would jump off of a cliff if little Timmy next door did it. Meantime, they are yelling at their kids for looking at them in THAT tone of voice – the one that says “Are you Freakin’ serious??!”

Again with the massive doses of sleeping pills … WAKE UP!!! You are effectively ‘spinning top in mud’ when you should be doing what you can to prepare for early retirement or career shifts. I never said that it was pleasant … what I am saying is that it is time to stop acting like you didn’t know that it was going to happen … YOU KNEW! Stop drinking the blasted Kool-Aid and take a purge!

Opposition: We Just Say No For No’s Sake
What a frickin’ mess this Motley Crew be! What – I’m supposed to give them a free pass just because the leader is a female? Fuckno! It’s because a woman is rumored to have more common sense that I will NOT. People … if you’re gonna say ‘no’ to a bill/amendment/Chinese take-out restaurant order – give a fuckin’ reason! No for no doesn’t sit well with the public at large. We are a lot smarter than you think we are – honest! Shit like that just pisses us off.

Then there is the latest batch of Parliamentarians. The leader has successfully regurgitated a man so pompous, a man with his head stuck so far up his ass that he is effectively out of touch with reality and common sense. He needs to go back to visiting the damnable Queen.

Another faux pas is the keeping and placing in the front bench … the Automaton of the Panday Era – the Marked one. What purpose can he possibly serve but to be a constant reminder of a bygone time that most of us would rather forget???!

Then there is the addition of the bald-headed, ox-like moron (did I say that out loud???!) – I mean, oxymoron. She began her decades of being the Tirade Queen by going up against the then UNC government – which by the way was made up of the majority of jackals that surround her now – the same ones who spat her out without her long-service award, gratuity and pension. Enter the era of the Bell and Placard – but where is she now? Sitting in the opposition UNC’s lap, of course. But wait – it get’s worse. Every year she parades the highways and byways supposedly in the name of and for the love of children. This includes her recent crying jag at the funeral held for that unfortunate family recently gunned down in the midst of gang warfare. She cried … she cried for the ones gone and she cried for the ones left behind. Yet she stood in Parliament last week and wept for the PRISONERS? Aren’t these the same prisoners, some of whom sit in their cells with their mobile phones and order hits from within those walls??? PICK A FUCKIN SIDE AND BE TRUE TO IT! Y’all waffle more than Aunt Jemima.

Is it any wonder that many view this particular leader’s election of some sort of political gag, with her dangling at the end of some marionette strings???

This is where the Pen pauses … stay tuned for more!

HOW TO ROMANCE A PISCES ...

2010-03-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

I received this message in the mail … take a look … I think it’s pretty accurate (smile)

The following is a brief overview of how someone with their Sun, Moon, or rising sign in the sign of Pisces may behave in romantic relationships.

Pisces live for love, but they don't just want any old relationship ... they want to lose themselves by fully merging with a soul mate. The words "love bug" and "cuddle bunny" come to mind when thinking of a Pisces in love.

Both women and men of this sign crave relationships, and are happiest with someone to connect with deeply. Ironically, those of this natural 12th sign (the sign and house of isolation and retreat) don't do so well alone... though they can be very shy and sensitive, causing them to hibernate.

I call them the "best-kept secret in town..."

Unless afflicted, they're generous, soulful, romantic people who make supportive, giving partners. They so long for union and deep connection that they have to be careful of "settling" and not holding out for that soul mate. Their attachments can be fickle and fleeting, causing them to "love the one they're with."
You see, this is a water sign and a mutable one to boot - meaning, they tend to change with the scenery, and so can their emotions. One moment they're weeping at a TV commercial about kittens, the next they're laughing at something funny in an email, and the next they're sharing deep wisdom about a spiritual truth.
So you never can be sure who's going to answer the door when visiting these "fragile flowers." Pisces is symbolized by two fishes swimming in opposite directions - there are many interpretations of what this means; but the symbol of water almost always means the emotions, and swimming in two directions is indicative of the sometimes confused, indecisive way they move through life.
So many things can seem interesting, and draw their focus. This is considered the most thin-skinned, impressionable sign of the zodiac, so it's critical that they surround themselves with those who honor their tender feelings and are healthy.
They have to be very careful who they give their heart to, because over time they'll morph into a version of that person - taking on their beliefs, mannerisms, style, and values.
You know those people who grow to look like their pets? They're probably Pisces.
In love, they follow their heart over their head, and have to be extremely careful of picking lovers who aren't good for them.
This is the sign most likely to say the dreaded words "but I LOVE him," when treated
badly. OVER-GIVING, over-accommodating, putting the needs of the other person FIRST, and avoiding confrontations at all costs are the greatest challenge of these watery beings in all of their relationships.
They have yet to learn that the word "no" is a complete sentence - and an actual word!
This is the natural sign of volunteering and self-sacrifice, so they make the best counselors, teachers, and consultants; but they should avoid picking partners who
need HELP, and do all that counseling, teaching, and consulting ON THE CLOCK and FOR PAY - not in their private lives...
One of their other romantic strengths and challenges is that Pisces is ruled by Jupiter - the most wise and optimistic planet in the solar system. So, their Jupiterian nature LOVES to uplift and inspire others, and always believes in the best of people, only seeing their good qualities, and giving them too much benefit of the doubt. Let's just say they could use a few more "street smarts" and a little less empathy.
Jesus' advice to "turn the other cheek" and forgive endlessly is a VERY Piscean ideal … beautiful but potentially dangerous in one-on-one relationships.
Speaking of Jesus, Pisces LOVE having a spiritual life, able to easily meditate and take to other spiritual practices such as yoga and chanting.
They're often found in places of spiritual retreat such as yoga classes, ashrams, and
monasteries.
(This is the sign of mystics...)
And they LOVE the arts - especially the emotional arts like music, drama, and poetry. They're creative, alluring dreamers and need a partner who appreciates what they have to contribute.
Because of their deep, soulful emotional sensitivity, they have great spiritual gifts and
incredible intuition. Pay attention to their "take" on things, and their advice - their gut instincts are always right on, even though they aren't skilled at following them themselves...
Their intensity of feelings can lead them to self-medicate and do things to NUMB OUT - such as over-eating, over-spending, or drinking and drugs...
Let's just say boundaries, structure, and doing "grown up" things like paying the bills on time and keeping their affairs organized aren't their strength.
"Going with the flow" and soaring to high creative, mystical heights are. They long to please, and don't mind letting a lover lead - especially in the bedroom. (Wink, wink...)
If in love with a Pisces, be sure to be a patient listener - they NEED to share their
innermost thoughts and feelings and thrive on lots of attention...
They feel soothed by animals and nature, and especially enjoy being around water. When stressed, they need to withdraw from the world. The best way to comfort a Pisces is through something soft and loving - they long to be touched, massaged, bathed, and petted. They DO NOT respond well to "tough love" or constructive feedback, and take any criticism way too hard.
Though they're MORE than willing to admit their faults - and take the blame for things that are not their responsibility. When upset, they'll withdraw and pout, being a "silent screamer" over any other kind.
A Pisces will almost never speak in anger or be cruel unless something else is going on in their stars. In fact, it takes A LOT to make them angry - they'll give and give and give and give and give and give, all the while saying, "I'm fine..."
But they do have a limit, and when they hit it - WATCH OUT. Silent screaming begins... And it's deafening!
On dates they'll love Hallmark Card moments - walks hand-in-hand by the ocean, the sharing of innermost feelings, reading by the fire, watching the sunset, and gazing deeply into their lover’s eyes. They'll prefer quiet nights for two to exciting
social events with groups.
Though natural homebodies, they love to travel, especially to distant far-flung places or islands.
To win one over, do something heroic and generous like rescue a lost dog, or feed the
hungry … read up on the lives of saints and the teachings of the world's religions. Memorize lines of Rumi and Shakespeare, and have lots of candles, bubble bath, and mood music on hand.
If you're willing to be the more "in the world," organized person of the two of you and
remain un-phased by their moods, this can be a lover and partner to be so grateful for.
There's nothing they won't do for the one they love. So life with a Pisces will be a dreamy, romantic adventure, full of snuggles, support, art, and passion.
You may not know that there are actually THREE signs within the sign of Pisces, each with even more distinct, specific personality "quirks" and emotional needs.
You see, the very first system of astrology, Vedic astrology of India, looks to twenty-seven smaller constellations called "nakshatras" that were later incorporated into the twelve Greek signs. It's these twenty-seven signs that tell you what you REALLY need to know - who you are, what matters most to you, and who you best get along
with.
Knowing what constellation a man is born into is THE way to know what he really needs and wants when it comes to love - and if you're compatible with him or not.
May God and his planets and stars shower you with love!
Carol Allen
Yep! That’s us alright!

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH ...

2010-03-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

I am a Literature buff from a ways back. I’ve always loved the written word, and have since developed quite the love for the spoken word as well. Words are soothing to me…

One of the books that I studied at examination level in ‘High School’ was Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, and one of the lines that has been stuck in my head since then is “Beware the Ides of March!”

I remember having been particularly offended the first time I heard that line because of my understandable affinity for the month of March. It is after all the month of my birth … and while my birthday is nowhere near the 15th, I happen to be offended by any reference to ill-will that may occur in the beautiful month of March.

Ah, the innocence of youth. How I long for the days when bad news, disappointment and – well – disgust came as such a shock to your system that it could actually shut you down. Now the jadedness of perceived ‘seniority’ may make you ill at such occurrences but they generally roll off of one’s back like so much water.

I must confess that my own encounter with the Ides of March could not have been prepared for … but then again it could have been. I suppose that I am just overly sensitive right now … who knows. Prepared or not, it’s always a devastation when the people that one has held closest to one’s chest turns out to be the ones that literally stab us in the back.

There aren’t many people that have had the privilege to be let into my inner sanctum, but it looks like I’m going to have to pull a couple ‘membership cards’ from some of the people in there. What good is it when one attempts to build up resources and those same resources have no problem spitting you out on Idus Martiae (Latin, Ides of March). Others have said to me that I need to ‘let it go’, that that is the way that they would handle it. I do so solemnly wish that I could just dust off and press on. It is a little difficult when the individual involved has cut so close to the bone. My mother has this saying that she uses from time to time that says that it is always worse when you’re bitten by your own flea. Well that is precisely the way that I feel right now. Oh I know that I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it, and believe me I will. Right now on the other hand, I need to take this time to reconstruct my ‘fortress’, as there seems to be some bricks that may need to be chipped away.

And like Caesar, I was warned … I had my own seer, but like Caesar, I ignored the warning. Now, again like Caesar, I am forced to turn and look at that brick and ask “Et tu Brute?!”

I find it all so unfortunate, ironic and just garden-variety wretched that in this world, it could be so hard to find like minded spirits to share ones inner self with …

What happened to honor … what happened to actual friendship, and support? Is it that most people have now come to the point of being friends through convenience, and as soon as they have achieved their own Zen and Xanadu, they then disavow the others who have to this point been there for them? Should that be the case then yet again I am forced to hold tight to what little faith I have left in our Humanity.

The good news is that I am approaching the end of my own tunnel, but theirs is still waiting in the wings … and in true Pisces form I will probably be there yelling that they beware there own Ides of March.

That’s the way that I’m made up … it is a part of me that I love – my ability to love others no matter what … and it is another object lesson to me along the way, and I have learnt from it to I am thankful, and I will be more thankful as soon as I reach around and pull the dagger out that had been so firmly SLAMMED into my spine!!!

“Joy Cometh in the Morning”, and I will be the better for it.

LENT, LENTEN, LENTILS???

2010-02-22T09:53:00.000-08:00

I wonder if it’s just me … but at the beginning of each Season of Lent, ever since I was a child, my imagination always connected Lenten-tide (is that a word??) with Lentils.

Maybe it was that peas and beans featured heavily and still do on my family’s menu during this period, and my favorite is still lentils … maybe it was jut the play on words. I don’t know, but there’s something.

The funny this is that on Friday last, I went home to find a pot of sweet smelling stewed lentils on the stove. There were other things too but that was the first thing that all of my senses recognized and craved.

I sat in my now Happy Place with my bowl of lentils before me … smile on face and spoon in hand, and savored that first taste. Life was good – in fact life was wonderful!

As I ate, I thought of how nutritious these little power packed legumes are. Lentils are recognized as being a protein-packed meat substitute; in fact one web-page declared that “Lentils are to India what meatloaf is to America” (http://www.eating.health.com/2008/02/01/worlds-healthiest-foods-lentils-india ).
Amazing isn’t it?

Here’s something else that’s amazing. Lent is a season that constantly calls us back to the goodness of our Lord and Saviour. We are invited to “Taste and See that the Lord is Good” (Ps 34:8); to note “What marvels the Lord as done for us …” (Ps 105:5); and we are then invited to the biggest and most important of feasts – The Last Supper (Matt. 26:1-29)

This would make the wonderful Word of God our Spiritual Lentils as it were. We should see each and every pearl of wisdom as our Spiritual Food, but there are times when we forget – and that’s us – human…

We need to continue to nourish our souls with the Word of God. Shoot, it’s the best diet – right??? Well … Spiritually anyway. We really do need those lentils in the real world.

I was having lunch yesterday (Sunday) when it came to me that I am to liquid fast on Wednesdays for Lent, from six to six, and to endeavor to pray every hour on the hour. I will do my best to complete this task and I ask for your prayers and support (big girls don’t fast well  ).

Have you decided what your additional Spiritual activity is going to be this Lent? Maybe you’re going to give something up or add something special in … it’s up to you.

Whatever you do, be blessed in and with it, and don’t forget your “Lenten Lentils”.

Shalom.

My Heart, My Valentine...

2010-02-08T17:34:00.001-08:00

You are my Heart, my Valentine
These are the words that I long
To say to you –
Not just in my heart, but out loud
Where the world can hear …
Your heart is timid, so afraid of being hurt –
Yet again
By one of my sex …
Just as I have a hard time
Believing the words that
Erupt from the mouths
Of members of yours …
Yet I am willing to leap
With you
Be my Valentine, my Heart
Let me be all that I can be
For and with you
Open wide the door that keeps your heart
Away from me
Let me into the corridors of your being
In the same way that you
Are able to wander mine …
I love you --- it’s that simple …
And yet so complicated
Take the chance and walk with me
Away from the mamas and the dramas
I know it feels like I’m asking for the world
Right now
But I’m not …
I’m asking you
To leap into your own happiness …
I know the time will come
When you will walk
Freely into my arms
And I will always welcome you
Until then …
Know that I love you
My precious Valentine
And I’m glad that
You are indeed Mine!

Once ...

2010-02-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

Once I wandered
In the Desert of
My own Lonely Heart …
Once I sat on the
Edge of the Lake
Of Sorrow and Tears
Convinced that there
Was nothing written
In the Book of
Happiness for me …

I made my peace
Longed no more for a piece
Of the Joy that I
Recognized in others

Then you appeared
On my horizon
With a Smile that
Inspired Laughter
And Laughter that
Brought the Dormant
To Life
You saw through me –
You saw ME.
You Heard me
And yet you Listened
You Dared me to
Take a Chance –
Just once …

I Wondered
I Meditated
I Procrastinated
And you Knew …
You Watched me
As I put my toe
Into the water – daring
To make a move –
Just once …

You made me Look
At myself through your eyes
And amazed I was
To see myself as
Beautiful and vibrant …
Sexy and sexual
A woman alive –
For once …

You are the Sun
In my Shine
You gave me what I needed
To peel away the shell
That once protected my Heart, my Me
My Being

You’ve shared yourself with me
And let me do the same with you

I love you
Not for any particular reason
But for all the silly reasons
That make me love you more
I’ve named you and I claim you
You’ve been my past
You are my present …
The one that I’ll open
In the future …

Fairy Tale Endings & Other Seemingly Unattainable Goals ...

2010-01-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

“And they lived happily ever after”. That’s usually at the end of the story I know, but I’m different. Actually, that’s really what I want to address …

I know I’ve walked down this road before, but it looks like there are some things that bear repeating.

Why is it that so many of my sisters are hung up on the fairy tale aspects of a wedding and have not given any real and substantial thought to the marriage that commenced the minute that they said ‘I do’?

That was my question two years ago and it’s still the question now. The thing that I have learnt through observation is that many of the couples that are making that step into matrimony are not really doing so with an eye towards lifetime commitment, but as something they ‘commit’ to until such a time when they invoke the escape clause.

The irony is that they put so much thought into the preparation and execution of the ‘perfect’ wedding. They oversee every last detail – from the colour scheme to the food, the dresses, the notions – EVERYTHING! All must be made perfect for one day. As it happens, when the balloons come down and the chair tie backs are returned, it seems to all be a mystery.

And they lived happily after. Those words have been both blessing and curse since the first time that they were uttered. I’m not saying that we don’t all yearn for that wonderful storybook ending, but what we seem to have forgotten is that none of us can say from the onset that ‘happily ever after’ is carded for us.

As long as we are breathing, viable entities, there will be times of distress, illness, sadness … there will be times of anger and fed-up-ness. What is integral is that as someone in a MARRIAGE, one has to remember that all of these feelings and moments are now shared with someone else.

There are definitely going to be times when you’re going to look at each other and wonder why in the hell you decided to spend the rest of your life with this person. Still, that is not a reason to walk away.

Is it that many of the people today have lost sight of the reasons why they got together in the first place? How is it that the same actions or words that a would-be wife/husband found endearing in their soon to be partner can after a couple of years, and in some cases, after a couple of months, bring their blood to a rapid boil when simmered in the pot of annoyance and disgust?

The other thing that I end up wondering is whether some of the people who seem to have no staying power had actually SETTLED in the first place. Is it that they wanted a wedding so much that they hitched their wagon to a star that wasn’t really supposed to be theirs?

Honestly – whatever the means or reasons for these connections, they are SUPPOSED to LAST. The words that some people recite when they make their vows to each other are actually supposed to be PRAYED. It’s a prayer people, not just some random words strung together to entertain your guests. People see vows as something that you get through … words you parrot after the officiant … words said before they get to the ring and the kiss. Not so …

A vow is a promise; and this particular vow is one made before God and men. It’s a sacred vow … but at times it has been obvious to me that the parties involved have no idea what they are saying … nor do they take the time to understand the significance of the words being prayed. You are effectively promising God, in the presence of witnesses, that you are going to love, cherish and respect each other for the rest of your lives – no matter what. That is a difficult prospect, but had you taken the time to grow to know and REALLY love the person that you are standing with before God, then you will make it.

Where is all of this coming from? I have no idea. Maybe it’s born out of the observation that people are more willing to walk away form their partners and marriages easily because they have forgotten what had gotten them to marriage in the first place.

I’m not married. I still hope to be one day and soon, but I have sung at enough weddings to know what I speak of. I take the time to mention this because there are people I’m sure who would love to tell me a thing or two about what I have written. Lemme just say that I am not bashing anyone. I’m just trying to remind the Married of their vows, the Engaged of the marriage that comes after the wedding and the Single to take the time to make wise and informed choices.

And they lived happily after. The other aspect of this is that some of us have conveniently chosen to forget that there was stress, intrigue and drama in every fairy tale that had a happy ending. The prince didn’t just get the princess. There was work to be done … witches to vanquish and dragons to be slain.

The lesson therefore is that the work must be done and the mountains must be breached before the happily ever after can be attained…

Go find your beautiful princess and your prince charming by all means, but take the time to pull a page or two out their stories so that in the end, others can look at the two of you and confidently proclaim …

“And they lived happily ever after … The Beginning!”

Trouble in Haiti?? WOW! I'm SHOCKED!!!

2010-01-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

Ever since the earthquake took place last Tuesday, people have been declaring shock and horror over the devastation that has been experienced and is still being experienced by the people of that battered and torn country.

What stays with me is the shock and awe in the voices of the speakers. Why? Because just as it has been declared that ‘there is nothing new under the sun’, the same can most definitely be said about out ‘bastard’ sister Haiti.

My words may sound harsh, but hear me out…

Haiti is basically the ‘outside chile’ of the Caribbean that we all forget about until there is an appropriate photo-op. We all behave as if Haiti does not exist until the next ‘official’ disaster.

I have been exposed to the horrors of daily life in Haiti since my teen years when one of our priests, Fr John ‘T’, or Fr Haiti as he is affectionately known, set up a slide show at our Parish during a youth retreat, to show us how luck and privileged we were to live the lives we did and do in Trinidad. That was over 25 years ago, and even then, the horrors were not new. Yet, we persist in acting surprised each time Haiti’s rumblings erupt into something that can no longer be contained out of our consciousness.

I recall the sentimentality and verve of my youth, when I collected clothing and cans for my fellow Caribbean peoples, hoping that this time would be the time when peace and order would be restored.

Forgive my now jaded adult existence, and I’m usually warm, fuzzy and sympathetic, but I too have fallen prey to the images that have been coming out of Haiti over the past few years – images of a people who can’t even get along with each other long enough to make a change and make it work … a people so taken over by loathing – of self (country) and others that they despise the very offers of aid, and yet they complain that the world has forgotten them.

Common images of the Haitian experience - the children, the palace, the voodoo ...

Haiti should have been the Caribbean nation that we all looked up to. This is a country that was independent and ruled by a black man in the 1800’s, back when many a black man was indeed still a slave on this side of the pond. Instead, it has become the poster child for the old adage ‘Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. This was brought home to me in living colour the other afternoon while I looked at the ‘disaster’ coverage and was yet again appalled to see cutlass (machete) wielding men and women running the streets of Port au Prince in an attempt to loot foodstuff from supermarkets, all the while threatening the lives of those who were unarmed, and who might have gotten there before them.

As a country you are devastated … you infrastructure is shot … foreign aid is having a hell of a time getting to you. Many of you are unsure as to the life status of your family members, yet you find the time to fight and kill each other over a can of soup? Pardon my naïveté but this sort of thing doesn’t exactly endear me to the cause, yet I will press on.

Tuesday’s Newsday (newspaper) greeted me with the sight of a looter being dragged naked through the streets – a rope around his ankles while being bludgeoned by a bystander using a block of wood. Why???

Last weekend we were all up in arms when Pat Robertson of the American evangelical Bible-belt declared that the problems that seem to be a recurring decimal in Haiti occurred because the nation had made a pact with the devil to get out from under colonial rule.

So Pat Robertson is really not my favorite person, and yes, we all gasped and mouthed the words ‘HOW DARE HE’, while we pumped our fists in righteous indignation, but believe you me, I KNOW we all in the back of our psyches did some quick math and wondered …

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that a pact was made with the devil, but I would sadly acknowledge that a country that has been known for centuries as the Seat of Voodoo and Black Magic in the Caribbean – well … one wonders…

Please do not misunderstand me – far be it for me to sit in judgment over anyone, particularly since it would appear that the ‘younger generation’ of my own island republic seems to have lost their patience, so much so that I feel like I live in the Wild, Wild West! What I am saying is that the attitudes and behavior of a nation can sometimes make it a tad difficult for onlookers to be sympathetic.

My own opinion is that the key to saving what is left of Haiti is to save the little ones, and that seems to be the way that most of the international agencies are going. No, I am not saying that the adults need to be left behind to die. I am saying that the up and coming generation can still be molded into loving supportive people, who see each other in a way that allows for dialogue, good will and support in times of peace, and conflict.

So I believe in fairy tales – so what???! But if we don’t save the little ones, what is going to happen? Are we doomed to see repeat after repeat of the same ill-made horror movie until we get it right?

Someone in their own wisdom said to me that destruction is a means of ensuring change … I have lost count as to what number ‘do over’ this is for Haiti, but I feel that THIS is the one that NEEDS to be taken seriously.

Having said all that I just have, and in the face of an after-shock this morning of a magnitude of 6.0, I ask still for your continued prayers and support – monetarily and otherwise – for the people of Haiti. They are for a fact out brothers and sisters. They are a part of the Caribbean and an integral part of our diasporic experience.

Do what you can and then … do some more!

Thanks.

CONSTRUCTIVE MISCHIEF...

2010-01-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have been constructively mischievous over the past few days. There was something that needed to get done, so I did it ...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm proud to introduce you to my latest project - 'WHISPERS WITHIN' ... Take a look...

and follow this link:

This process was almost too easy to be true ... Yes, I am still getting to 'known' status, but I decided that there was absolutely nothing wrong with having two (2) books available for purchase.

I would like to thank one of my mentors for sending me in the direction of Lulu. It's an interesting premise, and I would even advise any of you budding authors out there to give it a look.

Here's to lots of purchases, and the right kind of notoriety!!!

SERIOUSLY? REALLY? YOU'RE BITCHIN' ABOUT BEYONCE???

2010-01-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

Can someone please explain all of the hullaballoo surrounding Beyonce’s scheduled visit to Trinidad on February 18, 2010? Why are all of these supposed concerned people up in arms about the cost of the tickets and the cost of the star???

Has it occurred yet that the T&T public is looking at this from a ‘dollar for dollar’ point of view and not via conversion to US dollars?

It is always so funny to me when people get exactly what they asked for and then flare up. The Trini posse all declared that they wanted B to come to the island – well she’s gonna be here whether they like it or not. Here’s the thing though – THEY WANT IT! This is indicated by the fact that all of the TT$1600.00 tickets are gone – sold – accounted for … and this happened in one day – ONE DAY … via the internet and pre-booking. The CHEAPEST tickets – TT$450.00 – are the tickets that are struggling, and the TT$1,000.00 are almost depleted as well.

So … if this is the case … where do the Union, the Rapso Community and now I see the Minister of Public Utilities get off ranting and raving???!

The Union is complaining that they are working with 2005 salary scales and they simply cannot make ends meet. Those of you with access to someone who is employed at TSTT and is close enough to them to ask about salaries, please ask and make sure you’ve taken your heart meds, because to date, TSTT workers are the HIGHEST PAID natives in the land! Here’s the gift here … this concert will recoup all monies spent and then some, so there’s a profit at the end of the rainbow… go figure.

The Rapso and supposed Trini cultural community is talking about splitting loyalties at Carnival … oh please! Learn to accept the fact that most of the Trinis who will be attending this concert are the SAME people who will be going to all the all-inclusive fetes; have already purchased their $3-$4,000 costumes; will be buying new outfits to attend all the fetes, and will not be caught DEAD going to B’s concert with anything previously worn, so that’s another new outfit. That’s commerce, profit, loans being had – another boon to the economy as people will have to pay all that shit back! As to the claim that TSTT is not behind the culture of T&T – well … I just wanna vomit, because the biggest shows and fetes are sponsored by TSTT in some form or fashion. Every year most of us fete goers walk away with ‘nuff bandannas, neon sticks and necklaces and hats and t-shirts, etc. etc. etc. … proof of TSTT’s presence in all things Carnival and cultural. TSTT also sponsors culture OUTSIDE of Carnival, and has not indicated a drop in said sponsorship in order to have ‘Sasha Fierce’ on our shores… so do yuh homework folks …

As to the goodly Minister of Public Utilities … how you get chain up in dis shit??? You’re INVESTIGATING B-Mobile’s sponsorship of this concert? I know that telecommunications is a public utility but last I checked, didn’t you guys make TSTT a PRIVATE COMPANY a lil while ago??? So aren’t you now overstepping your bounds??? Has it occurred to you that they could be paying Miss Thing out of profits??? Never mind the advertising that goes on, we all know that TSTT has the bigger better network, and the majority of the mobile customers on this island so … again … why exactly are you investigating this??? Is this being seen as a means for media coverage or is it the cause of the day?

Now having said all of this, please note that I am likely to purchase the DVD of the Beyonce concert as performed in Las Vegas before I shell out a cent to see her live here … I don’t have that kind of money to – uhm… ‘spend’ (not waste, surely!!!) at this time. I have debts to pay, but that’s just me. I say ‘more power’ to the peeps who are willing and able to go have B’s sweat hit them in the face. Have a time, take lots of pictures … that’s my advice.

To the nay-sayers, all I can say is TAKE YOUR FRIGGIN' HEADS OUT OF THE SAND! Realize that Trinis will prioritize in the ways that they choose and there ain’t a damned thing that you can do about it. They have their business fix, and honeys, be it after Carnival or after Independence … they ones who are interested will find the ways and means of making their Beyonce dreams come true … as evidenced by the very healthy sale of the ‘good’ seats.

It’s time for you guys to stop acting your shoe sizes and start acting your ages. She is wanted here and awaited with baited breath and you can’t stop that music!!!

A Tale of Scales and Fish...

2009-12-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

You – yeah – you …
You Libra man
You are the scales on
Me the fish…
And I don’t mean weight
I mean that you –
You sweet, affable
And unbalanced, loving Libra
Are the scales that
I, the loving, insecure,
All giving Piscean woman
Am always trying to shake off
Scrape free from, peel away
But I can’t
And it’s not that I really want too …
Because when you decide
To wrap yourself around me
When you take it to heart that
I am the one that you
Want to engulf in your strength
To shower in your love
To bathe in your care
When the realization hits
That I am the one …
Then am I well and truly treasured
Then am I unbelievable precious
Then do I glow in your amorous
Embrace, in your Cloak of Eros

And honey …
Those scales become diamonds …
Iridescent light
Fractured yet whole as
I proudly don this
Suit of your grace
This dress made of you
Your essence, your unique you-ness…
Take off these scales?
Heaven forbid that I
Would lose even one
I love that you
Are stuck to me like glue.
You are my scales
My armor, my protector
My one my heart
My all
And this fish wants nothing less
Than the all that you have to give
To me and me alone!

Tis The Season ...

2009-11-30T11:43:00.000-08:00

The Silly Season has begun in earnest.

I refer here to the season prior to Christmas – another time when mankind seems to lose sight of the reason that we revere this time of year.

The very word ‘Christmas’ tell s us exactly what it is all about. Christmas or Christ-Mass literally means the Mass of Christ or the celebration of Christ. The scientific meaning of the word is ‘The Incarnation of God’.

According to an article by Leon James called ‘THE SCIENTIFIC MEANING OF CHRISTMAS’ ( www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/theistic/christmas/html ) - the prior conscious awareness of God was replaced by Blind Faith, but a blind faith is not the same as a rational faith based on conscious understanding of God; a blind faith enters just the Natural layer of the mind. The Spiritual layer requires that our faith be rational.

It is apparent that the only way that God saw to remedy the situation was by entering history and science. He made himself to be born as a Divine Human Child.

There is a lot more to this article and I would advise that you read it at your own convenience. I have however mentioned it in order to lend credence to the idea that Jesus the Christ is to be worshipped and adored always and forever, and specifically during this season of Advent and Christmas that – no matter how inaccurate the dates may be – commemorates His birth.

Advent is our preparation time. This is the time when we are to look within and see the areas that need to be repaired or addressed in our relationship with the Most High.

Yes, the preparation of our surroundings is important as well, but ‘putting away’ the internal is a major prerequisite to Christmas.

Unfortunately our main concerns are usually the sales, the house, the clothes, the food and the gifts.

Seriously though … what gift will you give to the Christ Child? While you’re cleaning up, are you going to clean up your act? Are you going to heed His call to return to Him?

I began this thought process by referring to this time as ‘the Silly Season’, and that is because it is the time of the year when most of us take leave of our senses and forget ourselves. We overdo everything – spending, eating, drinking, partying, etc, etc, etc.

We are offered yet again the opportunity to hit our ‘reset’ buttons – to re-prioritize our lives and refocus on what should be the most important things in our lives – our God, our Families, Friends and the Love that constantly surrounds us – even when we’re not aware.

My wish for us all is this Advent is that we learn that without God we are naught but dust – without Jesus there is no eternal life for us and without rational faith in the God who knew us before he formed us, we will continue to keep Him in abstract – which is nowhere.

We are being reminded that Jesus is the reason for the season – not Jimmy Aboud, Macys, Overstocked.com, Pathmark or Hi Lo (depending on your geography!)

Advent blessings!

DREAMING AWAY AT NATIONAL SECURITY WHILE VISIONS OF OJT’S DANCE IN OUR MUDDLED HEADS …

2009-11-13T09:46:00.000-08:00

It should have been a simple process … it was supposed to be in-and-out in about a half an hour. It was not to be.

Anyone who lives here, has visited here or has even had a layover in our airport has come into contact with the bureaucratic labyrinth that is the Immigration process in Trinidad and Tobago; and none of the aforementioned segments of our society have ever really fully made it out of the maze.

Well … I found myself fully ensconced in the Matrix on Wednesday. I entered the matrix that morning at approximately 9AM when I presented myself to the offices of a REPUTABLE Commissioner of Affidavits, only to find a long line of fellow hopefuls and doors that were firmly shut … AT 9AM in a notoriously 8 to 4 country … STRIKE ONE.

I took myself off to the Hall of Justice to visit with my sister-friend, who is a Clerk to Judges, where I was informed that she was not in the building, only to call her and have her appear from INSIDE the very building that she was supposedly out of … this is a building that is virtually crawling with every sort of security device, cameras a, police and security personnel. RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! STRIKE TWO.

I went back to the offices of the reputable commissioner of affidavits to find that she was indeed on duty with an office full of people frothing at the mouth to have their wrongs righted by the goodly officer of the Public Domain. I waited, got my form signed and stamped, paid my fees and took myself off to the Immigration Department – a division of the Ministry of National Security.

I opened the doors to two serpentining, intertwining lines – one to the Receptionist … one to the Collections Counter. I had to play a game of FIND MY END to know where I should stand. While shuffling off to my own private ‘Buffalo”, I witnessed four women bedecked in key cards swinging from their necks reading the words ‘MINISTRY OF CULTURE’, sauntering in. One of them stood off to the left and the other three proceeded to the counter to be attended to. Did I mention that they went directly to the SAME counter that approximately TWENTY of us were standing IN A LINE to get to for the same service? No? Well they did. This incensed a few of my fellow shufflers and they proceeded t raise a bit of a stink, one of them even going to far as to take himself to the front of the line. That’s when the policeman on duty decided that he felt the need to act.

Here’s the hilarity … these three women walked STRAIGHT UP TO THE COUNTER and officer chupidy stood by and WATCHED, but one man moved from the ACTUAL LINE and he is angry??? WHAT THE FUCK???! STRIKE THREE.

Another officer came over and spoke to the gentleman and informed him that that sort of thing happens often when OTHER GOVERNMENTAL OFFICERS come in to the office. Note to self: wear a Governmental key card around neck the NEXT time I need to be treated ‘SPECIALLY’ at a governmental office .

Having finally gained the front of the ACTUAL line, I presented my documents and was about to explain about my lost passport and form regarding same when I was told that all they needed were the ID Cards involved. I submitted same, was told that the passports were ready and that I needed to have a seat and wait for my name to be called. I complied.

I sat there observing the colourfully dressed members of staff, wondering how come they weren’t wearing the prescribed blue and grey uniform of the Division. I dismissed the thought as I continued my penance – yes my penance because it was almost three hours before I was called to the Issuance Counter. I produced the documents required only to be told THEN that I was unable to collect my passport because my LOST PASSPORT FORM was printed on the WRONG SIZED PAPER and not two sided as recommended. I am standing at the counter with a form, signed by the Police and a Commissioner of Affidavits (A signature and stamp that I had to pay for as previously stated!) and you’re going to tell me that it’s the wrong sized paper when your fuckin’ PDF files feed at lettersized???! And how exactly is this my fault???!

I am then sent to the receptionist who then proceeds to tell me that I “Cyah get a form until yuh have ah appointment.” I then inhale as DEEPLY as possible so as not to blow this little fuckwits brains out and inform the little brightly dressed OJTer that I was in fact COLLECTING MY ALREADY PROCESSED PASSPORT … that I already had my appointment and was sent to her to see if the form would be accepted. She then informs “Well I have tuh talk to my Supervisor!” I then went back to the other brightly dressed person who sent me to her in the first place to ask why I can’t get the passport on submission of the form, only to be told that they have to INVESTIGATE whether my passport is REALLY lost – as if I would go through this insipid shit all over again – because no one is to have two valid passports. I tell miss thing that my passport was expired and that all she has to do is check the form in front of her. eyes are rolled at me … “Ma’am … be that as it may we HAVE to investigate!”

Question – If I lost my passport and couldn’t find it, having traced and retraced my steps, how de arse are they going to investigate the whereabouts of my passport? Is the plan to stand on every corner in Port of Spain and shout ‘HERE PASSPORT, PASSPORT, PASSPORT!” in the hopes that it fuckin answers???
When the illusive Supervisor finally turns up forty five minutes later the woman – another TEMP – informs me that I ‘Should have KNOWN that I needed to ADJUST the PDF FEED so that it would print on Legal paper” and then proceeds to ask me in her own ‘warm’ way “YOU TINK YOU IS DE ONLY PERSON WHOEVER PRINT DIS FORM ONLINE?” I open my mouth to tell her just what I think of her fuckwitted and nasty-ass attitude but she cuts me off with “:ANYWAY WE EH ARGUIN ABOUT DE FORM. IT WRONG AN’ IS NOT OUR FAULT – START OVER!” and then she shoves a printed form at me … looks over my head and shouts “NEXT!”

Now I ask you --- what would you have done then? How would you have felt, having been so unceremoniously dismissed by a PUBLIC SERVANT WHOSE SALARY AND BENEFITS ARE PAID BY YOUR BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS AND TAXES? In fact how would you react having been assaulted by an entire fuckin system???!

Honestly, I felt raped, taken advantage of and thrown on a heap for speedy disposal.

I know that temps and OJTers are a part of life in the government service – heck, I’ve been a temp in the service – and kudos to the powers that be for trying to train out young’uns for the world of work; but that’s just it – THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT TRAINED!

After what I and the other pilgrims went through on Wednesday – I suggest that the Ministry of National Security Passport office is NOT the place for priggish, ill-mannered temps and pregnant, impatient, short-tempered OJTers – people are already in a state of shock and annoyance when they open those doors and enter the Labyrinth of Bedlam … the Matrix of Mayhem. It would so ease the pain and frustration to be served by a PROFESSIONAL member of staff who has a clue, some manners, and proper CSR training, but I know that somewhere in the dark and cobwebbed filled corridors of the Ministerial Human Resources Department, some grey-headed clerk just had a fuckin heart attack because they can’t remember the last time they heard CSR Training and Staff in the same sentence! That shit just ain’t done!

So as a result, we are doomed to remain like Charlie One Note … dancing in our sleep and dreaming of the day when someone cracks the code and we can finally escape THE MATRIX OF BUREAUCRATIC DOOM with the simple words “Good Morning, How can I be of service to you today?”

NB: For those of you who don’t know, an OJTer is an On The Job Training participant.

Changing Our Internal Soundtrack ...

2009-11-05T22:17:00.000-08:00

I recently spoke to a dear one of mine who is presently going through some things. It’s been rough for them, and I know that there are nights that remain sleepless, as well as days of black clouds, hesitance and doubt.

They have attempted to remain optimistic in the face of harrowing body blows. They smile and joke, and it’s a pattern that I have come to recognize from my own experiences with ‘days of thunder’ as I choose to call them.

Our internal soundtracks are the ‘inner voices’ that guide us, be they celestial, emotional, spiritual, ancestral or voices from our past. These are the voices that are with us at our highest and lowest moments.

At our pinnacles, they constantly pat us on the back … remind us of how wonderful we are and can even press on to cause us to become quite selfish, and mindless of the people or circumstances that have gotten us to this particular peak.

In our pits of despair, these same voices can be the ones that jeer and sneer at us, while reminding us of every single failure in our lives … from kindergarten to that time at the office when we fell flat on our faces in the middle of a presentation.

They are the soundtracks of our lives, and I don’t know about you, but I would rather have a nice balanced play list that shows me where I’ve gone wrong and cheers me on while I attempt to repair the problem.

The worst thing is when WE are the voice that we hear … the voice of our own insecurity…

I told my dear one this morning that they needed to remain thankful and that they needed to find something at the end of each day to be thankful and grateful for – be it a parking space or a butterfly that came their way. The response was “I am thankful and I start my prayers off with thanksgiving but … it’s hard…”

The word BUT is a bitch of a word and here’s why … are you aware that EVERYTIME you say BUT you have effectively negated everything that went before it?

Here’s a prime example – I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART BUT I CAN’T STAY WITH YOU…

I love you with all my heart … I can’t stay with you … BUT in the middle. You’ve just told someone that you don’t love them and goodbye.

The ‘supposed’ love that you feel for that person is just a plaster to try to make them feel better as you walk away.

Let’s look at my dear one’s statement … “I am thankful and I start my prayers off with thanksgiving but it’s hard some days…”

I am thankful and I start by prayers off with thanks giving … it’s hard some days … BUT in the middle. Stay with me class … they’ve just said he isn’t thankful and life is hard.

Now before you pick up your soap box and turn it over in an attempt to tell me what a cold hearted bitch I am, lemme just explain what I mean.

Yes I know that there is absolutely NOBODY on this earth who wakes up everyday all peachy keen and in the pink of great humor. Yes I know that we all have our battles to fight. I also know that WE are the ones who allow others to hold us back … we are the ones who allow the seeds of doubt and sometimes ultimate failure to permeate our souls on our good and bad days. The word BUT is a word that inspires doubt … e.g. YES I KNOW HE CAN DO IT BUT LEMME JUST HELP HIM. Again … Yes I know he can do it … Lemme just help him … BUT in the middle. This works out to be ‘I don’t trust him to be able to do this so I’ma stick my foot in it.’

When we start adding BUT to our vocabulary when it concerns ourselves, we are giving life to self-doubt, insecurity, and mistrust of self. How could that be a good thing? If we don’t love, trust, respect and believe in ourselves … who’s gonna do it for us?

So you’ve been told all your life that ‘little black boys and girls will NEVER amount to anything in this world” and you have a setback … do you wallow in the mud and slime and doubt yourself while giving life to what OTHERS have said to you? NO! You change your internal soundtrack and you keep telling yourself “I am going to make it DESPITE what has been said to me and about me!”

You realize that it’s not going to work and you end a relationship or the relationship is ended by your partner. You’ve been told since the age of reason that “people in your family NEVER stay together anyway so why bother … your relationship skills are jinxed.” Are you going to let someone else speak into your life and tell you that you’re never going to find relationship happiness? NO! you change your soundtrack and tell yourself that “I will find with God’s help the one who is made for me. He/She is coming and soon!”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that positivity is so much more effective than her evil twin negativity. Someone pointed out to me the other day that when life gives you lemons you ask for sugar, because the water is free. That sounds like wonderful advice to me.

No I’m not sending you out there to be the voice of constant cheerleading … that would just be annoying. What I am saying dear ones is that life is hard, days can be tough, BUT with the right attitude … we will all get to where we are destined to be!

Guess Who's on Amazon???!

2009-11-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

That's right luvvies! AT LAST by Donna Mae Greaves is now available for purchase on www.amazon.com.

Here's the link:

AT LAST by Donna Mae Greaves

And PLEASE feel free to pass this on to EVERYBODY you know who loves a good love story!

Here's a reminder of the review received.

Happy reading!!!

My Journey There and Back...

2009-10-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

I’ve been there
Down in that murky
Grimy pit called Despair.
I’ve seen all there is
To see of that
Particular brew of
Primordial ooze
And I have struggled
To pull myself out of it.
It wasn’t easy
The miserable lethargy
The cloying nearness of sorrow
Wraps itself around
Your psyche like a warm
Inviting snuggly blanket
It held fast to every pore
It clung to the damp tendrils of my hair …
It saturated my tears
The pungent aroma of misery and sorrow
Wafts through every room
In this special corner of Hell
The god-awful yet inviting stench
That pulled me further and further in
Until I salivated for want of taste
And I ate and ate and ate
Licking dry each saucepan and skillet
Used to prepare my own six-course meal
And there I sat
Repulsed yet fascinated
That I had become
My own Sin Eater …
Magnetized by the ‘pretty’ fare
Laid out around the darkness
Of my soul
Needing to take the pain away, yet knowing better
But unable to stop feasting
Yet again at this personal banquet of
Misery, of sorrow of subjugation
And desperation.
I’ve been there
In that repellent kitchen
Where the chefs are
Mirror images of self
Where guests believe themselves
To be in the shadow realm
Yet was I sickeningly comfortable
The kind of comfort that
Is uncomfortable in its ability to
Strangely soothe
The bell tolled then
And I painfully and slowly rose
To my feet – forcing myself away
From the table
Realizing only then that
I was sated but unable to stop myself
Though stop I needed to
And so … I did
But, yes, I’ve been there
I’ve cooked in hell’s kitchen
And I know the darkness of that pit
I know the stench
Of self imposed misery and melancholy
And this is not a comprehension of which
I am proud
I have abashedly licked the pots clean
While I have navigated the quagmire
Of my feelings, and beliefs…
Look at my skin, look at my soul and
See my battle scars …
Yes
I’ve been there
But now … I’ve returned
And I am stronger for the journey…

Wishing ...

2009-10-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

Sitting still offers up the opportunity to think of you
Being silent gives me time to think about the words that have passed between us.
Dreaming gives me flashbacks of moments, of looks, of smiles … and previews of things hoped for and to come.
You are my heart, my love … you are my love, my heart…
So few are our moments together. Yes, there is time between us,
But moments – moments when I see the true essence of you – these moments when you bring the real me to the surface … moments when the lightest touch of your hand can feel like being hit by lightening ~ those moments are yet rare between us, My Love.
I dare not move, for fear of losing this sweet, short space in our time. Would that I could capture it forever and seal it in my heart for my love and I to share it again anon…
Wishing makes it all seem possible. Hoping makes it probably.
Being next to you makes it real.
My side is cold … you are not here …
Come back ~
I miss you, My Heart.

The Star That Went Nova ...

2009-10-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday morning I said goodbye to an era. I am also forced to admit now that I also said goodbye to a mentor.

Astra Da Costa wasn’t only a mentor for me; if many of the young women who worked under her tutelage are honest, they would also admit that she left many a mark on their lives. Yes, some of the marks were negative, but there were positive ones too.

I’ve always said that AMPLE was a hell of a training ground for me. I think I learnt most of what I know in that formerly beautiful white building at the corner of Grey Street and Tragarete Road (I never understood the need to paint that majestic white building Vomit Pink!)

I sat in the church on Tuesday and allowed my mind to travel back in time. I went back to meetings and conversations that I had inadvertently deemed unnecessary, and as I replayed some of these instances, I realized that in her rather indirect but direct way, (trust me, that makes sense … this is after all the woman who coined ‘hurry slowly’) Astra had left the seeds of social responsibility and the need to be a part of something bigger than self with me.

I guess – having destroyed many a draft since I began writing this – all I really want to say is Thank You Astra for sharing some of your knowledge with us, for molding us into the strong, opinionated, independent, caring, careful yet reckless women that we are today. I, for sure, have learnt to laugh at myself, to appreciate every stately curve that I own … not to mention that I have now perfected the art of power dressing!

We’ve learnt to appreciate the love of family and good friends. We have also learnt to appreciate every second of time gifted to us and allow us to joke that this is because we NEVER had any time while we labored at AMP’s … but we appreciate it nonetheless.

Rest well ADC, because you’ve earned it, and please, whatever you do, DO NOT attempt to tell God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit or St Peter how to do their jobs or how to make Heaven more efficient --- It’s JUST NOT DONE! May I suggest some time in the choir loft??? You always did say that you missed singing.

Go with God, Auntie Astra!

I NEED A PHONE ...

2009-10-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

I need a phone … not just any phone … I want a phone exactly like the one that I have. Why? Because I like my phone. What I don’t like however is the fact that my phone is falling apart as we speak.

The little non-entity that sold me my phone must really not have liked me, but that’s okay … I know why he didn’t and probably still doesn’t like me. I will however continue to stand by the statement that I made to said individual.

All I need is a Motorola Z-6 that works the way it should … that will not fall apart on me at the slightest nudge or smallest fall … I want a Z6 that is reliable, won’t drop calls, won’t leave me without a bar of service at the most inopportune times … is that too much to ask?

I need a phone – JUST like my phone but different. Different in a way that makes sense to me … different in performance, but the same in looks … ya feel me?

I want my phone to be there for me and only me … password protected or not … my phone and I must have a one-to-one kind of relationship… it must answer when I call and be there for me and me alone…

Relationship … hmmm …

Interesting choice of word … I mean I am talking about a phone after all … right???

Many of us relate to our electronic gadgets the way we relate to the people in our lives. We can’t function without them and have forgotten what life was like before them. Could it be that we just want to belong so badly that we lose our common sense as soon as the next new thing appears on the horizon?

Not me! I just want my own phone but different. That makes perfect sense doesn’t it???

It’s like wanting your old boyfriend back, exactly as he was but different. You want his big strong arms, but you don’t want his temper. You want his sexual prowess, but you can do without the jealousy. You adore his thick curly hair, but can live away from his foul mouth. You know … EXACTLY alike but different…

Me? I just want a brand spanking new Motorola Z-6, in a new colour, but JUST LIKE my current phone – just without the moodiness, the dropped calls, the falling apart … stuff like that…

It’s not like I’m askin’ for the world or somethin’ …

Sheesh!

Daydreaming & Thinking of You...

2009-10-01T13:33:00.001-07:00

I dream of the day
When I wake up in your arms
I’m thinking of the possibilities
That await us
I’m trippin’ when I think
About the love I have for you
And the love in your heart for me
I’m dreaming of our future
As we try to navigate our present
While learning lessons from the past
I dream of the love and life
Waiting for us to get to the point
Of agreeing that I’m you’re and you’re mine
I’m thinking of the times before
When we lived and loved
In times gone by – uninhibited by
Thoughts of loss and fear
Honest with each other
Fearless and fierce in our
Devotion to each other
I dream of living our lives
The way we did in leaves of old
I dream of your arms around me
And your voice whispering
In my ear that you are mine
And will be with me until
I dream of we and meditate
On what is ahead for us
My dreams and my thoughts
Collide with my reality
As I see you approach me
Smiling at me that smile
That holds a promise
Of what is to come
Of what will be
Of what is being built
So I dream ~ I dream for you and me
I dream for we
And wait for the day
When we as we
Begin to build our dreams
Together…

THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW...

2009-09-28T13:37:00.001-07:00

The night may not have been the best time you ever had. The previous day may have been the kind that makes you want to go back to bed and start over again … but in all fairness to the new day – there’s always tomorrow.

We are given the chance, with each new daybreak, to reinvent ourselves, to begin again with a clean slate. It is actually our own psyches that cause us to hold tight to the pains, hurts and disappointments of the previous day.

We supposedly keep that tight grasp as a means of ‘reflection’. It still astounds me that we never seem to reflect on the positives … on the gifts of light and love that have come our way during the 24-hour pass … only on the negatives.

We spend our nights – most of us – sifting through the sands of doubt and shame, hurt and anger, insecurity and fear, instead of saying to self and Maker that we vow to make it better tomorrow and paying tribute to the ones who have affected us in a good way.

We hoard every perceived injustice and as such we hand over our personal power to people who are in now way deserving of that privilege.

The actions of one vengeful, manipulative, sneaky and just plain malevolent human should not cause the tailspin that I have personally allowed to happen, but I did. It is my fault that I have allowed my own insecurities to cloud my joy and common sense … but allow it I did.

I now take the time to assure myself and others that there’s always tomorrow … and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Our opportunities for a clean slate are endless, yet we continue to swim in the current quagmire of choice…

The universe constantly sends us clues and reassurances, but in our chase of the illusive of yesterday we miss them.

Allow yourself the privilege of looking up and outward to tomorrow instead of holding on to and looking down at yesterday. Certainly, live in today, and live your best today. Crap happens, disappointments may very well occur, but remember that when everywhere else there are walls, magnets and nails holding you in this place of sadness and uncertainty, the sun will rise again …

Because there’s always tomorrow!

THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW...

2009-09-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

Ode to a Plague (a.k.a. Seriously? Really?)

2009-09-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

What right do you have
Saying things like that to me …
Bringing every buried insecurity
Back to the surface
Like black crude on salty sea?
Who the hell gave you permission
To unleash my salted tide of tears
You left this situation
You gave up claim
To this wonderful property
And so now it is that
Someone else sees the value
That is naturally inherent
In this yet properly harvested ground
You have decided to claim jump?
I – don’t – think – so
You see…
Due to circumstances beyond my control
I have taken up residence
On this chunk of fertile land
And I do not intend to leave it …
Nor do I share well
The opportunity to develop
What was left barren
Was yours
Yours!
In the palm of your hand
Yours!
And walk away you did
What you don’t realize
Is that this land was willed to me
Lifetimes ago
And you … you with your supposed hopes and dreams
And in actuality … you with your lies
Are nothing but a hiccup
In the game of Destiny
You are hereby dismissed
You are now officially evicted
This land, my darling, is my land
From sea to fuckin shining sea
For as far as the ‘I’ can see
And then back again
Yes, you planted a seed
And it bore a beautiful fruit
For that I am thankful
Yes you would always be connected to this land
Through that precious bud
But never assume that
Visiting that plant somehow
Erases the memory of ill use
And grants you your former leasing agreement
Because it doesn’t.
You are not now or will you ever be
Tenant at will
You will however
Fade back to the dust and darkness
From which you sprang
You who attempts to declare yourself as owner
You of the lost rights
And plans dashed
On the banks of your own insipidness
You who never understood
The gift that ownership of this fine land
Really ever meant
You who missed the joy of cultivation
Through your need to manipulate and scar
You who makes me thankful
For I have now come to the place
Where I can happily, honestly and truly
Reclaim that which is now and has always been
Mine.
And as such …
You are hereby asked to take your spite,
Your meanness, along with
The temporary key to the Pandora box
That is my insecurity
And graciously remove yourself
From my homestead.
Your presence is no longer
Desired or required.
Be gone!

Another Story done on my Release Party...

2009-09-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

This is a copy of the article as it appears today in the Trinidad Guardian. It can also be seen online at www.guardian.co.tt on page 5, Section C.

At Last— Greaves launches novel
Published: 23 Sep 2009

Novelist Donna Mae Greaves talks
about her inspiration for writing her
first book At Last during the launch
at the AV Room, Nalis in
Port-of-Spain on Saturday.
Photos: MARVIN SMITH

The title of Donna Mae Greaves’ new novel—At Last—couldn’t be more apt. With the publication of the book, her first, she has realised a cherished dream and tasted the fruit of years of labour.

The book was launched on September 12 at the Audiovisual room of Nalis on Abercromby Street in Port-of-Spain. Friends and well-wishers gathered to witness the event and offered heartfelt testimonies to Greaves’ perseverance in the accomplishment of her goal. At Last is a Caribbean romance novel. The book was published by Soul Write publishing house in Tennessee, whose founder, Marquette Carney, was on hand to celebrate the occasion.

Greaves delivered two readings from the new work, selecting excepts from the beginning and end. The story was at once engaging, eliciting “oohs” and “ahs” from the audience. After the readings, the floor was opened to questions but, instead, those who took the microphone used the opportunity to congratulate the author. Many, such as opera singer Anne Fridal and actress Evelyn Caesar-Munroe, were close friends who had shared the journey to the book’s creation, over nearly five years.

They told of being asked to read new drafts and of lending shoulders and support while the book was being written. It was obvious that they shared in Greaves’ joy and felt a real sense of pride that the novel had been published. After the readings, Greaves signed copies of the book and guests partook of savoury and sweet treats, some of which were baked by Greaves herself.

MY WONDERFUL SUPPORT SYSTEM...

2009-09-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

They are the garters to my pantyhose … the suspenders to my now too large trousers … the straps to my wonder bra … my bricks and crazy glue!

I take this time to say THANK YOU to the men and women who have held my hand through the days, nights, years of fun, laughter, tears, confusion, disgust, desperation and ultimate joy that has been the writing and publishing creative process of having my first novel ‘AT LAST’ published ‘at last’ …

Thank you to the EX-Amples & Friends; the home circle; the mamas; the aunties; the guy friends; the big brothers; THE big brother; the online community and everyone else that I may have left out…

You will never know what your love, shoulders and support have meant to me over the years.

It was a humbling experience to sit in the AV Room at NALIS on Saturday past (September 12, 2009) and listen to people talk about me in terms that I would have considered foreign to me had they said these things to me before now.

This entire experience has taught me so very much. Being new to any realm is always tough, but being new to publication and ‘author-dom’ is a learning curve that is not to be believed.

The process of shopping one’s work around is eye-opening, particularly as a Caribbean woman. The level of disrespect that is shot your way is amazing. The need for everyone to say the same thing all the time ‘well, you are an unknown Caribbean entity, and we are not sure what your audience is going to be … May we suggest that you vanity publish?”

Too much! And now having been published, I am faced with the realization that my own people could give a damn. I contacted three local booksellers regarding stocking my novel on consignment and was told that “We don’t usually take work from unknown local authors on consignment, but good luck to you…” Can a sistah get a break up in here???

One of my support folk said to me last night “Just wait till Oprah calls you … then EVERYBODY gonna want your book. Then they can all just kiss your ass!” I laughed, and was strangely comforted by the statement, because it would take a miracle for the mighty Miss Winfrey to notice my work … but one never knows.

To bookselling community in Trinidad and Tobago I just want to thank you all for your life lessons.

To everybody else, AT LAST by Donna Mae Greaves can be purchased at:
http://www.soulwritepublishing.com/BookDetails.aspx?itemid=010

Thank you darlings – I love you all and thank you in advance for your purchases at Soul Write…

Be blessed.

PARADISE GAINED ... F@#$@#KIN COMMON SENSE LOST

2009-09-08T07:00:00.000-07:00

THIS IS ACTUALLY REFERENCING STUFF ON FACEBOOK ... BUT I THOUGHT I'D SHARE...

There are times in our lives when we all take risks, go to places where we would rather not, do things that are foolhardy at the time… but the good thing is that if we are MATURE about it, we pick it up and we move along.

At a time when I wanted to do nothing but lay on my bed and curl up into a fetal ball, I sucked it up and took myself off on the now – it would seem – infamous WEEKEND IN TOBAGO WITH FUZZY DUCKS. To those of you who missed the album … too bad. To those who didn’t … then you know what I’m talking about.

This was not the weekend that I had painstakingly planned along with my partner in crime, but it was the weekend that I got, but I bit the bullet and did what needed to be done to ensure that things went as close to planned as possible.

So we soaked in the sea and we played at the pool and we drank ourselves into oblivion on that first night as well as at prescribed intervals.

It would seem that Tobago sun, alcohol and merriment has an adverse effect on a little thing called common sense in some cases. This may seem like a pointless rant to many, but trust me … there’s a point in here somewhere … you just have to know me well enough to find it. My mother always told me to MAKE SURE WHEN YOU DO WHAT YOU DO THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO AND YOU DO IT ANYWAY. I consider that to be excellent advice, particularly since one of my father’s favorite things to say was that HINDSIGHT IS 20/20 VISION.

It is always easier to see what a fuckwit you have been or anybody has been for that matter in the cold hard-ass light of day without the aid of prose-hued glasses, long after the hangover has left the building with Rolph and Ralph. But here’s the thing … even in the presence of a good time I think that it is advisable that the messages sent to the brain are COMPLETE SENTENCES and not CATCH PHRASES.

This is not Oz … it is not Fantasy Island … this is the grown ass world where, according to the Cheers theme song, EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME…

Nuff fuckin said!!!

OF PARADISE AND INTERNATIONAL REQUIREMENTS ...

2009-09-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

I spent the last 3-day weekend in Tobago with friends. It was a 4-day weekend for me; I took the Friday off. The decision was made to travel by boat so that we could take the cars. In the end, only one car made the trip but that was okay, as Friday’s travelling was split between the 10am boat and the afternoon’s 5 o’clock sailing.

Friday morning process, though a little too long was painless. The driver of the car took the tickets of the passengers and got us all checked in. We sat in the car and waited while she toed the line. She even stayed at the check in counter and waited for one of the party who was running late. When she did come back to the car we saw him coming in and sent him to the counter where they promptly sent him back to the car and was told to sit.

We waited to be allowed on to the boat and when we boarded, we followed all instructions to the seating area. As a result, apart from choppy waters, major sea sickness for some and the trip being a little longer than needed, it was a painless experience.

That was Port of Spain to Tobago.

Independence morning found us at the Port of Scarborough – the fist trip being deposited at approximately 3:15am. As expected, our return tickets specifically stated that all vehicles needed to be on the port three hours prior to sailing; walk on passengers needed to arrive two hours prior. With arrival times like 3:45 and 4:15am, we honestly believed that we were well within the prescribed times.

Those of us who were walk ons found ourselves to be the first in line, and we were prepared and excited to see the doors promptly at 6:30am.

Not so …

Having stood – yes I said STOOD – in one spot for over three hours, I was eventually forced by the pain in my back and feet to ask one of the port policemen what time the check in department planned to open its doors. “7am ma’am,” was his response. I’m sorry … 7AM???! If the boat leaves at 8:30am, why is the check in desk opening at 7am when we are all told to be there 2 hours before? Why is it that cars were only allowed on to the boat at 7:45am? Why is it that the check in desk only opened their doors at 7:15am?

The punch line came when a mother and an aunt went to the counter with their tickets and those of their charges and were told that they needed to bring the children in to the din – all of whom were under the age of 10 – never mind the sign that announced that parents could perform the check ins for their children. It was during this particular conversational exchange that i became acutely aware that the individual who opened the door was shouting at us like we were all students of the School for the Deaf. Then someone in the line softly mentioned that things were indeed different in Trinidad. Well!! Mr Megaphone Mouth then shouted all the louder that “Things aren’t different between Trinidad and Tobago, but there are international standards to be maintained and you cannot expect to come to paradise and not do what is right... you have to toe the line here in Tobago. I don’t know what you used to in Trinidad. Now keep a straight line and behave in an orderly manner!!!”

Excuse me??? What gives the Scarborough Port staff the right to speak to passengers like this? Again I am forced to hark back to my beef regarding Customer Service.

These people need to understand that the Ferry service is utilized on a daily bass by the LOCAL travelling public, not necessarily the foreigners. For the most part foreign visitors travel to Tobago by plane. Therefore, without ‘me’ there is no freakin ‘you’!!!

This entire incident takes me back to a statement I have heard one of my parents’ friends make – “ ‘Bagonians doh like Trinis”. When this was first said in my presence I laughed, because I had never come across what my mother refers to as warped racism. How in the hell could you be ‘totin’ feelins’’ re trinis when we are the same frickin country???

There has been many a joke told about the mothers of Tobagonian children and their reactions to their offspring marrying Trinis. It is said that the mother of a Tobagonian daughter is thrilled when she snags a Trini man, but it is not such a joyous thing when a ‘Gonian boy falls for a Trini girl. Double standard much???

I am yet to understand the disdain between our twin island state. There were people who were in the line screaming up, down and sideways that the port staff were acting as they did, due to the fact that it was mostly Trinis trying to get home … that they were showing off and ‘winin’ back on us. Hello??? WE ARE HOME!!! It’s one country!!! What do you need after all these blasted years to make it official – a bridge? Actually … that’s not a bad idea, and gone would be the doubt that we are indeed a TWIN ISLAND STATE.

There should be no reason in the world for me to feel more comfortable in Barbados than I do in Tobago, but that is the truth of the matter. When your own countrymen and women look at you with disdain when you speak, it can’t be a good thing. It is a feeling of wariness that permeates the soul.

Paradise? Paradise for the foreigner is what they mean … certainly not for the local. I mentioned on my way to the port that Tobago is not a little Barbados and people laughed.

I think that people need to take the time to bridge the ever widening gap between Trini and ‘Bago and to really mean it when they say TRINBAGONIANS.

As an aside, please know that I am NOT going to Tobago again by boat unless I am certain that I am a drive-on passenger, and yes ‘H’, I know that getting my license would go a long way to assuring same …

Message received ...

Vulnerability ...

2009-08-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

I’m at the point here
Where a paper cut can
Cause me to bleed to death
So exposed am I to the
Unforgiving elements that
Have been swirling
Around me in this endless night
A night heralded by day break
With the crack of thunder
And the mocking smile of lightening

The tears are free falling down
My lashes like the cascading
Fall of rain down the side of a hill
Tears of hurt, pain, anger
Annoyance, fed-up-ness, strain
Half of these tears are his
I know … the ones that he
Won’t shed, for he is supposedly
The stronger of us two

I on the other hand must be
Strong enough to shed
This watershed for two, for we
For times and schedules
Cast to the wind at the
Hand of one now banished
From his consciousness
But one who insists on
Being paid attention to
One willing to sabotage
Self in the hope of
Causing pain to he who
Is always resilient, present
And responsible

So here we stand –
Naked and open in
Our collective vulnerability
Faces swollen, eyes puffy and bloodshot
As we attempt to
Collage together the pieces of
Promises unfortunately broken
Of opportunities that are
Now scheduled to be missed
Staring in wonder
At the one far off in the
Distance … far, yes, but
Near enough for the
Rancid, mocking echo of laughter
To be heard – to ring annoyingly
In our ears and consciousness

Wondering and hoping for
New times, better circumstances
And fresher memories
Looking forward hopefully
To times when we are finally
Allowed to be vulnerable, yes –
But only to each other

Hope Springs Eternal ...

2009-08-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

Three little words that mean one thing when they are hanging out together, but taken apart, they are powerful too …

‘Hope Springs Eternal’: There is always room for improvement – don’t give up … keep at it; there’s always tomorrow.

Fantastic concept right? It’s the stuff that dreams are made of …

‘Hope’: The general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled; optimism; encouragement; expectations; wishes.

‘Spring(s)’: grows; prospers; shoots forth; bends; proceeds; results; produces; explodes.

‘Eternal’: Being without beginning or end; continuing without interruption; perpetual; forever true or changeless; timeless; ageless; continual.

To look at these words and realize that there are those amongst us who ‘forever look for the best even in the face of adversity (Alexander Pope)’ is to be a true witness to the Faith of man – to stand in the presence of man’s ability to see the best in himself and his fellow man. Awesome, isn’t it?

We use the word HOPEFUL to describe that feeling we get when it looks like the walls are closing in, yet there is a ray of light struggling to shine through the rubble.

I like the word ‘HOPEFILLED’. To me, it points to a state of being where man has no choice but to fill up on Hope in order to be the light that he has to be in his day to day encounters. To be Hopefilled is to be above the flotsam and jetsam … to be in a state of higher consciousness and connection with Higher Source … in other words, for one to be Hopefulled, one must give all over to God. If we don’t hand over everything to God, we will have no room to be filled up with Hope.

Hope cannot survive in the face of doubt, blame, anger, vengefulness or any of the other poisons that we feel the need to cling to. It is important to empty the bin.

A wise woman said to me recently that once we have emptied the bin we need to be sure to thoroughly disinfect it, so as to prevent cross-contamination. What she was actually saying to me is that once we let go of the poison, we have to ensure that the ‘container’ where hope will be stored has been spiritually and emotionally cleaned and sanitized so that when Hope enters that space, it will be free to flourish. What good would it serve for Hope to enter into our hearts and be touched by poisons which would cause her to morph into contempt?

The wonderful thing is that once Hope is allowed into our lives, she always brings her sisters: Faith and Love.

Faith is the blind sister – and we are called to walk by Faith and not by sight. This is a difficult proposition for many if not all of us. We are a race of people who rely strongly on our optic nerves and sense, forgetting that we have four other senses to rely on. We forget that we must Taste life, Smell successes, and Hear our Maker’s voice in order to Speak joy, positivity into being.

Love is the strongest and most important of the three, for without her nothing is possible. Without Love, we merely exist. Without Love there is no spark. Love is the All Spark of our existence, a la Transformers … if we are not plugged in to Love, we have self sabotaged our existence.

So …

Today I choose to walk by Faith, with my heart Hopefilled, believing in and accepting the Love that I sense all around me …

What about you?

An open letter to TSTT Workers – particularly the members of CWU …

2009-08-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

OPPRESSED???! NIGGA PLEASE!!!

I went to hang out for a little bit last night and on my return voyage I had to pass by a political rally that was taking place in my neighborhood. I was struck by the size of the crowd, the colours, the noise … but the thing that really caught my eye was the presence of a contingent from the Communications Workers Union with flags and signs. One sign just JUMPED out of the crowd at me … it read ‘TSTT WORKERS OPPRESSED’.

Did I mention that the reason that I was returning home as early as I was, was because my head felt like someone had exploded twelve Roman candles in my frontal lobe? I didn’t? well that’s why … but the sight of that sign added twenty-four more of those suckers to my pain!

Oppressed??! TSTT workers oppressed??? These fuckers have got to be kidding! TSTT workers are the HIGHEST paid landlocked workers in Trinidad and Tobago, bar none. They have the best benefits, plus allowances … programmes that include their family members, incentives and perks! What the fuck do they know about oppression? Having spoken of the good that they do have, shall I tell you about some of the other things that they have as well?

 THE WORST CUSTOMER RELATIONS RECORD IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY THE MOST ARROGANT AND – YES DAMMIT – OVERPAID CSRs
 SOME OF THE MOST INEPT TECHNICAL SUPPORT STAFF (I say some because I know some of them are very hardworking, on point and knowledgeable – holla Allie and Deon )
 THE DODGIEST ROAD STAFF – DISHONEST TO A MAN – Talk to me about the ‘test’ calls maid to foreign countries … using consumers’ lines … like we don’t hear the conversations as we walk by.

Oppressed???!

WE THE CONSUMERS are the oppressed parties here and TSTT workers are the oppressors. I happen to be one of the few members of the public who have chosen not to use any other telecommunications company for my needs. I carry a BMOBILE cell phone NOT Digicel. I use BLINK for the internet, not FLOW, GREEN DOT, INTERSERV or anyone else. I have a TSTT landline not FLOW. I am loyal to this company to a fault and yet still I am constantly being handed the shitty end of the stick. And these ever lovin’, union prodded, cattle mentality havin’ folks want to stand in PUBLIC and declare that they are OPPRESSED???

Talk to me about oppression when I call Customer Service and am assured that all is well with my account and then I am ‘delighted’ to come home to find my service disconnected, and when I call yet again, I am greeted by the cold, attitude dripping voice of ‘Heather’ who informs me in the BITCHIEST way possible that ‘the information given you previously was incorrect, so yuh need to pay up the balance to get back yuh phone!’

Maybe it is that I may have gone to school in the wrong decade, but I seem to remember being taught that Customer Service is the backbone of the service industry; the other pillar being that without the customer there is no business … without business there is no money … without money there is no salary and without salaries there are no employees. Yet I am constantly bombarded by inept, unkempt (in-house) ad ill-trained staff. And this is supposed to impress me how???

Why should I and others like me be constantly subjected to this ineptitude?

The funny thing is that this is not the fault of Management. It is rather a culture that is nurtured and fed by a people who have no pride in their jobs or their company. And why not? Because the majority of them didn’t have to work hard to get their jobs in the first place. Between nepotism, the God-Father network, and the friends of friends who knew friends who were sleeping with the right people, TSTT, Blink and BMOBILE are all staffed by people who probably never had an interview, save being asked ‘WHEN YUH COULD START?’

And you want to talk to me about oppression when a TSTT Security Guard’s salary tops out at TT$10K monthly and I am not talking Officer here either? There are children coming out of high school and walking into TSTT’s hallowed doors only to walk out at the end of the month with TT$11K take home … children who spent less time in school than my generation did, only to make more money than us…

What is your version of Oppression CWU members? No increment for a couple of years? So what? You STILL make more money than the rest of the nation. No profit sharing? So what? You STILL make more money than the rest of the nation.

WHO CARES WHO OWNS A JET? It ain’t yuh damned business!

Over the years I have had conversations with others regarding CWU members and TSTT staffers and I have come to the stark realization that most of the older heads who work at TSTT have squandered their earnings on wine, women and song and at the end of their ‘careers’ they go into panic mode because they have accomplished nothing. That’s not management’s or the consumer’s fault either. They should have gotten their houses in order long before the ‘end toll’ was rung out.

As I see it, the only oppression here is self-oppression. Think about it … the CWU’s leadership live pretty well on your union dues don’t they … but what have they REALLY done for YOU lately???

Stop whining and get up off your collective fat asses and earn your keep --- or at least TRY to look and sound like you give a flyin’ fuck about the people you serve !

Do You Really Want To Know Me?

2009-08-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

Every other day when I open up my email, I am inundated with word games or numbers games all designed to get to know my friends better. There are questions about your favorite colour, flower, foods, restaurants … questions about the places you want to see before you die and people you want to meet as well.

This is all well and good, but the only way that this really works is if the people that you are mandated to forward these lists to have the manners to return the favor. There are days when I just simply refuse to fill these things out because, (1) they can be time consuming, and (2) I feel like I’m the only dork following the instructions posted.

While some of these questions may appear on the surface to be in-depth, they really do reach for superficial information. I mean … what can you really tell about someone just because they say that they like the colour red? The funny thing is that it could be that their favorite colour on THAT DAY is red. Tomorrow, if you send them the quiz again it could be green for all we know…

It’s a scary thing to say, but it seriously feels at this time that we as a race are losing the art of making REAL friends. When was the last time that you actually stepped off the ledge and asked someone a REAL question about themselves? This doesn’t have to be a personal question, but just a genuine one … one that requires more than ten seconds of thought to fill out the required slot on the quiz sheet. Have you asked a friend or a potential friend what their goals and aspirations may be? And if you have asked, were you really interested or were you just killing time till the next buss came along.

Maybe it is that I have been spoiled over the years by the people that I have met, but it always warms my heart that quite a few of them have actually LISTENED over the years to what I was REALLY saying, and not to the white noise that hovered over my statements at times. In order to do so however, they have had to make the ultimate sacrifice … actually SPEND TIME WITH ME … and I don’t mean via messenger. Oh I know that there are times when this cannot be helped – the messenger thing --- as in the case of friendships that have been formed overseas … but forgive me here … I’m talking about the people who are around the corner from you. Have you spent time with your friends? Have you taken the time to bond with them … learn what really makes them tick?

I am very attached to the ones that I deem friends, and those who know me, also know that I love to question and chat and talk … and I can talk for hours…

There are only a few people who can truly translate me. As someone who talks as much as I do, there are times when I can have two or three topics going at one time, and while I know exactly what I’m talking about at all times, it takes a Dee-Em-Jee expert to keep up with all the balls that I usually have up in the air …

My best girlfriends can do that – Nat, Trudy, Karma, Renee and Charlzie … they get me and they know when I’ve switched over and where I’ve gone to, and they are able to follow me. Amazingly my sweet H can do that too! How is it that a man has learned to pull the strings of one of my conversations together and have them make sense is beyond me, but that is exactly what he does. Hell, there are times when I lose track and HE brings me back in line – how funny is that???!

I speak of this because it illustrates the true nature of actual friendship. These are the people who have made an effort to KNOW me … not just of me or gain knowledge of the surface me. They know ME … the crazy, scattered but organized nut that lives within this ever changing shell…

So …

While I do enjoy the occasional quiz, just because they do at times make me think … I’d much prefer to have a sit down face to face where I can look into your eyes and gauge your reactions and your actual interest in the me that is the me on the inside – in the same way that I’d like the opportunity to do the same with you.

You decide … do you really want to know me?

Surrender ...

2009-08-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

The word ‘Surrender’ is often looked upon as a ‘cuss word’; the normal connotation being that of giving up, having no fight left, not wanting to continue.

Surrender can also be a good thing. There are times when we all need to ‘give in’ – whether it is in order to achieve something or to lose or let go of something that is no longer profitable to us.

Surrender is most times a necessity in relationships, where partners have to release the status quo. It is understandably one of the most difficult decisions to make as a human – the conscious decision to release the norm … the familiar. This is usually when we begin raging against change, which ironically is the only true constant in life.

Yes it is true that Surrender means ‘to admit defeat’; it is also true that it means ‘to lay down arms’. As a race, we tend to hold tight to the idea of admitting defeat … we tend to reject the notion of surrender for fear of appearing weak, or soft or even broken in some ways.

My take on surrender is the notion of laying down arms. This means that I have CHOSEN to stop fighting. I have decided that the best option for me is to stop fighting against the change and to go into the newness with my eyes open and my heart open.

There is always a need to surrender to love … to surrender to the fact that there is someone out there who feels the same way you do and they are therefore surrendering to their own heart … their own feelings. Isn’t the prospect of MUTUAL SURRENDER a wonderful thing? To mutually surrender to the same feeling of love, companionship, kinship, passion, romance … all of those good things, must be and is a blissful experience … a soulful experience … something to be treasured.

To have chosen to stop fighting against the all consuming power of that kind of all encompassing love is to be the strongest of all … it is a mark of great strength for one to make suck a decision, particularly as we, none of us, have a clue as to what lies ahead. What a pillar of strength must you be to decide to live a life that happens one day at a time and totally unscheduled.

Give in to your ‘wild side’ and surrender to the love that is constantly knocking at your heart. Open the door – I dare you … and you will know exactly what you need to do to find the happiness that awaits you…

Rain ...

2009-07-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

It’s noon …
The sky is as black as night
And rains are pouring
It feels like a cleansing rain
The kind of rain
That floods the heart to empty the soul
The kind of rain
That falls like tears
And makes things whole.

It’s noon …
The skies have opened
And mercy is pouring down
Love is falling all around
The mist brings a
Newness to the air
All is crisp and bright
And there is hope
For dreams to be born
For visions to become clear.

It’s afternoon …
There is a rainbow
The rains have ceased
But has left wonderful
Things in its wake
Hope springs eternal
Dreams are bursting
Through the now
Fertile soil
Love is blooming
From the freshly
Watered plants of
Hearts that are
Lighter for the downpour …
The unleashing
Of the cleansing power
Of nature’s tears …

It was noon
It was raining
Now …
There is peace.

Dear Beautiful Soul ...

2009-06-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Beautiful Soul,

Why have you let yourself be bogged down with he worries of the world? What makes your eyes run with tears for the ones you’ve loved and lost? How is it that I never see you smile anymore? It feels like you’ve lost your joy and your laughter, and that, beautiful soul is a shame.

I’ve watched you slowly lose your glow, relinquish some of your sparkle.

Don’t you know beautiful one that all joy begins and ends with you? You hold the magic yourself, and the sooner you realize that, the happier you will become.

Can you not see that my outer body is but a temple built and dedicated to your radiant beauty dear soul? Without you there is no me, and I am thankful that you have deemed my mortal shell worthy of your presence.

Having been presented with our gratitude, are you still going to keep your luminosity within?

Shine forth beautiful soul so we may pay you the homage you so deserve. Warm us from within so that we too may glow with your fire of your love.

I love you my beautiful soul and I thank the Creator for you everyday.

You are uniquely mine.

TIME, LOVE AND TENDERNESS ...

2009-05-28T12:37:00.001-07:00

I realized after I named this blog that the title actually belong s to a Michael Bolton song, but that’s okay … at least I’m in brilliant company.
What I’m referring to here is the sometimes soppy way that the ones who love us worry about our welfare.

I have to travel today to get home … no riding home with ‘THE BIG H’ as my mom calls the man of my dreams, and I have been mandated to do the following:-
1. Exhaust all avenues of getting a ride home
2. If no one is available, please be careful getting to the main street
3. Careful choosing cabs and cab drivers
4. Call as soon as I get to my door

Now you would think that I have never taken public transportation before – right? Or that I’m probably 12. I love the fact that ‘H’ worries but sometimes I feel that he’s worse than Mother Hen. What did he think I did before he arrived on the scene?
Isn’t it wonderful to be treated like a precious gem? It’s like a door opened and let the light in and suddenly, there is someone who is able to see our TRUE worth.

So it is when our Heavenly Father looks at us; he worries about us because he loves us…

The sad thing is that we do not ourselves take the TIME to look at ourselves with LOVE or with TENDERNESS. The truth is that we really do not have to look very far to see ourselves in that light. We have only to look into the eyes of those who truly love us. We look so good that we sometimes doubt our own reflections.

It’s not that our Loved Ones see us as blemish free or truly pure. What it is is that they see us as we truly are – human, with quirks and foibles. The difference is that we tend to be extra hard on ourselves, and they are more than willing – in most cases – to give us the benefit of the doubt, just as we are willing to do for them.

What a wonderfully symbiotic relationship.

Take the TIME to see yourself as the precious gem that you really are. Look at yourself through eyes of LOVE for yourself and treat yourself with TENDERNESS. It’s the least that you can do for YOU.

Hollaback!

The Future Is Liquid...

2009-05-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

… and changes with every decision that we make…

It may sound strange but it actually does make sense. There is nothing about our lives in this realm that is carved in stone. Yes, the destination has been mapped out by the Master, but the journey will still be filled with twists, turns and plot changes.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you were 100% sure of the path that the path you were on was the correct one, only to be blown completely in another direction?

That’s what I mean when I say that the future, like a running river, is liquid. With every mind shift, every doubt, every affirmation and declaration that we make alone this journey, we change the pace, the players and the flow of the rhythm of our lives/futures.

We are the mapmakers of our lives, even though there are times when we need to be nudged back into place by celestial hands. The basic premise is that we are in possession of FREE WILL, and that’s what makes the difference between us and the other animals. We CHOOSE the paths that we walk; we select the peoples – for the most part – that we share our journeys with. Ours is a charmed existence, even when we don’t feel that way. We are the Chosen … the ones made in the image and likeness of our Creator … we are the creations with thought processes and common sense, even though there are times when we seriously need to wonder where the common sense has gone. It’s still there, just under-utilized.

Life is such a beautiful and priceless gift to us all; yet we find ways to make it all so difficult.

As I wrote to good friend this morning, watch the shifting tides and the waters, and you’ll see where you’re heading.

Live in the joy of the knowledge that life is a journey scripted by you but directed by your Creator…

I Hope You Dance ...

2009-05-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

Dance is often used to illustrate joy. The fluidity of movement and freedom of expression lend themselves to helping us in the celebration of all that is good in live.

There are times when the dance of joy comes easily to us; just as there are times when finding something joyful to dance about is virtually impossible for us to do, so frozen are we in our pain, sorrow, disbelief – whatever it may be…

What we need to understand is that we encounter backbeats in every aspect of out lives. Yes the music of happiness is what really captures and holds our attention, but the music of sorrow and sadness is right there as well, and while the tune may not be as sweet, or the beat a little more melancholy, we need to listen as intently and learn therefore to dance in these times as well.

This is the real challenge – to dance because of heartbreak, and in spite of it. The proof that we are indeed true dancers comes in the solos that we perform to the dirge in our hearts, to the unco-ordinated heartbeats that accompany the wholes left there when we’ve been hurt. When we choose to twirl to the throbbing in our brains left there by disappointment; only then can we truly be called dancers to life’s music.

There is a song that was made popular some years ago by Melissa Ethridge called Dance Without Sleeping that expresses what I mean in the following lyrics:

Dance without sleeping
Dance without fear
Dance without senses no message I hear
Dance without sleeping
Dance till I'm numb
Dance till I think I can overcome

The Dance of Life comes in different acts and phases, the joy, the uncertainty, the disappointment, the sorrow … all integral parts of our humanity…

I wish you the strength to hold on in the storm; the smile that radiates from a heart that’s bursting with thankfulness; the inner peace that comes from knowing that all is right with the world; and in all things…

I Hope You Dance …

When Your Heart Speaks, Take Good Notes...

2009-05-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

I sent the above affirmation to the one who holds my heart this morning and even as I was hitting the ‘send’ button, I was wondering whether we ever really listen to our inner beings.

Our hearts speak to us in so many ways, and speak in clear concise voices, yet statements are constantly made by people saying that they should have listened better when their hearts said yes, no, stop, go – whatever …

Could it be that these clear but small voices are too small, or is it that we are so surrounded by the soundtrack of modern living that we have forgotten what it it’s like to take the time to be still and focus …

Our hearts are responsible for our lifeblood’s movement throughout out bodies; therefore, our hearts receive messages from every area of our beings. It stands to reason then that our hearts would have a pretty good idea as to what it is that we’re really feeling, as well as what it is we really need and want … yet we rage against the advice offered, by the heart, to the heart, for the heart.

We need to make a conscious effort to listen; to be still and to know that we are being counseled for our own good. Should we pay attention, we would find that our existence would not necessarily be as difficult as we’ve been programmed to believe. We would find the flow of days and moments to be smoother and more agreeable.

Our hearts tend to speak only when necessary and usually in an attempt to stop us from hurting ourselves, or to point us in the right direction.

Our hearts are also the residences of our Higher Powers, and as such there in lies the intercom to our souls and Saviours. We tend to ignore these whispers as well, yet we accuse then of non-communication because we refuse to be still and just BE, in order that we receive what we need from our Source.

All we need to do when we hear that voice or we get that feeling in our inner cores is to grab our pens and take really good notes.

It’s worth the effort – I promise…

To The One Who Holds My Heart ...

2009-05-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

I love you.

I love you now like I’ve loved you for lifetimes past and yet to come.

I loved you when you were my father and I loved you when our roles were reversed and I was your husband…

There have been so many love stories between us, so many joys … so many tears, and yet we are drawn to each other lifetime after lifetime - like rainbows to the sky after the storm has passed.

I love you.

I love you even when you infuriate me wit your standoffish behaviour. I love you when you work my last nerve with your wisecracks one day and your silence on the next.

My love for you has given you the control over my personal weather patterns – you bring me my joy … can be responsible for my pain and are the catalyst for my silent contemplations. Your love for me makes me easier to be around, happier than I have been and freer to love you more.

I love you.

That’s all there is to this, and that’s all there needs to be to this…

You are my heart … you have my heart…

Always in All Ways,

Me…

We Build ...

2009-05-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

We build our dreams apart from each other
In the hopes that they will align
When we come together
We build our lives being sure to make room
In our constant evolution
For the ones who hold our hearts
We build our hopes on rainbows
That bridge the distance between
Our reality and our intent
Our truths are constructed
From the innuendo that springs
Out of the contact we have
With our perspective partners
With the people we meet and
Dare to dream that they
Would agree to be our friends
We spend our lives building
Those erector sets presented to
Us at birth – gifts from the fates
The fates being the same ones
Who delight in sometimes reeking havoc
And throwing lightening bolts at us
Knocking our tentative efforts
To the ground
We build constantly –
Our hopes, dreams, truths and aspirations
We may not always know the ultimate destination
But our search for happiness drives us
Yet further to build and build and build
We do so at a frenzied pace
Anxious to get to the point
Where we can say “That’ll do” …
But are we ever really sated
Or do we stop when we belive
We have accomplished what was fated
We build each other up
And break each other down
We build for hope and glory
We build for love and comfort
We build with each other … we build for each other
We dream and we build and we search until
We come upon the one…
That one who we were searching for
The ‘You’ in our ‘You and Me’ … the ‘Them’ in our ‘We’
The one who causes us to build in
The hope of finding the missing brick
The lost puzzle piece
The one who holds our balance
The music to our dance
The dance we dance as we build our
Castles in the Air…

Astral Connections...

2009-05-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

In that wonderful place between slumber and consciousness

In that magical midnight witching hour

Your spirit finds mine and awakens me

To the wondrous delight of your astral ministrations

With fervor and heat and an urgency sweet

You arouse the dormant needs that flow through me

The want that inflames me the desire that moves me

And you feed me with the good, sweet

And intoxicating things that only your aura brings

You capture me with arms made of gossamer

And kiss me with lips made of mist

Everything about you feels so solid and true and strong

But you’re not really there

I am surrounded by your essence

The truest sense of your being

Yet physical vision causes your image to flee

I see you trough astral eyes

Through the vision of

A woman in love with her man

A woman at ease with going with this particular flow

One who is being made love to in the highest form of adoration

With the sweetest tenderness on that soft, silk wrapped cloud

Known as Astral Splendor

Our spirits meet … part and meet again

Our coming together a moment of mutual pleasure

In a place where time has no value

Soul to soul, yet skin to skin

We love on a plane where you penetrate

Not only my willing body but you make love to my

Ever expanding mind

My open surrender to you is matched

Only by your willing acceptance of me

And vice versa

Together we explore the many levels of astral pleasure laid out before us

Over and over and over again until our spirits can do no more

But explode into faceted crystal pieces falling gently to the earth like rain

As we disconnect from the silver cord that held us in place

As we loved the night away

In that secret place known only to you and me

On the Astral Plane …

The Story of My Life...

2009-04-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trying to write my own story
But I’m finding it hard to do right now
‘Cuz I’m finding it difficult to write my story
Without your presence
I can’t remember what it was like before you
And I don’t think I want to
You have permeated every corner of my life
Your aura lingers long after you’re gone
When you’re here time flies
When you’re gone it stretches on and on

Write my life story without you?
Why would I even try
It’s clichéd I know
But you are a part of me
You are a part of my smile
You contribute to my joy
Your smile brings me laughter
And your hurt leaves me tears

Write my story without you?
I’m not even sure that
I could live my life without you
I miss you as soon as
You’re apart from me
And I anticipate your arrival
Like a child awaiting a treat
Silly, isn’t it?

I do wonder sometimes
Can you write your story without me?
Could you go a day without me?
Do you wonder about me when
I’m away from you
Does my absence leave a hole in your chest?
The way your absence leaves me bereft?

There are days when I’m given a
Peek into the window of your soul
And there are times when
I believe I can see my reflection there
And then … as swiftly as it appears
The portal is shut and I’m left again
To wonder like Alice

Whatever the reason or season
I am thankful for the footprints
That you’ve left on my heart
For the moment that you were
Gifted to me
All those lifetimes ago
And I am blessed in the knowledge
That your heart has found me
Yet again

May I suggest
That we write our stories together
One more time …

INTENTIONS ...

2009-03-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

I had every intention
Of telling you what’s been
Floating around my heart –
The way my stomach
Double dips every time
I think about you

I had every intention
Of confessing my desire
To let my fingers
Do the walking all over
Your smooth, honey-toned body
As I explore the ridges
Hills, valleys and planes
Of your landscape

My truest intention
Was to let you know
That I desire more than
Want you, like I desire
Air and water for life
I say desire because
A want manifests a lack
And there is no lack here
Just a desire for more and more

My body intends
To warm itself in
The fire of your presence
Just as my soul
Intends to bond with yours
And find solace in the
Knowledge that we are as one

I have every intention
Of making my intentions known
I intend to bring them
To reality
‘Cuz I believe that your
Intentions match mine
So
Are you ever going to
Verbalize those intentions of yours?

Lost...

2009-03-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Standing on the sand, gray with the mood of the evening, gray with the knowledge in my soul ... I am lost...

Watching the waters turn red with the glow of the dying sun, red with the love that pours out of me ... I am lost...

The sound of happiness bubbling all around me mocks the dire straights of my being ... taunts the sorrow and annoyance that threatens to creep up my legs , clawing at me from deep within the sand under my feet...

I hate this feeling ... I can't stand that I must stand here and be this way...

I hate the feeling of helplessness ... I detest the knowledge that you're making yourself this way and dragging me along in the process...

Stop it! Get over it!

Shouting at you from the other end of this beach of sadness and annoyance, my voice lost in the wind ... LISTEN TO ME... HEAR ME ... I know you're not deaf...

There you are ...standing cat-a-corner ... instead of facing me like you should... look at me ... look to me ...turn your back on yesterday and stand in today, so that i can face you tomorrow...

I'll stand here, but I'm not so sure how long I'll be here - at least not alone ...

But we can actually be here forever or choose to walk away ...

if you dare yourself to turn...

Heart Ramblings Too ...

2009-02-17T05:29:00.000-08:00

My heartstrings are tuned

To your tone now

You call to my heart

And you answer me

When I summon you

There is no need for words

Between us – not anymore –

Your beautiful mind

Harkens to mine…

My heart explodes

Like so many

Roman candles

As it comes to grips

With the pain truth

And the truth is

That I am humbled

By the depth of

Your love for me

I am blessed that

You chose to bless me

I am thankful

That we are here

In this time

In this place

Together … as we

Have been in lifetimes past

And grateful that we’ve

Found each other yet again

Through the mists of time …

So long have we

Waited to one again

Connect as one – as we …

So long have we

Searched for each other

So that we can once again

Say to each other

“I love you

those three words

have my life in them”…

Heart Ramblings...

2009-02-10T07:03:00.000-08:00

I miss you
I miss your spirit
And your smile
I miss your warmth
And how it envelopes me
I miss the security
That your solidness brings …
I miss you.

I have no one to chat with
No one to eat with
No one to be silent with
No one to just BE with…
I miss you.

What are you up to…
What have you done…
Have you even thought
About me and just how much
I miss you?

I miss you
And in missing you
I have learned something about me …
Your presence is dear to me
Because I like you
I miss your smiling face
Because I care for you
The absence of your aura
Around me leaves me cold
Because I love you.

I miss you …

25 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME ...

2009-01-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

So I've been tagged by the infamous Slacker-man ... fine!

Having been previously tagged on another blog, I would submit my list and go five (5) more than His Royal Slackness... here goes...

1. My father named the steelband Starlift and was the manager for years - and I cannot play the pan.

2. I am the resident idiot savant of ridiculous trivia for my graduating year at secondary school.

3. I love baking and that's how my company - Decadence - was born.

4. My mother heard me cry in the womb.

5. I have at times given up my own identity to please the grown up boy children (a.k.a. men) who have shared my emotional space - sad ain't it?

6. My middle name is Hazel after TV personality Hazel Ward.

7. I fell in love with being in love and finally learned the difference at 41...

8. I found out that there was no Santa Claus when a brain dead radio host spilled the beans...

9. I believe that chocolate is theGod's gift to PMS-ing women!!!

10. I have survived an attempted date rape.

11. I really do want world peace...

12. When I was a little girl I wanted to grow up to marry my cousin Roderick

13. I think I was an Indian in another life - I love curry and all things flour based.

14. I love home made gifts, especially food and desserts.

15. The women who know me best are my other, Gertrude, Natalie, Allana, Karma Renee.

16. I am a cuddle monster ... closeness is important to me.

17. Writing grounds me and keeps me sane.

18. I have a couple of online friends who are closer to me than some of the ones under my nose.

19. Unemployment, weddings, births and deaths show you who your TRUE FRIENDS are.

20. I am the Team Leader of my Church choir.

21. My name - Donna Mae - means Mary our Lady

22. The very thought of HIM makes my heart sing.

23. It too me a while but I finally learned that I am worthy of Love.

24. I was born with a bright pink fingertip on my right middle finger and my Auntie Jay predicted that I would be creative. (Thanks auntie)

25. I am a Psychic Empath.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BE FED UP???!

2009-01-18T20:04:00.000-08:00

I have always professed that there is a thin line between being a Christian and being stupid, and for the most part I have stayed on the right side of that line, choosing to be a fool only for God.

I have now discovered another line. This is the one between being understanding and fed up, and it is becoming apparent that the tip of my shoe is firmly on that line and sliding slowly into FED-UP-NESS.

As the leader of a ministry at my church I have heard and seen it all. The thing is that I have been involved with this ministry for over half of my life, save two years when I wanted nothing to do with anything remotely Catholic – so we are looking at approximately twenty-four years of service.

I sometimes wonder if I am some sort of mutant being because I tend to put this service before other things whether I am leader or not. I don’t attend most functions – family or otherwise – if they are set on Sundays. I try to be back from the inevitable meeting or brunch in time to be rested and refreshed for 5pm when I am due to be at the church. It is rare that an ailment keeps me from where I need to be.

I’m not saying this in an attempt to make myself look better than anyone else – far from it because believe you me I ain’t no saint. I am saying this however in an attempt to somehow understand the behavioral patterns of some of the members of my ministry who seem to have no problem putting everything and everyone else before the commitment that they have VOLUNTARILY made, and why is it that they have a hard time understanding that I am pissed off at the end of the day when I have no musicians or voices.

Hence my question – WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BE FED UP??

Is it okay when I have people calling me at the 99.9th hour to tell me that they are stuck in the ‘back of beyond’ with no ride in site? Did they ever intend to be present in the first place?

Is it okay when I get to the church and I decide to call people to inquire as to their whereabouts and I am then nonchalantly told “Oh – sorry – ah cyah make it”?

Is it okay when I am pulled on the carpet and rakes over the coals by priest and parishioner alike about the inconsistencies of my ministry and what do I intend to do about it as LEADER?

Is it that I must be long suffering because I am the leader? Do I smile and grin outwardly when inside I am boiling?

When am I allowed to honestly express my lack of enthusiasm with a group that seems to function at their convenience and not as prescribed?

Is it okay to say that I currently lead a phantom group of ever disappearing members?

How do I make my feelings known to a people whoa re never around? Is it that I need to email them?

Why is it that someone always has to be called before they can say that they will not be there?

What happened to the commitment to serve? Is it that it expires after a certain number of years?

I remember a few years ago I made the statement that I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted with church life, but I’m still here.

Well … multiply that first feeling by 100 and see and feel how I do at this point, particularly when I feel like I am standing alone in the wilderness with no support from the people that I supposedly lead.

I know that we are now grown and that commitments will change with age and status, as well as the advent of additional responsibilities, but have we not one measly hour to spend with the Lord?

Sigh…

WHERE'S THE FINESSE???

2009-01-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

WHERE’S THE FINESSE?

I had a conversation this morning with one of me home girls. We were actually bemoaning the generation that followed us into the world, and after a while I smiled and then giggled to myself as it dawned on me that I – we in fact – had become all the things that we vowed not to … the kind of people who compared our generation to the next.

I do believe that this particular comparison was however warranted.

We were discussing the lack of finesse in the generation after. The finesse I refer to has to do with the relationship tip of life. What has happened to flirting, coquettish batting of eyelashes, side-long glances, suggestive smiles and witty banter and repartee?

Has anyone else noticed that everything sexual, relationship based or even vaguely suggestive is just ‘out there’? Where and when did it change?

I remember the days – God I sound old – when a fella had to guess and do some serious math to know what a particular look from a woman meant or what the touch of her hand meant or even a word or sentence. He had to do the research … ask friends … talk to other females … whatever was needed in order for him to be sure that he wasn’t misreading the signals. And it was the same for us girls at times, although our male counterparts were not and – sorry fellas – still are not as ‘poetic’ as we girls were and are. I mean come on … do any of the young men today have a clue about double entendre and good old fashion punning? Are they no longer paying attention to the men who started it all – James Bond and The Saint?

Conversations from a few years ago went like this

Male: hey beautiful

Female (if responsive): well aren’t you sweet

Male: you have no idea

Female: oh really now … how sweet

Male: I could give you cavities

(poor line we know, but a responsive female would lap this shit up)

Female: good thing I know a good dentist … (here’s where the shifting of position takes place, in order to let the man know that she’s interested, but not so drastic a shift as to give the shit away…)

Male: you have beautiful eyes

Female: thanks … (here comes the fluttering of the eyelashes all of a sudden … the poor man is besotted)

Male: can I buy you a drink?

Female (to continue the mystery): maybe another time

She make then get up and touch his arm as she walks away, just to make contact, ad the poor besotted fool is left there to stare after her or begin questioning the other men there as to who she is and where she can be found again. That is what mystery is all about…

Here’s what that same convo sounds like today

Male: hey

Female: hey

Male: wanna fuck?

Female: sure

Male: my place

Female: no mine – I have waffles…

I mean… come the hell on!

What’s left people??! I yearn for the days of mystery in relationships. I would love to see people actually date instead of just hooking up and being used up.

I long to see young people holding hands and stealing kisses instead of dressing like street walkers and acting like whores on corners – male and female.

I know that this may sound bitter but it’s not bitterness … it’s sadness really… it’s a mourning for the days of gentile behaviour and true love – the kind of love that grew from TAKING THE TIME TO KNOW EACH OTHER…

Where did it all go? Can anybody tell me?

Holla back…

ELEVATE YOUR MIND AND FREE YOUR SOUL IN THE NEW YEAR…

2008-12-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

As we approach the end of another year, we are once again faced with the challenge of preparing for what lies ahead.

Many of us have made life-changing decisions over the past twelve months – some easily and others that required a lot of soul searching and prayer; even counseling in some cases. There are those of us who have continued to exist and not live, as well as the others who have lived so hard that they are now unsure as to what the next move may be.

The 31st of December in every year can sometimes rain dread into the hearts of some of us mortals because this it usually the time when we promise ourselves and others the moon and the stars in the realm of self modification … we are apt to generate a list of lofty ‘pie-in-the-sky’ ideals and projects, that we know we are not going to attempt. Some of us know this even as we set about writing said lists down.

Last year I made the statement that I was going to make revolutions and not resolutions, and I was able to start a couple revolutions in my life and in the lives of a few that are near and dear to me.

This year I want to make a suggestion for those of us who have finally decided that we are ready to free ourselves of our baggage.

This is an exercise called THE FIRE OF FORGETFULNESS. The premise behind it is that all of the things that you would want to leave behind – bad habits, old lovers, deadweight friendships, former coworkers and bosses – whatever it is that may be eating at your core, you cast into the flames and release them forever. It may be a barbeque pit, a coal-pot, a fireplace … whatever it is that you can get your hands on; make your list as honestly as you can and then after asking your Higher Source and Power for the strength to leave all these things behind, you cast the list into the Fire of Forgetfulness and attempt to begin the year afresh and renewed, knowing that you have put all that may have ailed you, rubbed your spirit raw or even affected the way that you interacted with the ones you love has been cast into the flames of love and renewal.

I would go on to suggest that this be done on New Year’s Eve at some point. Those of us who are able to complete this at midnight should do so … if it has to be done in the day then so be it, but just get it done!

Finally I wish all of you all the best for the coming New Year. I wish you all of your heart’s desires, as well as all that the Master may have planned for you.

Be blessed my loves…

SAYING GOODBYE IS NEVER EASY … BUT SOMETIMES IT’S NECESSARY…

2008-12-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

Things have changed in my life --- I’ve made some major decisions and I chose the fork in the road that I wish to follow …

The interesting thing is that I’ve changed my status and all of a sudden, there are people yelling at me from all points of the globe that I must be crazy. “Say it ain’t so!” yelled one friend; “Explain!” shouted another. One of them even accused the system of making the change – it certainly could not have been me…

It’s all amusing I think, and touching as well. I never realized how many people counted on my relationship lasting the way THEY wanted it to. Truth be known I was one of them, but circumstances have conspired to make sure that things went otherwise.

It must be hard for so many of my friends to understand why I have made this decision, just the way that it was easy for others to get it as well. I reflect now on the conversations that I have had over the past week with certain members of my inner sanctum, and I am amazed at the responses that I received form some people. I have since been told by a few choice members that they were just waiting for me to get to this point of realization and revelation.

The process has not been an easy one … I have cried and yelled and meditated and worried and even guilted myself at times, and that’s fine too.

Many have wondered what my reasons are for this change, for this shift of the status quo, and it is relatively simple… I refuse to allow myself to be treated as an option and not a priority in the life of the man who is supposed to cherish my heart.
I refuse to allow former pain and insecurity to dictate the pace of my relationship.
I can no longer stand by and wait until the man who declares love for me finally decides that he is prepared to move forward, while I stand in tide waters which constantly rise due to my feet being cemented into the shores of stasis.

This was no easy decision making process. This has been my perceived happiness for over four years. The fortunate or unfortunate thing depending on your point of view is that four years can be broken down and dissected in four weeks, four days, even four hours whenever change must be made.

I finally realized that I have allowed myself to accept the half measures that were meted out to me and considered myself ‘pseudo-happy’ in the process. So comfortable was I in my perceived bliss that I convinced myself that this life of lack was my assigned lot. Should this be so, then I have now changed my assignment.

I deserve more than the scraps from any man’s emotional table. I deserve to be treated like the precious soul and woman that I am. I deserve more than lip service and dammit I deserve the position of FIRST in the life of the man who holds my heart … in the same way that I give of myself, I expect like treatment in return.

So …

The door to yesterday has been firmly shut, and yes there is a part of me that will always love him and what he represented for me. The door to tomorrow has been opened and it is time for me to walk through … and that I intend to do joyously.
Your choice if you come with me or no … I hope you do but if you don’t then …

Adieu…

Realization...

2008-12-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

I have given myself permission
To write the way I want to …
I am my own being
Capable of seeing life
In my own quirky way

I have freed myself
To be the individual
That I am
The time has come for me
To let go and to be
True to self

Liberty is mine
In things of the heart
My heart is mine to give
To whomever I choose
Trust is required – win or lose
And I am the only one
Who can make this particular journey

There are things that I must do
And I cannot do them when
Shackled to an idea or a
Dream that is now lost
There arte tears that I must shed
In order to clear away the
Dust and mayhem of an era now closed
There is pain that must be felt
So that the coming joy may be embraced
New horizons that must be faced
So that the newer and freer and
More evolved me may walk
Through shinier doors
And on mirrored floors
That repeat my image as I go
Let the world know
That I am ready and
Finally in tune with the
Frequency of me

Yes I constantly evolve
But now I know that
My life does not revolve
Around the flotsam
My life is a gift from
My higher Source
As such I must assure
That it is not lost
To nay-sayers, hurtful people
And others who minimize my worth

Therefore I now surround my soul
With people of Strength, of Faith
Of Trust, of Understanding, of Life
I let go of Strife
And join with the fates
To enjoy what dreams may come…

Trinie Is a Loving Ole' Goat :-)

2008-12-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Lets101 Quizzes - online fun quiz

Chasing Pavements ...

2008-12-08T10:05:00.000-08:00

Chasing Pavements - Adele

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Waiting as my heart drops,
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

How many of us are chasing pavements in our relationships? Many of us are marking time for various reasons – some of which make sense and some of which simply do not hold water. The sad this is that the strainer holders are in the majority.

I was fascinated by this song before I knew the lyrics – the title drew me in.

Why do we chase pavements?

Some of us chase because it’s safe … it’s like being in a relationship with no real commitment. We chase, we bitch, we whine, but at the end of the day when it’s time to close the deal – we bail, as clearly stated in the line ‘EVEN IF IT LEADS NOWHERE’. Another part of the ‘safeness’ of chasing is the unwillingness to admit to change or evolution. We cling to the familiar for fear that the unknown will destroy us or somehow weaken us. It’s hard to let go of what has represented security for us for so long, so we chase.

There are others of us who chase specifically for the CHASE. We get into it for the thrill of the chase – ‘OR WOULD IT BE A WASTE EVEN IF I KNEW MY PLACE…’ It’s about the thrill of victory here, but the collateral loss is that too often the CHASED are deserted upon completion.

Whatever our reasons, we are all at some point of our lives Chasing Pavements – we are either in the process of chasing, being chased or approaching Nowhere fast.

What helps the situation? Honesty – ‘IF I TELL THE WORLD, I COULDN’T SAY ENOUGH CUZ IT WAS NOT SAID TO YOU …’ We need to be open and vulnerable enough with each other to ensure that the Chase does in fact lead SOMEWHERE.

Be blessed…

Looking Into Self, And Loving What We See...

2008-12-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

There seems to be some sort of disconnect in our wiring when it comes to accepting and loving ourselves.

The years have taught me that many of us are so uncomfortable with our true selves that we go out of our way to become what the ‘world’ wants us to be. We bend ourselves into pretzels in order to please the people that we consider important to us. What is sad is that there are times when the people we consider important to us, are not the ones who really are.

Have you ever stood before a mirror and looked yourself in the eye? Did you like what you saw? Were your even able to in the first place? Looking oneself in the eye is one of the most difficult exercises, because the one person that we cannot lie to is ourselves.

For years, we have been taught that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, this fact comes shockingly home when we look ourselves in the eye. Our true persona can be seen peeking out from behind our irises. This is the place where all our self loathing, insecurities and doubt reside. This is the place where our hearts break and mend, the place where we store all of the negative self talk and other talk. This is also the place where we keep the negatives that others have sent our way.

Unless we make a conscious decision to let go of the un-pretty, useless and damaging gunk that clogs our souls and dims our inner light, we would continue to be incapable of seeing out true selves, and the first step in seeing we as we is to look ourselves in the eye. No, I’m not crazy … there is something to be said for the ability to look into a mirror and to make eye contact with ourselves, prepared to face whatever looks back at us and willing to accept ourselves with all the flaws, dings and scars of the day to day grind known as life.

Until we make that self-acceptance journey, we will remain unable to become self aware. Self awareness is the point at which we take stock of the good and the bad, and make the decisions that are necessary to move on from here.

Loving yourself is not as complicated as we have been taught that it must be. Loving yourself begins with the conscious decision to love you. It continues with the mindset of acceptance and awareness, and it grows with the knowledge that our inner selves are so much more important than our outer shells which were only given so as to not blind each other with the glow that would emanate from our glorious souls.

Be Blessed…

Blessed Be...

2008-12-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

I am new to this system, so I'm taking this opportunity to introduce myself...

The persona you will find here is just another part of my whole. So, I am Trinitee - Trini to most. I have a love for the written and spoken word, as well as things metaphysical and mysterious.

I write in order that I may attempt to make sense of some of the things that confuse me at times...

Some of what I say you may enjoy, some of it may annoy. I make no apologies for what I will commit to 'paper' here.

I ask that you allow my soul to fly and to respect that flight, even if you don't agree with my flight plan...

Merry part...