AGAIN WITH THE PEN…(Dismantling the Dream and Selling it off as parts)

So I’ve been attempting to sit quietly by and observe. Why? Because I have been accused of super-imposing my politic on to what has been happening under the new regime. As a result, I put my pen to bed, folded my arms and put my finger on my lips.

Well …

To quote one of my very best friends, I think I’m in need of duct tape now because my finger can no longer hold it all in. There’s so much that I don’t know where to go … where to begin …

PM1

Seriously??? The official vehicle of the Prime Minister – PM1 – is now being called Puke Mobile 1??! Our leader is now publicly known for a constant flow of ‘flu-like’ symptoms – particularly vomiting - and IN THE CAR???! We are constantly being told that the PM is unwell. What – does she not trust the goodly medical systems at our health facilities, such as they are under HER regime and the certifiably batty Minister of Health? Well there’s always the private institutions … but then someone might actually say what it really is that’s being treated – ALCOHOL POISONING – and not the flu. How am I supposed to relax into a state of calm when the Prime Minister is constantly off in La-La (hic) Land getting her friggin jollies while the country is on auto-pilot??!

SECURITY! RIGHT …

So paranoia has been added to the mix. Rumor has it that ALL of the security cameras installed have been or are in the process of being removed because the goodly leader doesn’t want anyone to know about the goings on at the Palace – the same Palace that ‘they’ didn’t want to occupy. Right…

How insipid does one have to be before the realization dawns that no cameras mean no security? Humans can only do so much and things are not like they used to be back in the day; but then again, if you’re dealing with all things illicit then I guess you don’t want a tale of the tape…

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FO RME LATELY??!

It’s been nine months – the gestation period for a human child – and NOTHING has been done. Anything that has reached any sense of completion or continuation was already in the pipeline pre-PP. The order of the day thus far is searching ancient files for ancient papers in an attempt to ‘expose’ the ills of the past regime. We don’t fuckin’ care! Unfortunately your asses were elected to lead this country not to RUN IT AGROUND.

NEWSFLASH: We’re tired, we’re fed up and some of us … like, say, ME – knew you didn’t have what it took to run this place. Face it; you NEVER believed that you would win! This was a bigger shock to you than it was to most of us, and as a result you had and still have NO PLAN OF ACTION, save divvying up the spoils between the upper echelon of your hideously corrupt and twisted band of thieves!

JACK OF ALL TRADES…

And master of fuckin’ none! He serves no blasted purpose … acts like HE’s in charge of the government and country … runs roughshod over anyone who opposes his views and rules … sold his soul to a murti in order to get to where he seriously thinks he is. No wonder his Justice Joker had to refer to him as the People’s Deputy Prime Minister. Your own ministry isn’t enough for you – you need to have a finger in every pie. What is it – don’t you think that others can do their jobs or is it that you’re bored? Inquiring minds wanna know. You’re always talking about right and truth and justice and honesty, but FIFA is investigating your ass for MASSIVE THEFT. See anything wrong here? Can you spell I-R-O-N-Y boys and girls??? If you stay in your own blasted lane then maybe … just maybe … others may be able to drive.

LIMBO, LIMBO LIKE ME!

So here we sit … a country in limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop. There have been prophesies of earthquakes, but I respectfully submit that the rumblings are not in the earth, but among the people, because the PP made promises to a lot of people behind many a closed door and now that they’ve been delivered via vote into the perceived promised land, they need to pay the piper and don’t have a clue as to how to start delivering.

In all honesty I worry more about insurrection than I do about natural disasters. I believe in emergency planning – canned goods, candles, bottled water and batteries, but it’s not about storm clouds above, but about the raging storm in the hearts and bellies of the people.

Pay up, put up and shut up – that’s all there is to it. Give what you promised and do so in a timely fashion and without bellyaching. As it stands … I really don’t see you lasting much longer than two years…

I will continue to watch and wait. I will continue to form my opinions. The sad thing is that I am tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt because there has been no benefit for me.

The Pen stops here … UNTIL.

IT'S IN THE JEANS ...

So I’ve been spilling my beans all over the place and talking about my journey down the often perilous but never boring road called WEIGHT LOSS.

It’s been no picnic, nor has it been a party, and if it was one, then I missed the invitation … but it has been a lesson in patience, stamina and gratitude,

It’s taken me more time than most people because of things like fear, hesitation and yes, even some neglect of self, but I am getting there … I’m plodding along…

RIGHT!!!

So that was my disclaimer … but I do have news to share – or should I say SHOW.

The photos that appear below, tell a story – the story of my waistline, my hips, my thighs, my legs!

Yes folks! I have gone from a size 26 pair of jeans to a Size 14 Tall!

And all I can say is THANK YOU GOD … THANK YOU LEE … THANK YOU EVERYBODY!!!













I’m not done yet … so please don’t leave me … I need your strength to continue this journey… so as always, journey with me.

The Changeling…

THREE LITTLE WORDS...

Yeah I know you were expecting “I love you”, but I have come across three words that pertain to me --- and right now they hold more power.

You see … these words are very much alike yet they are extremely different –

DEER, DEAR, DARE…

Confused much? Don’t be …

DEER

I’ve been, I sadly confess, a deer caught in headlights – waiting to be rescued by someone who would tell me that I didn’t need to say anything … that they understood and heard what was in my heart. I’ve stood in those headlights, longing for the arrival of my supposed Knight in shining armour, who would step out from behind those bright as hell headlights and scoop me up into his strong and competent arms from the path of the oncoming ‘chariot’ and save me from all impending danger. Unfortunately it never happened … the knight didn’t arrive, at least not in time – and invariably I was left to languish under the bus, wallowing in unrequited love, hurt, disappointment, anger and sadness. The ones that I kept near and dear before didn’t hold me in such high esteem. They preferred what they preferred and usually it was someone who they declared to be toxic and unworthy of their love and my worry. The truth is that they declared this so many times that their speeches usually ended up being read by the Universe as declarations of love and passion.

Having seen the cold hard light of dawn, I would be the one to detach and free them to languish in their self imposed toxicity while I licked my wounds … silently – yet again – wondering why it is they couldn’t see what I couldn’t say … all because no one held me …

DEAR

Oh to be dear to someone … that’s really all I’ve wanted – to be held in high and precious regard … to be the one whom others are willing to tilt at windmills for, and to feel moved to do the same.

To be dear is to be precious … to be thought of as special, worth fighting for, even if it means fighting with self. Holding someone dear makes us dear ourselves. Just as our dear ones glow, so do we … as they smile, so do we … it’s a wonderfully symbiotic relationship. Being held dear allows us permission to …

DARE

Dare to be different … dare to step out of the headlights … dare to speak out and into your own life. We dare to say all of the things that we’ve been storing up inside while we stood in those infamous headlights. We dare to be true to self and to the ones we hold dear. Finally we get to the point where nothing short of a watershed moment would give life to all that we have wanted so desperately to speak into being … to give life to.

So basically …
I was a deer until someone held me dear and as a result I now dare to be all the things that others believed that I could be – even when I didn’t – and all the things that I knew were locked deep inside but didn’t dare be.

I am changing, journey with me … I am a work in progress, but what progress I have made … all because I have now taken the time to dare …

Today I dare to fall through my fears because unless I do, I will never know what waits for me, and I will never sprout the appropriate wings that I will need for this flight…

HIS EYES ...

I looked into his eyes
And I got lost …
Happily lost in their depths
Lost in the restful pools
That allow him access to my soul
He can see into me with those eyes
And he doesn’t even have to try
I can see myself in his eyes too
I watch, fascinated, as I fall
Deeper and deeper into his eyes
Deeper and deeper into him

He holds my gaze
And keeps my attention
In such a way that
I forget who may have
Squatted here before
Happily lost am I in
The cool assurance of his stare
Warmed by the dark lava like
Center orbs that into me see
I feel the heat on my face
As we silently explore our new intimacy

He pulls me in with
Those tractor beams
I’m swimming … going
Further than I need to but
Who cares…
I want to be need to him
To be totally mesmerized
By the cool heat
Of his eyes…

16 DIFFERENT WAYS TO SUNDAY ...

So here it is, I’m at the start again, and trying to make sense of this crazy lil thing hat shall remain nameless.

I know that people believe that they are being helpful. I know that they think that wisdom is the thing that I crave. What they don’t get is that the thing I need most is CONSISTENCY… and I need it in all things, particularly in things concerning MY HEART.

I’m constantly being told to turn myself around – as in reinvent myself. Everyone knows PRECISELY what’s right for me, and it’s all conflicting.

Be forthcoming … be mysterious; tell him what’s on your mind … don’t say anything; be shy … be bold…

WTF??! There’s only one of me; yet everyone is trying to break me into tiny little pieces. Am I really that naïve? Is it that the life I’ve led in the past forty-odd years has really left me so cloistered and unprepared for the world?

I don’t think that I’m seeking the impossible, and I don’t believe that I’m being unreasonable. I require very little to keep me happy … I want respect, trust, love, affection, honesty … consistency. I could demand these things, but I don’t. I TRUST that the man who wants to be with me will willingly give these things and give them abundantly.

It is still amazing for me to have to realize that as a WOMAN, I’m the one who has to bend myself 16 different ways to Sunday to please the male of the species. Question is, who is bending himself into knots and twists just to keep me happy? And is he going to do so willingly and be patient while I figure out what it is I really need?

Should you be strolling through town and you find one or more of these gems, would you kindly send him way? The fact is that I have found one of them … he just doesn’t know how wonderful he Is as yet … but he will! (Wink, wink)

BE FREE … FREE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT YOUR HAPPINESS.

It’s the strangest thing but I’ve just discovered – well not really JUST – but discovered nonetheless that we are sometimes so chained to the idea of being melancholy that we can actually fear our awaiting happiness.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun, and I know that someone else has already had the particular AHA! Moment, yet it is quite amazing to me that so many of us live in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

A prime example is my relationship record. I don’t love easily, but when I do love I love hard. As a result I have sat idly by and watched myself get taken advantage of, all in the name of L-O-V-E. There have been a couple of instances when I have overextended myself and taken the stories given to me to heart in order for me to give and give and give of my best, while I received crumbs in return. Nevertheless I pressed forward, sure and assured that the love was there and it would grow.

As we say in local parlance – SALT! That is what I was presented with in the end … salt. Recently, I took myself out of a particular equation and finally admitted that I was constantly being sucker punched. Therefore the decision was finally and clearly made that I needed to save ME. The one who was constantly showered with my affection, effort, understanding, absolution … this same one who gave nothing but fragments in return, has been set free to sit in his proverbial pile of filth … toxic baby mama and all … thereby freeing me to explore the other options that were being presented to me.

This is where it gets interesting. Not only was I being shown another way to be with and around a grown man who behaves like one and was and is showing me the interest and affection that one should expect, here I was … waiting for the other shoe to drop. I find myself looking for and hoping to find phantoms that would give justification to the way that I felt. There had to be something wrong hidden somewhere and I was going to find it dammit!

The sad thing is that I spent so much time looking for what wasn’t there that I almost missed the boat completely. That’s when it dawned that I needed to free myself from all of the paraphernalia of the past and allow myself to be free enough to accept my happiness and everything that goes with it.

It sounds like an insurmountable task … it also sound like some sort of twisted chicken soup for the soul, but it isn’t. The key to this freedom is knowing that as a child of the Most High, happiness is a given. Worry is a learnt habit. We’re not born to worry, but we gain the knowledge from those around us. Worry is particularly fascinating for the female of the species, but I digress.

Give yourself permission to laugh and smile and enjoy things genuinely.

The good things are all pre-ordained. The nasty little surprises along the way are the things that we manifest via worry, doubt and distrust.

Bless UP!

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION??? YOU BETCHA YEAH!!!

TIS THE SEASON Y’ALL!! GIVE A BOOK FOR CHRISTMAS…

If you’re in Trinidad and Tobago, I’ll even autograph it when you get it – just hit me up!

here are the links:

At Last: www.amazon.com

Whispers Within: www.lulu.com

or contact me – wooziejee@yahoo.com