THE HEALTHY BBW

In the minds of the uninitiated, that phrase makes no sense. It could also be taken and knocked around as a joke, because of course, us big girls have simply eaten ourselves to out sized sexiness. SO WRONG!!! The things that people don’t take the time to look at are things like genetics, disease – and as a result, medication, mind-set, stress levels, earning power. Genetics points us to family and our predisposition to gaining and keeping weight on. There was a time when the statement “I come from a big-boned family” would cause raucous laughter in any room. The fact is that although people refer to the bones, it is a fact that families share everything, including the genes that make our bodies the way that they are. It ain’t about the bones, but it is about the body. If your father is tall and solid and your mother is short nd solid, you my darling, will break even in the middle and be solidly medium heighted. And when I say solid I mean that a waif you will never be. There are diseases and medications that bring on the ponds as well. If you’re asthmatic, you’re going to gain weight more than likely because the meds are usually locked down with steroids. If you’re diabetic you can either gain or lose poundage. Someone’s mind-set is also a heavy contributor to the poundage, particularly if it is that they are stressed, personally or professionally. This point is linked though to eating, because stress does make some of us eat, as does depression, anger and anxiety. Our power to earn a decent wage puts us at risk for extra poundage as well. The more we earn is the better that we can eat. The lower our wages, the more difficult it is for us to buy the best, hence we fall victim to the mass produced, the fat saturated, the wonder and max sized meals .. basically the things that are moments on the lips and forever on our hips. So we know what ails us. Do we even take the time to check on what heals and helps us? They ae in our hands, and at the end of our legs. Our hands and feet. Our hands are the instruments that put the food into our mouths and our feet are the things that get us moving. We need to nourish our bodies … not just feed ourselves. We need to get moving and not just move ourselves. I’m not saying that we need to run a marathon every other weekend, but we need to get up off our tushes and shake them down the lane or around a park or savannah. There are times when we don’t realize that we can be and have been our own worse enemies. We complain about the aches and the pains when we move, but the irony is that the more we move, the less the pains become. The other thing is that when we eat … really eat … we lose the pounds. Our metabolisms are unable to become lazy when we eat the way we should.. we have become so used to the seesaw that is the diet life that we starve ourselves, not realizing that our bodies become so worried about us that they ‘lovingly’ store the fat in our bodies, just in case we decide not to eat again. Again, our own faults. You may be wondering why this rant on myself and my BBW sistahs. It’s simple really. A photograph was placed on our group wall the other day of a woman … a beautiful woman … with hips that measure more than 8 feet in circumference, and this is something of which she is proud. If you look at this woman you can see that from her face to her shoulders to her bustline and waist, she is your average full figured woman. Then there are the hips. And then her legs go back to average. There is no way on God’s green earth that you can tell me she’s healthy. She spoke of the thousands photographs that have been taken of her, and the way that people stare at her when she walks down the road with her husband and family. She speaks of exercising, but her children have to pull her out of her seat at home, and when she does ‘exercise’ she only moves her arms. That has NOTHING to do with her girth. It frightened me to look at this woman, and in my fear, I thought of all of us full figured women, many of us who believe that being comfortable with your body means sitting on our asses an doing nothing. As someone who has battled back from 396 lbs about eight years ago to 228 now (And I ain’t done yet!!), I think I have the right to yell at any and all of us when we sit and stew in complacence. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. Nobody says that you have to wafer thin in order to be sexy … particularly since REAL men know that there ain’t nothin wrong with meat on a REAL woman, and guys, you need to get up off your asses and motivate your woman. What am saying is that we need to be the best of ourselves Love your curves, believe in your curves ... Get to steppin and do the work! Okay … I’ve said a mouthful. Please … I beg of you … let’s get started. It’s for your own good!

THE RESIGNATION OF A MOTHER CONFESSOR

I am tired …
Tired of granting absolution
For the actions that you perceive to be correct
I am tired of drying the tears
Of the million
While the tears of the one – mine – go unnoticed
I am so fed up
Fed up with the ones who have
And believe and act that they have not
I am so scarred
By the ones who take and take and take
And forget that it’s okay to give
I have had it up to here there and every fuckin where
With people who walk into my presence
Eyes wide shut
And see only themselves reflected in my eyes and spirit
Yet they never stop to see if I need to be heard
Why have I been given all of this love
If not to share it with someone who is there for ME
In the same way that I am there for them
Is it that I am unworthy of being loved in return?
Did that nature boy know what the fuck
He was talking about when he declared
All those years ago
That the greatest thing we’d ever learn
Was just to love and be loved in return?
Newsflash … I’m still waiting
Here I sit with my bags packed and with nowhere to go
Because it would seem that the train has left
Me at the station
And do you know why?
Because I was more than likely stuck
In the ladies’ room giving comfort to someone
And it was more than likely
Someone who ran off to catch their own bus!
Has anyone taken the time to really look behind
My supposed smile?
I’m plum tuckered out
From being the training ground where
The males of the species come to find out
What they’ve been doing wrong so that they can
Graduate and move on to their princess brides
For the love of God – leave me some pride
I’m not your sister, your teacher, your buddy your pal …
I have hopes and aspirations too …
Do you even try to see me as I see you?
I’ve lost so much, and at times
It feels that I’ve gained so little
It’s like I’m permanently stuck in the middle
I don’t want to be anyone’s middle passage
I deserve to be someone’s destination
So now I’m handing in my resignation
Mother confessor is taking a respite
Sista Soljah is giving her shoulder a rest
Big sis and lil buddy are both signing off
Excuse me while I go to my corner
And continue to dry my own tears
And maybe … just maybe someone will take the time
And show that they care
And if they don’t – big surprise…
It’s just another day
In my own personal misconstrued paradise…