THE HEALTHY BBW

In the minds of the uninitiated, that phrase makes no sense. It could also be taken and knocked around as a joke, because of course, us big girls have simply eaten ourselves to out sized sexiness. SO WRONG!!! The things that people don’t take the time to look at are things like genetics, disease – and as a result, medication, mind-set, stress levels, earning power. Genetics points us to family and our predisposition to gaining and keeping weight on. There was a time when the statement “I come from a big-boned family” would cause raucous laughter in any room. The fact is that although people refer to the bones, it is a fact that families share everything, including the genes that make our bodies the way that they are. It ain’t about the bones, but it is about the body. If your father is tall and solid and your mother is short nd solid, you my darling, will break even in the middle and be solidly medium heighted. And when I say solid I mean that a waif you will never be. There are diseases and medications that bring on the ponds as well. If you’re asthmatic, you’re going to gain weight more than likely because the meds are usually locked down with steroids. If you’re diabetic you can either gain or lose poundage. Someone’s mind-set is also a heavy contributor to the poundage, particularly if it is that they are stressed, personally or professionally. This point is linked though to eating, because stress does make some of us eat, as does depression, anger and anxiety. Our power to earn a decent wage puts us at risk for extra poundage as well. The more we earn is the better that we can eat. The lower our wages, the more difficult it is for us to buy the best, hence we fall victim to the mass produced, the fat saturated, the wonder and max sized meals .. basically the things that are moments on the lips and forever on our hips. So we know what ails us. Do we even take the time to check on what heals and helps us? They ae in our hands, and at the end of our legs. Our hands and feet. Our hands are the instruments that put the food into our mouths and our feet are the things that get us moving. We need to nourish our bodies … not just feed ourselves. We need to get moving and not just move ourselves. I’m not saying that we need to run a marathon every other weekend, but we need to get up off our tushes and shake them down the lane or around a park or savannah. There are times when we don’t realize that we can be and have been our own worse enemies. We complain about the aches and the pains when we move, but the irony is that the more we move, the less the pains become. The other thing is that when we eat … really eat … we lose the pounds. Our metabolisms are unable to become lazy when we eat the way we should.. we have become so used to the seesaw that is the diet life that we starve ourselves, not realizing that our bodies become so worried about us that they ‘lovingly’ store the fat in our bodies, just in case we decide not to eat again. Again, our own faults. You may be wondering why this rant on myself and my BBW sistahs. It’s simple really. A photograph was placed on our group wall the other day of a woman … a beautiful woman … with hips that measure more than 8 feet in circumference, and this is something of which she is proud. If you look at this woman you can see that from her face to her shoulders to her bustline and waist, she is your average full figured woman. Then there are the hips. And then her legs go back to average. There is no way on God’s green earth that you can tell me she’s healthy. She spoke of the thousands photographs that have been taken of her, and the way that people stare at her when she walks down the road with her husband and family. She speaks of exercising, but her children have to pull her out of her seat at home, and when she does ‘exercise’ she only moves her arms. That has NOTHING to do with her girth. It frightened me to look at this woman, and in my fear, I thought of all of us full figured women, many of us who believe that being comfortable with your body means sitting on our asses an doing nothing. As someone who has battled back from 396 lbs about eight years ago to 228 now (And I ain’t done yet!!), I think I have the right to yell at any and all of us when we sit and stew in complacence. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. Nobody says that you have to wafer thin in order to be sexy … particularly since REAL men know that there ain’t nothin wrong with meat on a REAL woman, and guys, you need to get up off your asses and motivate your woman. What am saying is that we need to be the best of ourselves Love your curves, believe in your curves ... Get to steppin and do the work! Okay … I’ve said a mouthful. Please … I beg of you … let’s get started. It’s for your own good!

REVELATIONS...

I love the way you caress my body, and I find it adorable the way you get upset when I refer to my lumps and bumps. It’s amazing how you worry about me and worry when I’m not one hundred per cent. You’re a very caring person, and it’s cute the way you try to hide that fact beneath the gruff exterior. Your eyes make me beautiful in my eyes, and that’s major. No girl has ever been as important as I am to you when we’re together. You’re accepting of me as I am, but you don’t like what you refer to as my negative self-talk… Here’s the thing though … I am. I’m not being negative when I talk about my lumps and bumps or even when I talk about the size of my ass or breasts. You know why? I've lived in this body all of my life, and I've watched it morph into all the different sizes and shapes that I've been. As a result, I have an intimate relationship with every bump of cellulite, every extra fold that occurred because of changes in weight and the shift of gravity. I know every pimple, every scrape every scar … I know why they occurred and I remember when. I have fond and not so fond memories of skinned knees and bruised feelings. I haven’t lived in this beautiful temple for all of these years without knowing her and knowing her well. She loves attention, but it must be positive and loving attention. She loves being touched but it must come from a place of admiration and care. She blossoms under attention but that attention must be honest and not force. To quote someone’s lyrics, my body is a wonderland. You’ve been privileged to be allowed through her gates. Enjoy the wonder of me …my soul and the temple that hold her lovingly. Enjoy the treats that have been offered to you, and when the time comes for you to leave, be sure to genuflect and give thanks for the opportunity that was gifted to you. I’m no longer a giggly girl … I have become a woman and I know what it means to be appreciated for the woman that I have become… Love me or leave me, just do not deceive me … some sins just cannot be tolerated… Hearts and flowers, Me <3 @);---

Truly Loving Me...

For centuries we had been taught that the proclamation of love of self was egotistical and taboo. Today however, we find ourselves in a place where we are told that it’s okay to be a little selfish for self, and to shout it from mountain tops.

My take on it? Everything in moderation.

That being said, I really do believe that we cannot love ourselves enough.

One of the things that I have encountered with fellow full figured women is that we put off loving ourselves until we get to ‘that point’ or ‘that size’. The message that needs to be heard is that we must love ourselves in our current skins … love yourself for the beautiful, vital, intelligent, sensual and sexy woman that you are. There is really no need to wait to love you! It’s YOU after all. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? The only entity that loves us unconditionally is God, and we are supposed to be perfect in His eyes, and we really are not – not by a long shot. So if He loves us the way we are, why then can’t we just follow His lead?

Love yourself enough to get over the hurdles that you face, particularly those that have to do with self image. Every imperfection is precious; every pound worth loving enough to be released (I know that sounds funny but bear with me).

I always recall the words of a particular boyfriend who, bless his heart, was trying to make me feel better about being a big girl, when I was particularly down. He said “You’re not fat … there’s just more of you to love.” At the time I giggled through my tears and kissed him my thanks. I have been grateful through the years for those words.

How many of us really look at ourselves in the mirror? Most of us are experts at looking only at what is and when necessary. We skip over the arms, and bellies, and thighs … it’s too painful to watch for many of us. What we NEED to do is take a good, long look at the goddesses that we are and look at the thighs and bellies and full boobs and appreciate our sized sexiness, because we ARE sexy!

Then and only then can we see where the changes that we sometimes crave can be made. And please, don’t aspire to be skinny; aspire to be HEALTHY.

I am 55lbs away from my goal weight and I know that with hard work, God’s grace and - Lord help me (:D) - Lee, I will get there! And it’s all about being healthy, because I know I will never be skinny … nor do I want to be.

I love my boobs and hips and butt; I just know that the extra weight isn’t ideal for me, however ‘comfortable’ it may seem to be. So basically, I love me enough to get up and get moving on my journey…

Thanks my take,
The Changeling.

Changing Our Internal Soundtrack ...

I recently spoke to a dear one of mine who is presently going through some things. It’s been rough for them, and I know that there are nights that remain sleepless, as well as days of black clouds, hesitance and doubt.

They have attempted to remain optimistic in the face of harrowing body blows. They smile and joke, and it’s a pattern that I have come to recognize from my own experiences with ‘days of thunder’ as I choose to call them.

Our internal soundtracks are the ‘inner voices’ that guide us, be they celestial, emotional, spiritual, ancestral or voices from our past. These are the voices that are with us at our highest and lowest moments.

At our pinnacles, they constantly pat us on the back … remind us of how wonderful we are and can even press on to cause us to become quite selfish, and mindless of the people or circumstances that have gotten us to this particular peak.

In our pits of despair, these same voices can be the ones that jeer and sneer at us, while reminding us of every single failure in our lives … from kindergarten to that time at the office when we fell flat on our faces in the middle of a presentation.

They are the soundtracks of our lives, and I don’t know about you, but I would rather have a nice balanced play list that shows me where I’ve gone wrong and cheers me on while I attempt to repair the problem.

The worst thing is when WE are the voice that we hear … the voice of our own insecurity…

I told my dear one this morning that they needed to remain thankful and that they needed to find something at the end of each day to be thankful and grateful for – be it a parking space or a butterfly that came their way. The response was “I am thankful and I start my prayers off with thanksgiving but … it’s hard…”

The word BUT is a bitch of a word and here’s why … are you aware that EVERYTIME you say BUT you have effectively negated everything that went before it?

Here’s a prime example – I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART BUT I CAN’T STAY WITH YOU…

I love you with all my heart … I can’t stay with you … BUT in the middle. You’ve just told someone that you don’t love them and goodbye.

The ‘supposed’ love that you feel for that person is just a plaster to try to make them feel better as you walk away.

Let’s look at my dear one’s statement … “I am thankful and I start my prayers off with thanksgiving but it’s hard some days…”

I am thankful and I start by prayers off with thanks giving … it’s hard some days … BUT in the middle. Stay with me class … they’ve just said he isn’t thankful and life is hard.

Now before you pick up your soap box and turn it over in an attempt to tell me what a cold hearted bitch I am, lemme just explain what I mean.

Yes I know that there is absolutely NOBODY on this earth who wakes up everyday all peachy keen and in the pink of great humor. Yes I know that we all have our battles to fight. I also know that WE are the ones who allow others to hold us back … we are the ones who allow the seeds of doubt and sometimes ultimate failure to permeate our souls on our good and bad days. The word BUT is a word that inspires doubt … e.g. YES I KNOW HE CAN DO IT BUT LEMME JUST HELP HIM. Again … Yes I know he can do it … Lemme just help him … BUT in the middle. This works out to be ‘I don’t trust him to be able to do this so I’ma stick my foot in it.’

When we start adding BUT to our vocabulary when it concerns ourselves, we are giving life to self-doubt, insecurity, and mistrust of self. How could that be a good thing? If we don’t love, trust, respect and believe in ourselves … who’s gonna do it for us?

So you’ve been told all your life that ‘little black boys and girls will NEVER amount to anything in this world” and you have a setback … do you wallow in the mud and slime and doubt yourself while giving life to what OTHERS have said to you? NO! You change your internal soundtrack and you keep telling yourself “I am going to make it DESPITE what has been said to me and about me!”

You realize that it’s not going to work and you end a relationship or the relationship is ended by your partner. You’ve been told since the age of reason that “people in your family NEVER stay together anyway so why bother … your relationship skills are jinxed.” Are you going to let someone else speak into your life and tell you that you’re never going to find relationship happiness? NO! you change your soundtrack and tell yourself that “I will find with God’s help the one who is made for me. He/She is coming and soon!”

I guess what I’m trying to say is that positivity is so much more effective than her evil twin negativity. Someone pointed out to me the other day that when life gives you lemons you ask for sugar, because the water is free. That sounds like wonderful advice to me.

No I’m not sending you out there to be the voice of constant cheerleading … that would just be annoying. What I am saying dear ones is that life is hard, days can be tough, BUT with the right attitude … we will all get to where we are destined to be!

Dear Beautiful Soul ...

Dear Beautiful Soul,

Why have you let yourself be bogged down with he worries of the world? What makes your eyes run with tears for the ones you’ve loved and lost? How is it that I never see you smile anymore? It feels like you’ve lost your joy and your laughter, and that, beautiful soul is a shame.

I’ve watched you slowly lose your glow, relinquish some of your sparkle.

Don’t you know beautiful one that all joy begins and ends with you? You hold the magic yourself, and the sooner you realize that, the happier you will become.

Can you not see that my outer body is but a temple built and dedicated to your radiant beauty dear soul? Without you there is no me, and I am thankful that you have deemed my mortal shell worthy of your presence.

Having been presented with our gratitude, are you still going to keep your luminosity within?

Shine forth beautiful soul so we may pay you the homage you so deserve. Warm us from within so that we too may glow with your fire of your love.

I love you my beautiful soul and I thank the Creator for you everyday.

You are uniquely mine.

TIME, LOVE AND TENDERNESS ...

I realized after I named this blog that the title actually belong s to a Michael Bolton song, but that’s okay … at least I’m in brilliant company.
What I’m referring to here is the sometimes soppy way that the ones who love us worry about our welfare.

I have to travel today to get home … no riding home with ‘THE BIG H’ as my mom calls the man of my dreams, and I have been mandated to do the following:-
1. Exhaust all avenues of getting a ride home
2. If no one is available, please be careful getting to the main street
3. Careful choosing cabs and cab drivers
4. Call as soon as I get to my door

Now you would think that I have never taken public transportation before – right? Or that I’m probably 12. I love the fact that ‘H’ worries but sometimes I feel that he’s worse than Mother Hen. What did he think I did before he arrived on the scene?
Isn’t it wonderful to be treated like a precious gem? It’s like a door opened and let the light in and suddenly, there is someone who is able to see our TRUE worth.

So it is when our Heavenly Father looks at us; he worries about us because he loves us…

The sad thing is that we do not ourselves take the TIME to look at ourselves with LOVE or with TENDERNESS. The truth is that we really do not have to look very far to see ourselves in that light. We have only to look into the eyes of those who truly love us. We look so good that we sometimes doubt our own reflections.

It’s not that our Loved Ones see us as blemish free or truly pure. What it is is that they see us as we truly are – human, with quirks and foibles. The difference is that we tend to be extra hard on ourselves, and they are more than willing – in most cases – to give us the benefit of the doubt, just as we are willing to do for them.

What a wonderfully symbiotic relationship.

Take the TIME to see yourself as the precious gem that you really are. Look at yourself through eyes of LOVE for yourself and treat yourself with TENDERNESS. It’s the least that you can do for YOU.

Hollaback!