MAY 24, 2011 - ONE YEAR AFTER ... HOW YUH FEEL?

I chose the title for this blog without giving much thought to the fact that I have an infamously short fuse; not to mention a way-too-low tolerance for bullshit.

How do I feel --- REALLY?? The first words that spring to mind are … “WHAT??? YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT???!”, so incredulous is the question. The person who asks this has honestly been living under a huge-ass rock for a year.

NYEH NYEH – I TOLD YOU SO…
In a way, I feel vindicated. I said that no good would come of this holy People’s Partnership alliance and so far, no good has.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that promises were their supposed future and broken promises are their present. There are thousands of citizens who are now mumbling and grumbling as they wonder why they signed on with the party in power – particularly the public servants and the people once employed by the CPEP programme. These are the people that they wooed, wined and dined with promises of higher wages, of job security, of integration into the services, of nests feathered with an endless supply of monetary goodies. They promised milk and honey and delivered cardboard and charcoal.

“COME CELEBRATE OUR YEAR OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS!”
Uhhhh … hello!!! What accomplishments?? You have done nothing more than take the credit for plans, projects and policies already in train; and not only have you taken the credit, you’ve been petty as hell about it. A prime example of same would be the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Powder Magazine Walk Over – the one with the elevators and ramps on both sides. This was the brainchild of then Minister of Works, Hon. Colm Imbert, yet JACK-IN-THE-BOX cuts the ribbon and does not deem it fit to invite Mr Imbert because as JACKASS-BOY puts it “H-h-h-h-e-e take t-t-tooo long!” PETTINESS!!!

The project is not … WAS not yours to take the glory for. It has been the same cry nationwide. None of your ideas have been original, so basically you’re doing stitches for another surgeon’s operation, Drs. Dread.

Mr Panday was brilliantly precise when he described the PP Government as FUNCITONAL, because that’s all you’ve been doing – going to functions; that and increasing your frequent flyer miles.

I BEEN HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE…
Must be nice travelling every other week, especially when you don’t have to pay. Why should you when there are so many giving taxpayers to rob … I mean rely on. It’s gotta be good being the PM – or one of her ministers/friends/family members/dog/cat/parakeet/hairdresser/stylists/side piece … cuz you know you’ll eventually get a trip or a hundred to somewhere. It must be great turning up in some foreign land or another, showing off your entourage – all under the guise of seeking the country’s interest. I’m sure that I’m not the only one awaiting the arrival of all of these supposed foreign investors for Trini … and I mean new ones, not the ones already courted by the former regime and the ones who were already putting ideas into action and landing on our shores. So yeah … you’re the ONLY one believing your hype.

HOW DO I REALLY FEEL??!
As a nation we feel hoodwinked, bamboozled, duped and run amok upon.

Personally I’M MAD AS HELL. Everyone who had a yellow t-shirt, some doubt and a voice went the way of CHANGE. Yeah we got change alright. We had a dollar and we changed it for five cents. Right now it looks as if we are still owed four of those five. Some of the newly disenchanted are attempting to soothe their wounds by saying that it wasn’t change but EXCHANGE.

BULLSHIT

This was not exchange, by any rate. Yes we had mismanagement, but dammit, it was manageable. There were instances of nepotism, but not like this. Crime existed and has always been a problem, but not on SO HIGH a level – and yes the rate is high, not matter how they attempt to doctor the headlines. There are crimes being committed and people being killed that are not being reported in a nasty attempt to drive the figures down. Racism is at an all time high, but hey … we’re alright – right???!

I am sick to my stomach as I watch my country unravel at its jagged seams.

We are sitting on a powder keg people. Wake up and smell the Johnny Walker Double Black and Grey Goose flavored coffee – a mixture that leaves a stench of vomit, greed, sex, lies, innuendo and ‘other’ unholy alliances behind.

Change? Yeah … change for the worst, alright …

Exchange? OH HELL NO!!! Not by along shot!!!

Are you prepared to deal with this particularly nightmarish scenario for another four years???

Be honest with yourself … a year has passed – how do YOU feel??!

Ah gorne!!!

AGAIN WITH THE PEN…(Dismantling the Dream and Selling it off as parts)

So I’ve been attempting to sit quietly by and observe. Why? Because I have been accused of super-imposing my politic on to what has been happening under the new regime. As a result, I put my pen to bed, folded my arms and put my finger on my lips.

Well …

To quote one of my very best friends, I think I’m in need of duct tape now because my finger can no longer hold it all in. There’s so much that I don’t know where to go … where to begin …

PM1

Seriously??? The official vehicle of the Prime Minister – PM1 – is now being called Puke Mobile 1??! Our leader is now publicly known for a constant flow of ‘flu-like’ symptoms – particularly vomiting - and IN THE CAR???! We are constantly being told that the PM is unwell. What – does she not trust the goodly medical systems at our health facilities, such as they are under HER regime and the certifiably batty Minister of Health? Well there’s always the private institutions … but then someone might actually say what it really is that’s being treated – ALCOHOL POISONING – and not the flu. How am I supposed to relax into a state of calm when the Prime Minister is constantly off in La-La (hic) Land getting her friggin jollies while the country is on auto-pilot??!

SECURITY! RIGHT …

So paranoia has been added to the mix. Rumor has it that ALL of the security cameras installed have been or are in the process of being removed because the goodly leader doesn’t want anyone to know about the goings on at the Palace – the same Palace that ‘they’ didn’t want to occupy. Right…

How insipid does one have to be before the realization dawns that no cameras mean no security? Humans can only do so much and things are not like they used to be back in the day; but then again, if you’re dealing with all things illicit then I guess you don’t want a tale of the tape…

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FO RME LATELY??!

It’s been nine months – the gestation period for a human child – and NOTHING has been done. Anything that has reached any sense of completion or continuation was already in the pipeline pre-PP. The order of the day thus far is searching ancient files for ancient papers in an attempt to ‘expose’ the ills of the past regime. We don’t fuckin’ care! Unfortunately your asses were elected to lead this country not to RUN IT AGROUND.

NEWSFLASH: We’re tired, we’re fed up and some of us … like, say, ME – knew you didn’t have what it took to run this place. Face it; you NEVER believed that you would win! This was a bigger shock to you than it was to most of us, and as a result you had and still have NO PLAN OF ACTION, save divvying up the spoils between the upper echelon of your hideously corrupt and twisted band of thieves!

JACK OF ALL TRADES…

And master of fuckin’ none! He serves no blasted purpose … acts like HE’s in charge of the government and country … runs roughshod over anyone who opposes his views and rules … sold his soul to a murti in order to get to where he seriously thinks he is. No wonder his Justice Joker had to refer to him as the People’s Deputy Prime Minister. Your own ministry isn’t enough for you – you need to have a finger in every pie. What is it – don’t you think that others can do their jobs or is it that you’re bored? Inquiring minds wanna know. You’re always talking about right and truth and justice and honesty, but FIFA is investigating your ass for MASSIVE THEFT. See anything wrong here? Can you spell I-R-O-N-Y boys and girls??? If you stay in your own blasted lane then maybe … just maybe … others may be able to drive.

LIMBO, LIMBO LIKE ME!

So here we sit … a country in limbo, waiting for the other shoe to drop. There have been prophesies of earthquakes, but I respectfully submit that the rumblings are not in the earth, but among the people, because the PP made promises to a lot of people behind many a closed door and now that they’ve been delivered via vote into the perceived promised land, they need to pay the piper and don’t have a clue as to how to start delivering.

In all honesty I worry more about insurrection than I do about natural disasters. I believe in emergency planning – canned goods, candles, bottled water and batteries, but it’s not about storm clouds above, but about the raging storm in the hearts and bellies of the people.

Pay up, put up and shut up – that’s all there is to it. Give what you promised and do so in a timely fashion and without bellyaching. As it stands … I really don’t see you lasting much longer than two years…

I will continue to watch and wait. I will continue to form my opinions. The sad thing is that I am tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt because there has been no benefit for me.

The Pen stops here … UNTIL.

Doing PENance in The Food Aisle ... HI Prices, LO Quality

I’ve been a loyal, card-carrying member of the Hi Lo Food Stores for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t just about the points and the prizes … I have been in Hi Lo’s corner since before the days of ‘FOLLOW DE RED ARROW AT HI LO’

There was a time … not so very long ago … when I boasted to all who would listen about the fact that their prices were better than Tru Valu’s and that the shelves were stacked better than many of the other markets.



Well…

The thrill is gone.

I went to Hi Lo Four Roads a couple Saturdays ago, in search of ingredients for a couple cakes that I had to build for an order. I looked at the baking shelf in sheer horror. The prices were between $5 and $8 more than those at Tru Valu. I even mentioned this to two members of staff who were on the lane. One of them shrugged her shoulders and said to me that members of staff had spoken to store managers about the recent pricing and that nothing was being done.

That’s when I remembered my mother’s annoyance when a couple months ago she spent over eight hundred dollars at the West Moorings branch and she had no idea what she had purchased. Faithful customer that I am, I still continued to think of the two situations as a fluke.

This Sunday morning, however, when in a state of bewilderment I walked out of the Four Roads branch with approximately three large bags, having just spent slightly under four hundred dollars, brotha the bloom was so off of that rose.

What the hell is going on with the Canning’s Group of Companies – the parent company of Hi Lo Food Stores??? Is it that the WANT to be priced out of the market? Could it be that they are searching for such exclusivity that pretty soon their own staff won’t be able to spend there?

This is ridiculous!!! There is no need to pay the exorbitant costs for vegetables when Canning’s has their own farms – something I might add, that they have boasted about in the past. How can it be that a couple blocks up the Diego Martin Main Road at West Bee’s it is possible to purchase 6 cartons of Green Butterfly Evaporated Milk for the special price of $30 and that special is not available at Hi Lo … in fact I believe that the cost of evaporated milk has soared to almost $6 a carton. Have I mentioned that we’re talking quarter litre cartons here?

How is it that three packets of macaroni can be had at West Bees for $10 dollars but not at Hi Lo? Whatever happened to specials???

You have dubbed yourself the nation’s favorite food store. Guess what? That shit no longer holds water. Have you not noticed that the month end lines have dwindled? Try doing a little sneak shopping at Tru Valu on a month end Friday and see the lines wrapping around lanes like ‘back in the day’ at Hi Lo. And it’s not just on a month end anymore. You can find those long lines on any given day. The transition is almost complete and in a little while from now Hi Lo will be a thing of the past, and that would be so sad.

What makes it even scarier is the fact that the budget has not as yet been read for the upcoming fiscal year and as such I shudder to think what the near future holds for food prices across the board.

Something has to be done, because points and prizes are no longer enough to hold on to your customers Hi Lo … better can and MUST be done.

Go back to the days of comparison shopping – when replenishing staff would go to other markets and compare so that the prices were better controlled.

Have a heart for your fellow citizens – those whose salaries have not been increased, even though their food costs have. Do the math and attempt, as the other members of the Supermarket Owners Association have, to find the middle ground.

Don’t make me come get yo ass!!!

Fix this and NOW!!!

The Pen Is Back!!!

It’s been a while since I’ve addressed all of the totus bul tata that has been orbiting my personal atmosphere.

For those of you who require some sort of translation, please allow me …

Totus Bul Tata – My own Latin for the total bull shit that seems to need constant release.

Moving on …

WASA: The Ballad of Many a Dry River
Shock of shocks! There is corruption at the Water and Sewerage Authority! People have actually been making money off of the water woes of the common man. WOW … (as my boss would say with that particularly sarcastic drawl). I can attest personally to the fact that we the consumers have been paying for truck borne water deliver for EONS! There have been illegal and ‘almost’ legal connections made to WASA mains for forever!

Why is everyone so shocked by this now? And how dare the new CEO and Chairman talk about the fact that this authority is rotten from the head down and right through the core??! The unions connected with WASA have taken this statement personally, and well they should. The sad thing is that they are taking it to heart for the WRONG reasons. They appear to be genuinely surprised that anyone would ever endeavor to point fingers at their membership for committing such sins.

YEAH RIGHT!!!

Wake the hell up Pilgrims. This shit has been the status quo since time immemorial. The thing is that had it not been for changes at the helm and in the climate pattern, much of this would have gone unnoticed or dealt with … just like the leaks in the roads that have to be repaired 20 – 100 times before the family businesses of WASA officials can be financially sated.

Question – has WASA collected ALL of the outstanding monies owed to them by big business and governmental departments and ministries? Are consumers still being billed for water and sewerage services that they haven’t received? Are ‘favors’ still the order of the day at WASA headquarters if I need to have something done? And are people in certain departments still being paid for a full days’ work when they typically leave after two hours? Just asking …

Drought is apparent all round, financial, moral and actual drought.

I’m all for conservation, but you can’t tell me how long m shower needs to be until you fix the myriad leaks all over the island(s). you can’t tell me that y yard has to become a dust-bowl until your Engineering, Planning and Implementation departments start working COHESIVELY with the Ministry of Works and Transport, thereby allowing for WORKING SMART and not HARD; i.e. don’t wait until Works fixes the road to SUDDENLY remember that there is a need to OPEN A TRENCH for water/sewerage works to be done … EPIC FAIL!

PS: Loving the fact that everyone is wearing their dusty covered cars like a badge of courage! Too cute …

TTRA: An Umbrella? Unheard of …
Welcome to the era of Sophisticated Fuckwittedness. Self explanatory peeps …

So the Trinidad and Tobago Revenue Authority is an umbrella authority that would seek to bring all revenue-based authorities/ministerial departments into one cohesive unit. So far, so good. So discussions and negotiations for this authority have been ongoing since the early 2000’s … talks have been held with the relevant stakeholders … sod was turned for the development of the ministerial campus – INCLUSIVE of offices for same. Okay … we good.

As a result of totally asinine and fucked up decision making and actions by the former leadership of the Public Servants Association (PSA), there’s a new Sheriff in town … we’ll call him Cowboy Y – as in ‘WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKIN STUPID??’ All of a sudden, decisions that were all but made, and settlements that were close doff and accepted are all back up in the air? Again with the Unions. Cowboy Y has NO authority to promise public servants payments … much less say WHEN such payments would be made. So yet again … why are grown people blindly following the Sheriff into certain doom? Can we talk here? Let’s chat about the Pack Rat Mentality (PRM) or maybe it’s Grown Folk Peer Pressure (GFPP) … not sure, but it IS something. Some of those people who are risking aneurysms while marching aimlessly in 36-degree Celsius weather are some of the same people who profess that they are independent and free thinkers. Here’s the thing … these are also the same parents who ask their children if they would jump off of a cliff if little Timmy next door did it. Meantime, they are yelling at their kids for looking at them in THAT tone of voice – the one that says “Are you Freakin’ serious??!”

Again with the massive doses of sleeping pills … WAKE UP!!! You are effectively ‘spinning top in mud’ when you should be doing what you can to prepare for early retirement or career shifts. I never said that it was pleasant … what I am saying is that it is time to stop acting like you didn’t know that it was going to happen … YOU KNEW! Stop drinking the blasted Kool-Aid and take a purge!

Opposition: We Just Say No For No’s Sake
What a frickin’ mess this Motley Crew be! What – I’m supposed to give them a free pass just because the leader is a female? Fuckno! It’s because a woman is rumored to have more common sense that I will NOT. People … if you’re gonna say ‘no’ to a bill/amendment/Chinese take-out restaurant order – give a fuckin’ reason! No for no doesn’t sit well with the public at large. We are a lot smarter than you think we are – honest! Shit like that just pisses us off.

Then there is the latest batch of Parliamentarians. The leader has successfully regurgitated a man so pompous, a man with his head stuck so far up his ass that he is effectively out of touch with reality and common sense. He needs to go back to visiting the damnable Queen.

Another faux pas is the keeping and placing in the front bench … the Automaton of the Panday Era – the Marked one. What purpose can he possibly serve but to be a constant reminder of a bygone time that most of us would rather forget???!

Then there is the addition of the bald-headed, ox-like moron (did I say that out loud???!) – I mean, oxymoron. She began her decades of being the Tirade Queen by going up against the then UNC government – which by the way was made up of the majority of jackals that surround her now – the same ones who spat her out without her long-service award, gratuity and pension. Enter the era of the Bell and Placard – but where is she now? Sitting in the opposition UNC’s lap, of course. But wait – it get’s worse. Every year she parades the highways and byways supposedly in the name of and for the love of children. This includes her recent crying jag at the funeral held for that unfortunate family recently gunned down in the midst of gang warfare. She cried … she cried for the ones gone and she cried for the ones left behind. Yet she stood in Parliament last week and wept for the PRISONERS? Aren’t these the same prisoners, some of whom sit in their cells with their mobile phones and order hits from within those walls??? PICK A FUCKIN SIDE AND BE TRUE TO IT! Y’all waffle more than Aunt Jemima.

Is it any wonder that many view this particular leader’s election of some sort of political gag, with her dangling at the end of some marionette strings???

This is where the Pen pauses … stay tuned for more!

DREAMING AWAY AT NATIONAL SECURITY WHILE VISIONS OF OJT’S DANCE IN OUR MUDDLED HEADS …

It should have been a simple process … it was supposed to be in-and-out in about a half an hour. It was not to be.

Anyone who lives here, has visited here or has even had a layover in our airport has come into contact with the bureaucratic labyrinth that is the Immigration process in Trinidad and Tobago; and none of the aforementioned segments of our society have ever really fully made it out of the maze.

Well … I found myself fully ensconced in the Matrix on Wednesday. I entered the matrix that morning at approximately 9AM when I presented myself to the offices of a REPUTABLE Commissioner of Affidavits, only to find a long line of fellow hopefuls and doors that were firmly shut … AT 9AM in a notoriously 8 to 4 country … STRIKE ONE.

I took myself off to the Hall of Justice to visit with my sister-friend, who is a Clerk to Judges, where I was informed that she was not in the building, only to call her and have her appear from INSIDE the very building that she was supposedly out of … this is a building that is virtually crawling with every sort of security device, cameras a, police and security personnel. RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! STRIKE TWO.

I went back to the offices of the reputable commissioner of affidavits to find that she was indeed on duty with an office full of people frothing at the mouth to have their wrongs righted by the goodly officer of the Public Domain. I waited, got my form signed and stamped, paid my fees and took myself off to the Immigration Department – a division of the Ministry of National Security.

I opened the doors to two serpentining, intertwining lines – one to the Receptionist … one to the Collections Counter. I had to play a game of FIND MY END to know where I should stand. While shuffling off to my own private ‘Buffalo”, I witnessed four women bedecked in key cards swinging from their necks reading the words ‘MINISTRY OF CULTURE’, sauntering in. One of them stood off to the left and the other three proceeded to the counter to be attended to. Did I mention that they went directly to the SAME counter that approximately TWENTY of us were standing IN A LINE to get to for the same service? No? Well they did. This incensed a few of my fellow shufflers and they proceeded t raise a bit of a stink, one of them even going to far as to take himself to the front of the line. That’s when the policeman on duty decided that he felt the need to act.

Here’s the hilarity … these three women walked STRAIGHT UP TO THE COUNTER and officer chupidy stood by and WATCHED, but one man moved from the ACTUAL LINE and he is angry??? WHAT THE FUCK???! STRIKE THREE.

Another officer came over and spoke to the gentleman and informed him that that sort of thing happens often when OTHER GOVERNMENTAL OFFICERS come in to the office. Note to self: wear a Governmental key card around neck the NEXT time I need to be treated ‘SPECIALLY’ at a governmental office .

Having finally gained the front of the ACTUAL line, I presented my documents and was about to explain about my lost passport and form regarding same when I was told that all they needed were the ID Cards involved. I submitted same, was told that the passports were ready and that I needed to have a seat and wait for my name to be called. I complied.

I sat there observing the colourfully dressed members of staff, wondering how come they weren’t wearing the prescribed blue and grey uniform of the Division. I dismissed the thought as I continued my penance – yes my penance because it was almost three hours before I was called to the Issuance Counter. I produced the documents required only to be told THEN that I was unable to collect my passport because my LOST PASSPORT FORM was printed on the WRONG SIZED PAPER and not two sided as recommended. I am standing at the counter with a form, signed by the Police and a Commissioner of Affidavits (A signature and stamp that I had to pay for as previously stated!) and you’re going to tell me that it’s the wrong sized paper when your fuckin’ PDF files feed at lettersized???! And how exactly is this my fault???!

I am then sent to the receptionist who then proceeds to tell me that I “Cyah get a form until yuh have ah appointment.” I then inhale as DEEPLY as possible so as not to blow this little fuckwits brains out and inform the little brightly dressed OJTer that I was in fact COLLECTING MY ALREADY PROCESSED PASSPORT … that I already had my appointment and was sent to her to see if the form would be accepted. She then informs “Well I have tuh talk to my Supervisor!” I then went back to the other brightly dressed person who sent me to her in the first place to ask why I can’t get the passport on submission of the form, only to be told that they have to INVESTIGATE whether my passport is REALLY lost – as if I would go through this insipid shit all over again – because no one is to have two valid passports. I tell miss thing that my passport was expired and that all she has to do is check the form in front of her. eyes are rolled at me … “Ma’am … be that as it may we HAVE to investigate!”

Question – If I lost my passport and couldn’t find it, having traced and retraced my steps, how de arse are they going to investigate the whereabouts of my passport? Is the plan to stand on every corner in Port of Spain and shout ‘HERE PASSPORT, PASSPORT, PASSPORT!” in the hopes that it fuckin answers???
When the illusive Supervisor finally turns up forty five minutes later the woman – another TEMP – informs me that I ‘Should have KNOWN that I needed to ADJUST the PDF FEED so that it would print on Legal paper” and then proceeds to ask me in her own ‘warm’ way “YOU TINK YOU IS DE ONLY PERSON WHOEVER PRINT DIS FORM ONLINE?” I open my mouth to tell her just what I think of her fuckwitted and nasty-ass attitude but she cuts me off with “:ANYWAY WE EH ARGUIN ABOUT DE FORM. IT WRONG AN’ IS NOT OUR FAULT – START OVER!” and then she shoves a printed form at me … looks over my head and shouts “NEXT!”

Now I ask you --- what would you have done then? How would you have felt, having been so unceremoniously dismissed by a PUBLIC SERVANT WHOSE SALARY AND BENEFITS ARE PAID BY YOUR BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS AND TAXES? In fact how would you react having been assaulted by an entire fuckin system???!

Honestly, I felt raped, taken advantage of and thrown on a heap for speedy disposal.

I know that temps and OJTers are a part of life in the government service – heck, I’ve been a temp in the service – and kudos to the powers that be for trying to train out young’uns for the world of work; but that’s just it – THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT TRAINED!

After what I and the other pilgrims went through on Wednesday – I suggest that the Ministry of National Security Passport office is NOT the place for priggish, ill-mannered temps and pregnant, impatient, short-tempered OJTers – people are already in a state of shock and annoyance when they open those doors and enter the Labyrinth of Bedlam … the Matrix of Mayhem. It would so ease the pain and frustration to be served by a PROFESSIONAL member of staff who has a clue, some manners, and proper CSR training, but I know that somewhere in the dark and cobwebbed filled corridors of the Ministerial Human Resources Department, some grey-headed clerk just had a fuckin heart attack because they can’t remember the last time they heard CSR Training and Staff in the same sentence! That shit just ain’t done!

So as a result, we are doomed to remain like Charlie One Note … dancing in our sleep and dreaming of the day when someone cracks the code and we can finally escape THE MATRIX OF BUREAUCRATIC DOOM with the simple words “Good Morning, How can I be of service to you today?”

NB: For those of you who don’t know, an OJTer is an On The Job Training participant.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BE FED UP???!

I have always professed that there is a thin line between being a Christian and being stupid, and for the most part I have stayed on the right side of that line, choosing to be a fool only for God.

I have now discovered another line. This is the one between being understanding and fed up, and it is becoming apparent that the tip of my shoe is firmly on that line and sliding slowly into FED-UP-NESS.

As the leader of a ministry at my church I have heard and seen it all. The thing is that I have been involved with this ministry for over half of my life, save two years when I wanted nothing to do with anything remotely Catholic – so we are looking at approximately twenty-four years of service.

I sometimes wonder if I am some sort of mutant being because I tend to put this service before other things whether I am leader or not. I don’t attend most functions – family or otherwise – if they are set on Sundays. I try to be back from the inevitable meeting or brunch in time to be rested and refreshed for 5pm when I am due to be at the church. It is rare that an ailment keeps me from where I need to be.

I’m not saying this in an attempt to make myself look better than anyone else – far from it because believe you me I ain’t no saint. I am saying this however in an attempt to somehow understand the behavioral patterns of some of the members of my ministry who seem to have no problem putting everything and everyone else before the commitment that they have VOLUNTARILY made, and why is it that they have a hard time understanding that I am pissed off at the end of the day when I have no musicians or voices.

Hence my question – WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BE FED UP??

Is it okay when I have people calling me at the 99.9th hour to tell me that they are stuck in the ‘back of beyond’ with no ride in site? Did they ever intend to be present in the first place?

Is it okay when I get to the church and I decide to call people to inquire as to their whereabouts and I am then nonchalantly told “Oh – sorry – ah cyah make it”?

Is it okay when I am pulled on the carpet and rakes over the coals by priest and parishioner alike about the inconsistencies of my ministry and what do I intend to do about it as LEADER?

Is it that I must be long suffering because I am the leader? Do I smile and grin outwardly when inside I am boiling?

When am I allowed to honestly express my lack of enthusiasm with a group that seems to function at their convenience and not as prescribed?

Is it okay to say that I currently lead a phantom group of ever disappearing members?

How do I make my feelings known to a people whoa re never around? Is it that I need to email them?

Why is it that someone always has to be called before they can say that they will not be there?

What happened to the commitment to serve? Is it that it expires after a certain number of years?

I remember a few years ago I made the statement that I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted with church life, but I’m still here.

Well … multiply that first feeling by 100 and see and feel how I do at this point, particularly when I feel like I am standing alone in the wilderness with no support from the people that I supposedly lead.

I know that we are now grown and that commitments will change with age and status, as well as the advent of additional responsibilities, but have we not one measly hour to spend with the Lord?

Sigh…