Sunday, January 18, 2009


I have always professed that there is a thin line between being a Christian and being stupid, and for the most part I have stayed on the right side of that line, choosing to be a fool only for God.

I have now discovered another line. This is the one between being understanding and fed up, and it is becoming apparent that the tip of my shoe is firmly on that line and sliding slowly into FED-UP-NESS.

As the leader of a ministry at my church I have heard and seen it all. The thing is that I have been involved with this ministry for over half of my life, save two years when I wanted nothing to do with anything remotely Catholic – so we are looking at approximately twenty-four years of service.

I sometimes wonder if I am some sort of mutant being because I tend to put this service before other things whether I am leader or not. I don’t attend most functions – family or otherwise – if they are set on Sundays. I try to be back from the inevitable meeting or brunch in time to be rested and refreshed for 5pm when I am due to be at the church. It is rare that an ailment keeps me from where I need to be.

I’m not saying this in an attempt to make myself look better than anyone else – far from it because believe you me I ain’t no saint. I am saying this however in an attempt to somehow understand the behavioral patterns of some of the members of my ministry who seem to have no problem putting everything and everyone else before the commitment that they have VOLUNTARILY made, and why is it that they have a hard time understanding that I am pissed off at the end of the day when I have no musicians or voices.

Hence my question – WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BE FED UP??

Is it okay when I have people calling me at the 99.9th hour to tell me that they are stuck in the ‘back of beyond’ with no ride in site? Did they ever intend to be present in the first place?

Is it okay when I get to the church and I decide to call people to inquire as to their whereabouts and I am then nonchalantly told “Oh – sorry – ah cyah make it”?

Is it okay when I am pulled on the carpet and rakes over the coals by priest and parishioner alike about the inconsistencies of my ministry and what do I intend to do about it as LEADER?

Is it that I must be long suffering because I am the leader? Do I smile and grin outwardly when inside I am boiling?

When am I allowed to honestly express my lack of enthusiasm with a group that seems to function at their convenience and not as prescribed?

Is it okay to say that I currently lead a phantom group of ever disappearing members?

How do I make my feelings known to a people whoa re never around? Is it that I need to email them?

Why is it that someone always has to be called before they can say that they will not be there?

What happened to the commitment to serve? Is it that it expires after a certain number of years?

I remember a few years ago I made the statement that I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted with church life, but I’m still here.

Well … multiply that first feeling by 100 and see and feel how I do at this point, particularly when I feel like I am standing alone in the wilderness with no support from the people that I supposedly lead.

I know that we are now grown and that commitments will change with age and status, as well as the advent of additional responsibilities, but have we not one measly hour to spend with the Lord?


No comments: