STASIS...

That place where souls sit and wait For the last few miles to fade before Their dreams come true That corner of the desert where mirages appear Taking your focus away from the goal at hand Mirages that offer sinfully, delightful promises Promises that you know are impossible to keep But promises that reach your soul none the less The people who suck the energy out of your dreams And the bed where you lay the now empty shells In the hopeless hope that they would spring to life Again That place in the mind where you have put yourself Through your constant inaction From your ever present lethargy Caused by your doubt Fed by your indifference Borne of your fear Fear of all that is Imperative… The need for change which happens through Movement Caused by faith Pushed by knowledge That the only constant is The same change And change of all --- Mind-set, atmosphere, surroundings, ALL THINGS All of the things that have Kept you were you are Swimming in the stagnant ooze Of a swamp called Stasis

MAY 24, 2011 - ONE YEAR AFTER ... HOW YUH FEEL?

I chose the title for this blog without giving much thought to the fact that I have an infamously short fuse; not to mention a way-too-low tolerance for bullshit.

How do I feel --- REALLY?? The first words that spring to mind are … “WHAT??? YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT???!”, so incredulous is the question. The person who asks this has honestly been living under a huge-ass rock for a year.

NYEH NYEH – I TOLD YOU SO…
In a way, I feel vindicated. I said that no good would come of this holy People’s Partnership alliance and so far, no good has.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is that promises were their supposed future and broken promises are their present. There are thousands of citizens who are now mumbling and grumbling as they wonder why they signed on with the party in power – particularly the public servants and the people once employed by the CPEP programme. These are the people that they wooed, wined and dined with promises of higher wages, of job security, of integration into the services, of nests feathered with an endless supply of monetary goodies. They promised milk and honey and delivered cardboard and charcoal.

“COME CELEBRATE OUR YEAR OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS!”
Uhhhh … hello!!! What accomplishments?? You have done nothing more than take the credit for plans, projects and policies already in train; and not only have you taken the credit, you’ve been petty as hell about it. A prime example of same would be the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Powder Magazine Walk Over – the one with the elevators and ramps on both sides. This was the brainchild of then Minister of Works, Hon. Colm Imbert, yet JACK-IN-THE-BOX cuts the ribbon and does not deem it fit to invite Mr Imbert because as JACKASS-BOY puts it “H-h-h-h-e-e take t-t-tooo long!” PETTINESS!!!

The project is not … WAS not yours to take the glory for. It has been the same cry nationwide. None of your ideas have been original, so basically you’re doing stitches for another surgeon’s operation, Drs. Dread.

Mr Panday was brilliantly precise when he described the PP Government as FUNCITONAL, because that’s all you’ve been doing – going to functions; that and increasing your frequent flyer miles.

I BEEN HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE…
Must be nice travelling every other week, especially when you don’t have to pay. Why should you when there are so many giving taxpayers to rob … I mean rely on. It’s gotta be good being the PM – or one of her ministers/friends/family members/dog/cat/parakeet/hairdresser/stylists/side piece … cuz you know you’ll eventually get a trip or a hundred to somewhere. It must be great turning up in some foreign land or another, showing off your entourage – all under the guise of seeking the country’s interest. I’m sure that I’m not the only one awaiting the arrival of all of these supposed foreign investors for Trini … and I mean new ones, not the ones already courted by the former regime and the ones who were already putting ideas into action and landing on our shores. So yeah … you’re the ONLY one believing your hype.

HOW DO I REALLY FEEL??!
As a nation we feel hoodwinked, bamboozled, duped and run amok upon.

Personally I’M MAD AS HELL. Everyone who had a yellow t-shirt, some doubt and a voice went the way of CHANGE. Yeah we got change alright. We had a dollar and we changed it for five cents. Right now it looks as if we are still owed four of those five. Some of the newly disenchanted are attempting to soothe their wounds by saying that it wasn’t change but EXCHANGE.

BULLSHIT

This was not exchange, by any rate. Yes we had mismanagement, but dammit, it was manageable. There were instances of nepotism, but not like this. Crime existed and has always been a problem, but not on SO HIGH a level – and yes the rate is high, not matter how they attempt to doctor the headlines. There are crimes being committed and people being killed that are not being reported in a nasty attempt to drive the figures down. Racism is at an all time high, but hey … we’re alright – right???!

I am sick to my stomach as I watch my country unravel at its jagged seams.

We are sitting on a powder keg people. Wake up and smell the Johnny Walker Double Black and Grey Goose flavored coffee – a mixture that leaves a stench of vomit, greed, sex, lies, innuendo and ‘other’ unholy alliances behind.

Change? Yeah … change for the worst, alright …

Exchange? OH HELL NO!!! Not by along shot!!!

Are you prepared to deal with this particularly nightmarish scenario for another four years???

Be honest with yourself … a year has passed – how do YOU feel??!

Ah gorne!!!

Truly Loving Me...

For centuries we had been taught that the proclamation of love of self was egotistical and taboo. Today however, we find ourselves in a place where we are told that it’s okay to be a little selfish for self, and to shout it from mountain tops.

My take on it? Everything in moderation.

That being said, I really do believe that we cannot love ourselves enough.

One of the things that I have encountered with fellow full figured women is that we put off loving ourselves until we get to ‘that point’ or ‘that size’. The message that needs to be heard is that we must love ourselves in our current skins … love yourself for the beautiful, vital, intelligent, sensual and sexy woman that you are. There is really no need to wait to love you! It’s YOU after all. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? The only entity that loves us unconditionally is God, and we are supposed to be perfect in His eyes, and we really are not – not by a long shot. So if He loves us the way we are, why then can’t we just follow His lead?

Love yourself enough to get over the hurdles that you face, particularly those that have to do with self image. Every imperfection is precious; every pound worth loving enough to be released (I know that sounds funny but bear with me).

I always recall the words of a particular boyfriend who, bless his heart, was trying to make me feel better about being a big girl, when I was particularly down. He said “You’re not fat … there’s just more of you to love.” At the time I giggled through my tears and kissed him my thanks. I have been grateful through the years for those words.

How many of us really look at ourselves in the mirror? Most of us are experts at looking only at what is and when necessary. We skip over the arms, and bellies, and thighs … it’s too painful to watch for many of us. What we NEED to do is take a good, long look at the goddesses that we are and look at the thighs and bellies and full boobs and appreciate our sized sexiness, because we ARE sexy!

Then and only then can we see where the changes that we sometimes crave can be made. And please, don’t aspire to be skinny; aspire to be HEALTHY.

I am 55lbs away from my goal weight and I know that with hard work, God’s grace and - Lord help me (:D) - Lee, I will get there! And it’s all about being healthy, because I know I will never be skinny … nor do I want to be.

I love my boobs and hips and butt; I just know that the extra weight isn’t ideal for me, however ‘comfortable’ it may seem to be. So basically, I love me enough to get up and get moving on my journey…

Thanks my take,
The Changeling.

Well, Look at What HapPENed ...

“What a scent, what a scent, what a scent … the smell of the summer of our discontent…” David Rudder, The Savagery.

I suppose the thing to say today is that the writing is on the wall and that the people have spoken.

That would be the thing to say, but I am still unable to say it. I can’t say it because there are things that I have been privy to in the last few days that have left the stench of desperation and degradation clinging to my clothing.

The naive amongst us continue to parrot the words that “this election was not about race but about change.” The sad thing is that even though it was PROVEN – via print and electronic media that it was indeed about race, and not in a good way, the persisted.

I could go on here to quote chapter and verse, but at this time, the point is mute.

What I will say is that I sincerely hope that the new PM … and by that I mean PUPPET MASTER … remembers:

- That they have to deliver on every single campaign promise
- That the promised pay cut will be THEIRS and not that of the civil servants who blindly followed them down the yellow brick road
- That Trinidad and Tobago has an positive international presence – one that has been fought for, reconstructed after the former UNC regime and won back
- That although it is in their inner sanctum the time for ‘them’ to rise, that they need to remember that ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE put their misguided trust in them, therefore they would need to look after EVERYBODY’S welfare

On the other hand, I sincerely hope that the ones who blithely followed the Pied Piper down this particular road of ‘RISING’ would remain watchful and remember the following:

- That they promised an increase in old age pensions, nevermind the detrimental cost to the country
- That your children will soon no longer have the benefit of free tertiary education, so you had better have your ‘dollars’ put aside for the dollar for dollar tertiary level plan
- That the free lunches for elementary level students will soon become a thing of the past
- That your CDAP is about to go bye-bye
- That you have now ushered in the possibility of legal abortions in a country that has NEVER considered such

My grandmother and other elders had one word that they would repeat whenever we of the younger generation would do something that was doomed to cause us pain and failure. They would look us in the eye and say “Tanto, Tanto” while shaking their heads from side to side. Basically they were telling us that all we had to do was sit back and wait for the consequences of our insipid actions. So, I say it now to you … Tanto, Tanto; and if you still don’t get it, then, Bam-bye … me go tell yuh.

In the end I will continue to say God bless our Nation, and I will pray and invite you to pray for peace, common sense, patience, foresight and hindsight, particularly hindsight, since rumour has it that it is perfect 20/20 vision.

The pen rests here … trust though that she will indeed be back…

IT'S MY PEN & I'LL WRITE IF I WANT TO ...

The Silly Season is upon us and some of us are now way past Silly and have sailed swiftly into Insipid Village.

I refer to some of the goings on of the various so-called political parties. It would seem that it is true that any jackass with an ideology and a ‘dream’ can jump in and form a party. Okay – fine … but are these parties ‘All-Inclusive’ or are they gearing strictly towards one and only one goal?

If you were to speak to any of the leaders of these political fetes, they would say to you that their main concern is GOOD GOVERNANCE FOR ALL, but the TRUE and thinly veiled agenda is the REMOVAL of the CURRENT LEADERSHIP.

What’s funny is that if you ask the ‘NEW’ leaders what their plan is, they say promptly “Remove P MANNING from the helm of this country with IMMEDIATE effect!” Go on to ask “Okay – what next?” You would notice the silent and distinct pause. That is because the majority of them haven’t thought that far ahead – they just know they want control and power. ‘SILLINESS’.

What’s your plan? How are you going to fix what you believe the Government has messed up? Has it occurred to you that Trinbagonians are better off than many of our Caribbean brothers and sisters? Did you know that senior citizens in America, Canada and other parts of the world do not receive pension payments at the end of the month from the Government, but ours do? Are you aware that the majority of them live on the pensions that they MAY have been lucky enough to contribute to and/or Social Security checks, and that a social security check and NOTHING are practically the same thing???

There are questions that I need to have answered for, and I need them from the various members of the Public Political.

So … here’s my list beginning with :~

The Pipe Queen …

- Why should I trust you with the public purse when ‘the lining of one’s pockets as well as those of friends and family” was the order of the day under your party’s previous incarnation – one of which you were a card carrying member and party to?
- How can I trust you to look after education when the hallmark of your stint as Minister of Education were:~
o The opening of a school above a rum shop (bar)
o The cessation of corporal punishment – which gave rise to a generation of bullies with no respect for authority and the law, who grew up to become career criminals
o The “Chicken Licken” school phenomenon – where students who received low scores in the common entrance/SEA examinations were stored like cattle in ‘schools’ that boasted such challenging reading as “Learn to tell Time” and “Chicken Little”. This, I am sure you will remember, saw to it that we raised a generation of people with no self-pride … people who were convinced that there was no hope fore them --- fodder for the URP and CPEP programs.
o The secret opening, staffing and populating of the first campus of the Trinidad and Tobago Institute of Technology exclusively with people of East Indian decent.
o The closure of all youth camps across the country. Did you know that a youth camp was not only a place of incarceration for juvenile delinquents, but also a place where the young, struggling but ambitious could take themselves to in order to learn a trade and relevant life skills? Did you even care???
o The stopping of all OJT (On the Job Training) programs which allowed the youth to gain the relevant EXPERIENCE needed to further themselves in the working world
o The human and material resource starvation of the San Fernando and John Donaldson Technical Institutes, so that they became basically haunted shells, causing a generation of young people to have nowhere to turn in order to earn degrees in studies such as Design, Electronics, Electrical Skills, etc.
- Why should I dare to place myself and my loved ones in your hands when all that you see is the need for Power, not to EXECUTE LEADERSHIP? There is a HUGE difference here.
- How am I supposed to take you seriously when your greed for Power has sent you down the road of supposed Unity? You have joined forces with a bunch of people whom in the past you have SAID you don’t respect – inclusive of the motley crew of supposed labour leaders. You spewed venom at the bubble headed grey-headed weakling who leads a party whose deputy political leader scoffs at this supposed unity. Is it that you honestly believe us to be blind, dumb and forgetful??? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder could see that this is a white wash.

You have surrounded yourself with individuals whom you believe can make enough noise with smoke and mirrors so as to deflect the populous’ eyes and thoughts from the issues at hand.

EPYC PHAYLE!

Now ... I am not saying that what has transpired at times with the present regime has all been glorious and clear … it hasn’t. Yes, there are glaring instances of inaccuracy, stupidity, payola and the tendency to turn a blind eye and an empty head to what is directly under one’s nose, and it seems to be a particular affliction of the PM. At this point I am very comfortable with the notion of re-electing the PARTY and changing the LEADER – maybe it’s time for Patos’ to take five and to let the ‘DOGS’ out and see what they can do!

By the same token anyone with a brain that has some firing synapse left would know that the current regime has accomplished a ton more than your fly by night band of thieves have. Note that it has ALWAYS been like that. Yes, as the Former president said many years ago on one YOUR joint political platforms, “Everybody ‘tief”, but it is obvious that more has been done with the public purse than was done under your former regime.

People bitch, moan and complain – it is their right to do so. It is also a right that people are taught that as a nation, MORE of us are employed than in other islands. You have encouraged John Public to raise hell about the buildings being constructed … let me ask you this. Should your 5-headed monster succeed (HEAVEN FORBID) do you think that Patos’ is going to break them down like so many Lego bricks and take them with him? Do you think that he is going to dig the Official Prime Minister’s residence up and plant it in the back yard of his private home?

Have you even listened to how stupid – yes STUPID - and uninformed some of your arguments are??? What’s going to happen if your BewilderedBeast pulls this off and labour forms a part of the Executive? What are you going to say to your backers who come out of the Retail, Service, Manufacturing and Industrial sectors? Are you going to block the increase of the minimum wage? I won’t even bother to ask about the inclusion of the bald-headed ox-like moron … will you be able to control her stupidity that springs eternal and effervescent with the coming of each Gibbous Moon??? Best of frickin’ luck with that one!

As for me and my house … we will have none to do with you and your ilk.

Yes there are things that need to be changed and fixed within the ruling party … that’s call evolution. But by the gods, there is no room for you and your monster. You are not ready – no matter what your US-based strategist says … no matter how much you transform yourself into ‘U.S.-POLITIC-WOMAN-A-TRON’ … morphing into HILLARY MICHELLE RODHAM CLINTON OBAMA – with the haircuts, suits and Sarah Palin-esque lapel pins. That ain’t nothing but window dressing and it so does not ring true!

The Pen pauses here … but she’ll be back soon!

Trouble in Haiti?? WOW! I'm SHOCKED!!!

Ever since the earthquake took place last Tuesday, people have been declaring shock and horror over the devastation that has been experienced and is still being experienced by the people of that battered and torn country.

What stays with me is the shock and awe in the voices of the speakers. Why? Because just as it has been declared that ‘there is nothing new under the sun’, the same can most definitely be said about out ‘bastard’ sister Haiti.

My words may sound harsh, but hear me out…

Haiti is basically the ‘outside chile’ of the Caribbean that we all forget about until there is an appropriate photo-op. We all behave as if Haiti does not exist until the next ‘official’ disaster.

I have been exposed to the horrors of daily life in Haiti since my teen years when one of our priests, Fr John ‘T’, or Fr Haiti as he is affectionately known, set up a slide show at our Parish during a youth retreat, to show us how luck and privileged we were to live the lives we did and do in Trinidad. That was over 25 years ago, and even then, the horrors were not new. Yet, we persist in acting surprised each time Haiti’s rumblings erupt into something that can no longer be contained out of our consciousness.

I recall the sentimentality and verve of my youth, when I collected clothing and cans for my fellow Caribbean peoples, hoping that this time would be the time when peace and order would be restored.

Forgive my now jaded adult existence, and I’m usually warm, fuzzy and sympathetic, but I too have fallen prey to the images that have been coming out of Haiti over the past few years – images of a people who can’t even get along with each other long enough to make a change and make it work … a people so taken over by loathing – of self (country) and others that they despise the very offers of aid, and yet they complain that the world has forgotten them.

Common images of the Haitian experience - the children, the palace, the voodoo ...







Haiti should have been the Caribbean nation that we all looked up to. This is a country that was independent and ruled by a black man in the 1800’s, back when many a black man was indeed still a slave on this side of the pond. Instead, it has become the poster child for the old adage ‘Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. This was brought home to me in living colour the other afternoon while I looked at the ‘disaster’ coverage and was yet again appalled to see cutlass (machete) wielding men and women running the streets of Port au Prince in an attempt to loot foodstuff from supermarkets, all the while threatening the lives of those who were unarmed, and who might have gotten there before them.

As a country you are devastated … you infrastructure is shot … foreign aid is having a hell of a time getting to you. Many of you are unsure as to the life status of your family members, yet you find the time to fight and kill each other over a can of soup? Pardon my naïveté but this sort of thing doesn’t exactly endear me to the cause, yet I will press on.

Tuesday’s Newsday (newspaper) greeted me with the sight of a looter being dragged naked through the streets – a rope around his ankles while being bludgeoned by a bystander using a block of wood. Why???

Last weekend we were all up in arms when Pat Robertson of the American evangelical Bible-belt declared that the problems that seem to be a recurring decimal in Haiti occurred because the nation had made a pact with the devil to get out from under colonial rule.

So Pat Robertson is really not my favorite person, and yes, we all gasped and mouthed the words ‘HOW DARE HE’, while we pumped our fists in righteous indignation, but believe you me, I KNOW we all in the back of our psyches did some quick math and wondered …

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that a pact was made with the devil, but I would sadly acknowledge that a country that has been known for centuries as the Seat of Voodoo and Black Magic in the Caribbean – well … one wonders…

Please do not misunderstand me – far be it for me to sit in judgment over anyone, particularly since it would appear that the ‘younger generation’ of my own island republic seems to have lost their patience, so much so that I feel like I live in the Wild, Wild West! What I am saying is that the attitudes and behavior of a nation can sometimes make it a tad difficult for onlookers to be sympathetic.

My own opinion is that the key to saving what is left of Haiti is to save the little ones, and that seems to be the way that most of the international agencies are going. No, I am not saying that the adults need to be left behind to die. I am saying that the up and coming generation can still be molded into loving supportive people, who see each other in a way that allows for dialogue, good will and support in times of peace, and conflict.

So I believe in fairy tales – so what???! But if we don’t save the little ones, what is going to happen? Are we doomed to see repeat after repeat of the same ill-made horror movie until we get it right?

Someone in their own wisdom said to me that destruction is a means of ensuring change … I have lost count as to what number ‘do over’ this is for Haiti, but I feel that THIS is the one that NEEDS to be taken seriously.

Having said all that I just have, and in the face of an after-shock this morning of a magnitude of 6.0, I ask still for your continued prayers and support – monetarily and otherwise – for the people of Haiti. They are for a fact out brothers and sisters. They are a part of the Caribbean and an integral part of our diasporic experience.

Do what you can and then … do some more!

Thanks.

The Star That Went Nova ...

On Tuesday morning I said goodbye to an era. I am also forced to admit now that I also said goodbye to a mentor.

Astra Da Costa wasn’t only a mentor for me; if many of the young women who worked under her tutelage are honest, they would also admit that she left many a mark on their lives. Yes, some of the marks were negative, but there were positive ones too.

I’ve always said that AMPLE was a hell of a training ground for me. I think I learnt most of what I know in that formerly beautiful white building at the corner of Grey Street and Tragarete Road (I never understood the need to paint that majestic white building Vomit Pink!)

I sat in the church on Tuesday and allowed my mind to travel back in time. I went back to meetings and conversations that I had inadvertently deemed unnecessary, and as I replayed some of these instances, I realized that in her rather indirect but direct way, (trust me, that makes sense … this is after all the woman who coined ‘hurry slowly’) Astra had left the seeds of social responsibility and the need to be a part of something bigger than self with me.

I guess – having destroyed many a draft since I began writing this – all I really want to say is Thank You Astra for sharing some of your knowledge with us, for molding us into the strong, opinionated, independent, caring, careful yet reckless women that we are today. I, for sure, have learnt to laugh at myself, to appreciate every stately curve that I own … not to mention that I have now perfected the art of power dressing!

We’ve learnt to appreciate the love of family and good friends. We have also learnt to appreciate every second of time gifted to us and allow us to joke that this is because we NEVER had any time while we labored at AMP’s … but we appreciate it nonetheless.

Rest well ADC, because you’ve earned it, and please, whatever you do, DO NOT attempt to tell God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit or St Peter how to do their jobs or how to make Heaven more efficient --- It’s JUST NOT DONE! May I suggest some time in the choir loft??? You always did say that you missed singing.

Go with God, Auntie Astra!

ELEVATE YOUR MIND AND FREE YOUR SOUL IN THE NEW YEAR…

As we approach the end of another year, we are once again faced with the challenge of preparing for what lies ahead.

Many of us have made life-changing decisions over the past twelve months – some easily and others that required a lot of soul searching and prayer; even counseling in some cases. There are those of us who have continued to exist and not live, as well as the others who have lived so hard that they are now unsure as to what the next move may be.

The 31st of December in every year can sometimes rain dread into the hearts of some of us mortals because this it usually the time when we promise ourselves and others the moon and the stars in the realm of self modification … we are apt to generate a list of lofty ‘pie-in-the-sky’ ideals and projects, that we know we are not going to attempt. Some of us know this even as we set about writing said lists down.

Last year I made the statement that I was going to make revolutions and not resolutions, and I was able to start a couple revolutions in my life and in the lives of a few that are near and dear to me.

This year I want to make a suggestion for those of us who have finally decided that we are ready to free ourselves of our baggage.

This is an exercise called THE FIRE OF FORGETFULNESS. The premise behind it is that all of the things that you would want to leave behind – bad habits, old lovers, deadweight friendships, former coworkers and bosses – whatever it is that may be eating at your core, you cast into the flames and release them forever. It may be a barbeque pit, a coal-pot, a fireplace … whatever it is that you can get your hands on; make your list as honestly as you can and then after asking your Higher Source and Power for the strength to leave all these things behind, you cast the list into the Fire of Forgetfulness and attempt to begin the year afresh and renewed, knowing that you have put all that may have ailed you, rubbed your spirit raw or even affected the way that you interacted with the ones you love has been cast into the flames of love and renewal.

I would go on to suggest that this be done on New Year’s Eve at some point. Those of us who are able to complete this at midnight should do so … if it has to be done in the day then so be it, but just get it done!

Finally I wish all of you all the best for the coming New Year. I wish you all of your heart’s desires, as well as all that the Master may have planned for you.

Be blessed my loves…