HIS EYES ...

I looked into his eyes
And I got lost …
Happily lost in their depths
Lost in the restful pools
That allow him access to my soul
He can see into me with those eyes
And he doesn’t even have to try
I can see myself in his eyes too
I watch, fascinated, as I fall
Deeper and deeper into his eyes
Deeper and deeper into him

He holds my gaze
And keeps my attention
In such a way that
I forget who may have
Squatted here before
Happily lost am I in
The cool assurance of his stare
Warmed by the dark lava like
Center orbs that into me see
I feel the heat on my face
As we silently explore our new intimacy

He pulls me in with
Those tractor beams
I’m swimming … going
Further than I need to but
Who cares…
I want to be need to him
To be totally mesmerized
By the cool heat
Of his eyes…

16 DIFFERENT WAYS TO SUNDAY ...

So here it is, I’m at the start again, and trying to make sense of this crazy lil thing hat shall remain nameless.

I know that people believe that they are being helpful. I know that they think that wisdom is the thing that I crave. What they don’t get is that the thing I need most is CONSISTENCY… and I need it in all things, particularly in things concerning MY HEART.

I’m constantly being told to turn myself around – as in reinvent myself. Everyone knows PRECISELY what’s right for me, and it’s all conflicting.

Be forthcoming … be mysterious; tell him what’s on your mind … don’t say anything; be shy … be bold…

WTF??! There’s only one of me; yet everyone is trying to break me into tiny little pieces. Am I really that naïve? Is it that the life I’ve led in the past forty-odd years has really left me so cloistered and unprepared for the world?

I don’t think that I’m seeking the impossible, and I don’t believe that I’m being unreasonable. I require very little to keep me happy … I want respect, trust, love, affection, honesty … consistency. I could demand these things, but I don’t. I TRUST that the man who wants to be with me will willingly give these things and give them abundantly.

It is still amazing for me to have to realize that as a WOMAN, I’m the one who has to bend myself 16 different ways to Sunday to please the male of the species. Question is, who is bending himself into knots and twists just to keep me happy? And is he going to do so willingly and be patient while I figure out what it is I really need?

Should you be strolling through town and you find one or more of these gems, would you kindly send him way? The fact is that I have found one of them … he just doesn’t know how wonderful he Is as yet … but he will! (Wink, wink)

BE FREE … FREE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT YOUR HAPPINESS.

It’s the strangest thing but I’ve just discovered – well not really JUST – but discovered nonetheless that we are sometimes so chained to the idea of being melancholy that we can actually fear our awaiting happiness.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun, and I know that someone else has already had the particular AHA! Moment, yet it is quite amazing to me that so many of us live in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

A prime example is my relationship record. I don’t love easily, but when I do love I love hard. As a result I have sat idly by and watched myself get taken advantage of, all in the name of L-O-V-E. There have been a couple of instances when I have overextended myself and taken the stories given to me to heart in order for me to give and give and give of my best, while I received crumbs in return. Nevertheless I pressed forward, sure and assured that the love was there and it would grow.

As we say in local parlance – SALT! That is what I was presented with in the end … salt. Recently, I took myself out of a particular equation and finally admitted that I was constantly being sucker punched. Therefore the decision was finally and clearly made that I needed to save ME. The one who was constantly showered with my affection, effort, understanding, absolution … this same one who gave nothing but fragments in return, has been set free to sit in his proverbial pile of filth … toxic baby mama and all … thereby freeing me to explore the other options that were being presented to me.

This is where it gets interesting. Not only was I being shown another way to be with and around a grown man who behaves like one and was and is showing me the interest and affection that one should expect, here I was … waiting for the other shoe to drop. I find myself looking for and hoping to find phantoms that would give justification to the way that I felt. There had to be something wrong hidden somewhere and I was going to find it dammit!

The sad thing is that I spent so much time looking for what wasn’t there that I almost missed the boat completely. That’s when it dawned that I needed to free myself from all of the paraphernalia of the past and allow myself to be free enough to accept my happiness and everything that goes with it.

It sounds like an insurmountable task … it also sound like some sort of twisted chicken soup for the soul, but it isn’t. The key to this freedom is knowing that as a child of the Most High, happiness is a given. Worry is a learnt habit. We’re not born to worry, but we gain the knowledge from those around us. Worry is particularly fascinating for the female of the species, but I digress.

Give yourself permission to laugh and smile and enjoy things genuinely.

The good things are all pre-ordained. The nasty little surprises along the way are the things that we manifest via worry, doubt and distrust.

Bless UP!

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION??? YOU BETCHA YEAH!!!

TIS THE SEASON Y’ALL!! GIVE A BOOK FOR CHRISTMAS…

If you’re in Trinidad and Tobago, I’ll even autograph it when you get it – just hit me up!

here are the links:

At Last: www.amazon.com

Whispers Within: www.lulu.com

or contact me – wooziejee@yahoo.com

TODAY IS THE BEGINNING OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES...

This was posted on another site on October 01, 2010, but it's still relevant. Enjoy ...

It has been said that God’s greatest creation is woman, because she can bring forth life. Women, nurture, birth, feed, love, spoil, and generally form the world that we all share. I am proud to be one of those magnificent creations, and I always have been. Even as a child, I somehow thought myself a little above those other creatures … yuh know them and we love them – MEN!  But I digress.

Today is a day to celebrate my sisterhood in a real way. Today we take the time to think about all of the ones who have gone before, who fought the fight – some won and others lost. Today we stand up yet again in our fight against Brest Cancer.

I long to see the day when those pretty pink ribbons can be folded in a different way, so as to commemorate that day when breast cancer, indeed ALL cancer, has been eradicated from the earth.

In a time when we seem to be damned if we do and damned if we don’t on so many cancer fighting levels, it is still important for us to realize and celebrate the fact that we are not alone. Gone are the days when talking about this disease seemed to be so taboo and discussion could only be held behind firmly closed doors. We need to remember that we are free to stand up and shout out that we’re not going to be ignored … that this is IMPORTANT to us and our daughters and the rest of our families … that life NEEDS to go on with or without us.

For the past few decades we have been putting our faith in the medical practitioners and scientists as we live in constant hope for change and cure. The medicines have improved yes, but there’s so much that is yet to be done.

Today I am thankful on behalf of the families of survivors … of the ones who have had near misses … and even of the ones who have gone on to another plane. For those who survive and have had near misses, the experience of Breast Cancer cultivates a new form of strength of character and resolve. Finding that one is faced with this particular challenge opens up new doors and windows, inclusive of the ones that we were hoping to keep tightly shut. Cancer is unfortunately the great equalizer, bringing us to one level – that level being that of desperate hope. The ones who have passed over from this life are the strongest. They have had to be strong for themselves and for their families. They came to a place of resolution and then they spent what was left of their time in our presence, attempting to shore us up and give us hope. They admonished us to not make their mistakes, and to live our lives to the fullest. In the end we mourn, but it is likely that many of us mourn not just the loss of that loved one but we also mourn the loss of their sense of direction, their silent strength, even their pain, for in their pain, they were still with us.

We mourn for ourselves too, wondering how we can go on, and of course, asking God why.

We, as an Army of Women are admonished to get involved, to stand up and be counted and to ensure that all that can be done and must be done will indeed be done in the names of the ones who have lost. We all have our weaknesses but we also have our strengths. Every little bit helps- from the pink lids on yogurt, to the purchasing of anything bearing the pink ribbon logo, to organizing events, to signing legislation – WHATEVER IT TAKES! It is our destiny and our mission in life to make sure that all that can be done is done to ensure the eradication of this disease.

There are stories that need to be told and we are the ones to tell them. There are books to be written and read and we need to be the ones to read them out loud.

Today I CHOOSE to focus on the positivity that has come out of the strides that are constantly being made in the battle against breast cancer … in fact against ALL cancers. Today I congratulate the pioneers of science and medicine who do their thing on a daily basis to ensure that soon this too will be a disease of the past.

Today is a good day – in fact it is a great day … because today is the beginning of the rest of our lives!

THE RESIGNATION OF A MOTHER CONFESSOR

I am tired …
Tired of granting absolution
For the actions that you perceive to be correct
I am tired of drying the tears
Of the million
While the tears of the one – mine – go unnoticed
I am so fed up
Fed up with the ones who have
And believe and act that they have not
I am so scarred
By the ones who take and take and take
And forget that it’s okay to give
I have had it up to here there and every fuckin where
With people who walk into my presence
Eyes wide shut
And see only themselves reflected in my eyes and spirit
Yet they never stop to see if I need to be heard
Why have I been given all of this love
If not to share it with someone who is there for ME
In the same way that I am there for them
Is it that I am unworthy of being loved in return?
Did that nature boy know what the fuck
He was talking about when he declared
All those years ago
That the greatest thing we’d ever learn
Was just to love and be loved in return?
Newsflash … I’m still waiting
Here I sit with my bags packed and with nowhere to go
Because it would seem that the train has left
Me at the station
And do you know why?
Because I was more than likely stuck
In the ladies’ room giving comfort to someone
And it was more than likely
Someone who ran off to catch their own bus!
Has anyone taken the time to really look behind
My supposed smile?
I’m plum tuckered out
From being the training ground where
The males of the species come to find out
What they’ve been doing wrong so that they can
Graduate and move on to their princess brides
For the love of God – leave me some pride
I’m not your sister, your teacher, your buddy your pal …
I have hopes and aspirations too …
Do you even try to see me as I see you?
I’ve lost so much, and at times
It feels that I’ve gained so little
It’s like I’m permanently stuck in the middle
I don’t want to be anyone’s middle passage
I deserve to be someone’s destination
So now I’m handing in my resignation
Mother confessor is taking a respite
Sista Soljah is giving her shoulder a rest
Big sis and lil buddy are both signing off
Excuse me while I go to my corner
And continue to dry my own tears
And maybe … just maybe someone will take the time
And show that they care
And if they don’t – big surprise…
It’s just another day
In my own personal misconstrued paradise…

Journalists, or PENs For Hire ...

I looked with some interest at the headline of today’s Trinidad Guardian, which indicated that there is a mass exodus of media ‘personalities, a.k.a. journalists, all of whom seem to be heading blithely into Governmental service.

Interesting …

Whatever happened to being paragons of virtue and the ‘voice of the people’? what happened to the need to investigate the wrongs and bad habits of the government and all concerned with them – be they contracts, persons of interest, hidden agendas?

Is it that these things are only important when certain people are the targets?

Interesting …

So … apparently now that ‘everything is right with the world’ we have a huge chunk of the media moving in to governmental service … what a bleepin joke!

It is now blatantly obvious that anyone can be bought for a good enough price, even members of the 5th estate.

Case in point: I have been watching with avid interest, along with some of my fellow observers, the interesting goings on and behavior of two PROMINENT members of the current Cabinet. It would seem that some people cannot walk without having their hands held, and others cannot walk without having hands to hold. Be it at the airport, the parliament, public meetings, from one car to the next … these two act like kindergarten buddies. Seeing as how the photographs have been appearing in every single daily and weekend newspaper produced in Trinidad and Tobago, I find it rather strange that nothing has been written about this situation. However, had this been the former Prime Minister’s wife and another member of the former Cabinet, there would have been such a furor brought to life that it would have been heard all the way in North America.

Why the double standard fellas? Where are those investigative minds that you’re all so proud of – the same ones who for the past few years have been reporting blindly and then printing tiny page 1 and 2 apologies for slanderous comments?

Have you now learnt the error of your ways? Or is it that this regime pays better? Inquiring minds want to know.

Has it occurred to any of you ship jumping jokers that you’re following the scent of a dangling carrot in order to keep you silent? Are you aware that you have joined the ranks of the government propaganda machine – the same machine that you raged against, a short few months ago? It just strikes me as passing strange that you’re all willing to become the right hand men and women of this crop of ‘stooges’ but you weren’t willing to do the same for those who went before.

Tell me … how are you going to spend your thirty pieces of silver – the ones who gained when you sold your collective souls and sold out the people who look to you for opinions and advice. Is it that we are all going t have to stay tuned for the Department of Information weekend programming to know what’s going on in sweet T&T?

Dare God I hope not.

To say that I am disappointed is a major understatement. To say that I’m surprised would be a lie.

Tread lightly gents, and know that the people that you will ignore on the way ‘up’ are attached to the same asses that you will have to kiss on the way back down!