My Dear Future Husband...

I found the original of this post on Daily Diva, and I fell madly in love with it. I have edited it to suit me, and I'm positive that any of us reading this can mentally edit it to suit ourselves.

Enjoy!

Dear Future Husband,

I am not a morning person…never have been…never will be, but I do look forward to waking up to you every single morning that The Creator gives us together.

Music is my blood…without it…there is no life…and essentially there is no me.

I am a proud alumnus of the Diego Martin Government Secondary School and I don’t play any game when it comes to trash talking my alma mater. Translation: You don’t want no trouble.

I want you to be the head. There is no “I” in team. Let’s build this house together. I’ve proven that I can do it on my own; I’m ready to do it with you.

I’m perfectly imperfect and wouldn’t change a thing that didn’t need to be changed. Life to me is about infinite possibilities and you learn and grow from mistakes just as you do from blessings.

I need space…but I also need you.

My mouth…can and will get me into trouble. Sometimes I can be misunderstood, but please know my intentions are always good.

God, Loyalty, Trust, Respect, Honesty, Humor…our foundation

I will never take myself too seriously.

I am blessed and honored to be on this journey with you.

I'm here and I’m waiting,
Dee

16 DIFFERENT WAYS TO SUNDAY ...

So here it is, I’m at the start again, and trying to make sense of this crazy lil thing hat shall remain nameless.

I know that people believe that they are being helpful. I know that they think that wisdom is the thing that I crave. What they don’t get is that the thing I need most is CONSISTENCY… and I need it in all things, particularly in things concerning MY HEART.

I’m constantly being told to turn myself around – as in reinvent myself. Everyone knows PRECISELY what’s right for me, and it’s all conflicting.

Be forthcoming … be mysterious; tell him what’s on your mind … don’t say anything; be shy … be bold…

WTF??! There’s only one of me; yet everyone is trying to break me into tiny little pieces. Am I really that naïve? Is it that the life I’ve led in the past forty-odd years has really left me so cloistered and unprepared for the world?

I don’t think that I’m seeking the impossible, and I don’t believe that I’m being unreasonable. I require very little to keep me happy … I want respect, trust, love, affection, honesty … consistency. I could demand these things, but I don’t. I TRUST that the man who wants to be with me will willingly give these things and give them abundantly.

It is still amazing for me to have to realize that as a WOMAN, I’m the one who has to bend myself 16 different ways to Sunday to please the male of the species. Question is, who is bending himself into knots and twists just to keep me happy? And is he going to do so willingly and be patient while I figure out what it is I really need?

Should you be strolling through town and you find one or more of these gems, would you kindly send him way? The fact is that I have found one of them … he just doesn’t know how wonderful he Is as yet … but he will! (Wink, wink)

BE FREE … FREE ENOUGH TO ACCEPT YOUR HAPPINESS.

It’s the strangest thing but I’ve just discovered – well not really JUST – but discovered nonetheless that we are sometimes so chained to the idea of being melancholy that we can actually fear our awaiting happiness.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun, and I know that someone else has already had the particular AHA! Moment, yet it is quite amazing to me that so many of us live in a perpetual state of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

A prime example is my relationship record. I don’t love easily, but when I do love I love hard. As a result I have sat idly by and watched myself get taken advantage of, all in the name of L-O-V-E. There have been a couple of instances when I have overextended myself and taken the stories given to me to heart in order for me to give and give and give of my best, while I received crumbs in return. Nevertheless I pressed forward, sure and assured that the love was there and it would grow.

As we say in local parlance – SALT! That is what I was presented with in the end … salt. Recently, I took myself out of a particular equation and finally admitted that I was constantly being sucker punched. Therefore the decision was finally and clearly made that I needed to save ME. The one who was constantly showered with my affection, effort, understanding, absolution … this same one who gave nothing but fragments in return, has been set free to sit in his proverbial pile of filth … toxic baby mama and all … thereby freeing me to explore the other options that were being presented to me.

This is where it gets interesting. Not only was I being shown another way to be with and around a grown man who behaves like one and was and is showing me the interest and affection that one should expect, here I was … waiting for the other shoe to drop. I find myself looking for and hoping to find phantoms that would give justification to the way that I felt. There had to be something wrong hidden somewhere and I was going to find it dammit!

The sad thing is that I spent so much time looking for what wasn’t there that I almost missed the boat completely. That’s when it dawned that I needed to free myself from all of the paraphernalia of the past and allow myself to be free enough to accept my happiness and everything that goes with it.

It sounds like an insurmountable task … it also sound like some sort of twisted chicken soup for the soul, but it isn’t. The key to this freedom is knowing that as a child of the Most High, happiness is a given. Worry is a learnt habit. We’re not born to worry, but we gain the knowledge from those around us. Worry is particularly fascinating for the female of the species, but I digress.

Give yourself permission to laugh and smile and enjoy things genuinely.

The good things are all pre-ordained. The nasty little surprises along the way are the things that we manifest via worry, doubt and distrust.

Bless UP!

Reasoning ...

Give me one good reason
Why I shouldn’t let you
Have your way …
Just leave you to celebrate
And fete your self pity
Tell me why I should
Bother to care enough
To want you to snap
The hell out of this
Foul funk
The stench of which
Is evident for miles around…
Has it occurred to you
In the midst of your wallow
That you are hurting me
When you hurt yourself?
Explain it to me…
Make me understand…
Help me make sense of
Your need to hurt yourself
Your yen for constantly wandering
Back to the people, places and things
That you intrinsically know
Will bring you pain…
Why do you believe yourself
To be so unworthy of the
Beauty that awaits you?
You are worthy –
You deserve the good
In this world, just as I do
You deserve me
As I deserve you
We deserve the love
The trust, the commitment
The happiness…
The Life that sits and
Waits in Limbo while you
Decide in a vacuum about
Your worthiness
Do you honesty believe
That I would waste
All that I was born to give
On a man unworthy
Of my treasure?
If it be so in your mind
You must not think much of yourself
And even less about me
And that right there is a shame!
Climb out of the hole
That you’ve dug yourself
And rejoin the rest of the living
Give yourself the chance
To love and to be loved in
The way that you deserve
The way that only I can love you
In just the same way that
I was destined to love you
Fighting has its place
And when done right it’s a wonder!
So darling if fight you must
Then fight --- but just
Remember to fight with all
You have in you
For us and not against us…

My Heart, My Valentine...

You are my Heart, my Valentine
These are the words that I long
To say to you –
Not just in my heart, but out loud
Where the world can hear …
Your heart is timid, so afraid of being hurt –
Yet again
By one of my sex …
Just as I have a hard time
Believing the words that
Erupt from the mouths
Of members of yours …
Yet I am willing to leap
With you
Be my Valentine, my Heart
Let me be all that I can be
For and with you
Open wide the door that keeps your heart
Away from me
Let me into the corridors of your being
In the same way that you
Are able to wander mine …
I love you --- it’s that simple …
And yet so complicated
Take the chance and walk with me
Away from the mamas and the dramas
I know it feels like I’m asking for the world
Right now
But I’m not …
I’m asking you
To leap into your own happiness …
I know the time will come
When you will walk
Freely into my arms
And I will always welcome you
Until then …
Know that I love you
My precious Valentine
And I’m glad that
You are indeed Mine!

Once ...

Once I wandered
In the Desert of
My own Lonely Heart …
Once I sat on the
Edge of the Lake
Of Sorrow and Tears
Convinced that there
Was nothing written
In the Book of
Happiness for me …

I made my peace
Longed no more for a piece
Of the Joy that I
Recognized in others

Then you appeared
On my horizon
With a Smile that
Inspired Laughter
And Laughter that
Brought the Dormant
To Life
You saw through me –
You saw ME.
You Heard me
And yet you Listened
You Dared me to
Take a Chance –
Just once …

I Wondered
I Meditated
I Procrastinated
And you Knew …
You Watched me
As I put my toe
Into the water – daring
To make a move –
Just once …

You made me Look
At myself through your eyes
And amazed I was
To see myself as
Beautiful and vibrant …
Sexy and sexual
A woman alive –
For once …


You are the Sun
In my Shine
You gave me what I needed
To peel away the shell
That once protected my Heart, my Me
My Being

You’ve shared yourself with me
And let me do the same with you

I love you
Not for any particular reason
But for all the silly reasons
That make me love you more
I’ve named you and I claim you
You’ve been my past
You are my present …
The one that I’ll open
In the future …

Fairy Tale Endings & Other Seemingly Unattainable Goals ...

“And they lived happily ever after”. That’s usually at the end of the story I know, but I’m different. Actually, that’s really what I want to address …

I know I’ve walked down this road before, but it looks like there are some things that bear repeating.

Why is it that so many of my sisters are hung up on the fairy tale aspects of a wedding and have not given any real and substantial thought to the marriage that commenced the minute that they said ‘I do’?

That was my question two years ago and it’s still the question now. The thing that I have learnt through observation is that many of the couples that are making that step into matrimony are not really doing so with an eye towards lifetime commitment, but as something they ‘commit’ to until such a time when they invoke the escape clause.

The irony is that they put so much thought into the preparation and execution of the ‘perfect’ wedding. They oversee every last detail – from the colour scheme to the food, the dresses, the notions – EVERYTHING! All must be made perfect for one day. As it happens, when the balloons come down and the chair tie backs are returned, it seems to all be a mystery.

And they lived happily after. Those words have been both blessing and curse since the first time that they were uttered. I’m not saying that we don’t all yearn for that wonderful storybook ending, but what we seem to have forgotten is that none of us can say from the onset that ‘happily ever after’ is carded for us.

As long as we are breathing, viable entities, there will be times of distress, illness, sadness … there will be times of anger and fed-up-ness. What is integral is that as someone in a MARRIAGE, one has to remember that all of these feelings and moments are now shared with someone else.

There are definitely going to be times when you’re going to look at each other and wonder why in the hell you decided to spend the rest of your life with this person. Still, that is not a reason to walk away.

Is it that many of the people today have lost sight of the reasons why they got together in the first place? How is it that the same actions or words that a would-be wife/husband found endearing in their soon to be partner can after a couple of years, and in some cases, after a couple of months, bring their blood to a rapid boil when simmered in the pot of annoyance and disgust?

The other thing that I end up wondering is whether some of the people who seem to have no staying power had actually SETTLED in the first place. Is it that they wanted a wedding so much that they hitched their wagon to a star that wasn’t really supposed to be theirs?

Honestly – whatever the means or reasons for these connections, they are SUPPOSED to LAST. The words that some people recite when they make their vows to each other are actually supposed to be PRAYED. It’s a prayer people, not just some random words strung together to entertain your guests. People see vows as something that you get through … words you parrot after the officiant … words said before they get to the ring and the kiss. Not so …

A vow is a promise; and this particular vow is one made before God and men. It’s a sacred vow … but at times it has been obvious to me that the parties involved have no idea what they are saying … nor do they take the time to understand the significance of the words being prayed. You are effectively promising God, in the presence of witnesses, that you are going to love, cherish and respect each other for the rest of your lives – no matter what. That is a difficult prospect, but had you taken the time to grow to know and REALLY love the person that you are standing with before God, then you will make it.

Where is all of this coming from? I have no idea. Maybe it’s born out of the observation that people are more willing to walk away form their partners and marriages easily because they have forgotten what had gotten them to marriage in the first place.

I’m not married. I still hope to be one day and soon, but I have sung at enough weddings to know what I speak of. I take the time to mention this because there are people I’m sure who would love to tell me a thing or two about what I have written. Lemme just say that I am not bashing anyone. I’m just trying to remind the Married of their vows, the Engaged of the marriage that comes after the wedding and the Single to take the time to make wise and informed choices.

And they lived happily after. The other aspect of this is that some of us have conveniently chosen to forget that there was stress, intrigue and drama in every fairy tale that had a happy ending. The prince didn’t just get the princess. There was work to be done … witches to vanquish and dragons to be slain.

The lesson therefore is that the work must be done and the mountains must be breached before the happily ever after can be attained…

Go find your beautiful princess and your prince charming by all means, but take the time to pull a page or two out their stories so that in the end, others can look at the two of you and confidently proclaim …

“And they lived happily ever after … The Beginning!”

A Tale of Scales and Fish...

You – yeah – you …
You Libra man
You are the scales on
Me the fish…
And I don’t mean weight
I mean that you –
You sweet, affable
And unbalanced, loving Libra
Are the scales that
I, the loving, insecure,
All giving Piscean woman
Am always trying to shake off
Scrape free from, peel away
But I can’t
And it’s not that I really want too …
Because when you decide
To wrap yourself around me
When you take it to heart that
I am the one that you
Want to engulf in your strength
To shower in your love
To bathe in your care
When the realization hits
That I am the one …
Then am I well and truly treasured
Then am I unbelievable precious
Then do I glow in your amorous
Embrace, in your Cloak of Eros

And honey …
Those scales become diamonds …
Iridescent light
Fractured yet whole as
I proudly don this
Suit of your grace
This dress made of you
Your essence, your unique you-ness…
Take off these scales?
Heaven forbid that I
Would lose even one
I love that you
Are stuck to me like glue.
You are my scales
My armor, my protector
My one my heart
My all
And this fish wants nothing less
Than the all that you have to give
To me and me alone!

Wishing ...

Sitting still offers up the opportunity to think of you
Being silent gives me time to think about the words that have passed between us.
Dreaming gives me flashbacks of moments, of looks, of smiles … and previews of things hoped for and to come.
You are my heart, my love … you are my love, my heart…
So few are our moments together. Yes, there is time between us,
But moments – moments when I see the true essence of you – these moments when you bring the real me to the surface … moments when the lightest touch of your hand can feel like being hit by lightening ~ those moments are yet rare between us, My Love.
I dare not move, for fear of losing this sweet, short space in our time. Would that I could capture it forever and seal it in my heart for my love and I to share it again anon…
Wishing makes it all seem possible. Hoping makes it probably.
Being next to you makes it real.
My side is cold … you are not here …
Come back ~
I miss you, My Heart.

Daydreaming & Thinking of You...

I dream of the day
When I wake up in your arms
I’m thinking of the possibilities
That await us
I’m trippin’ when I think
About the love I have for you
And the love in your heart for me
I’m dreaming of our future
As we try to navigate our present
While learning lessons from the past
I dream of the love and life
Waiting for us to get to the point
Of agreeing that I’m you’re and you’re mine
I’m thinking of the times before
When we lived and loved
In times gone by – uninhibited by
Thoughts of loss and fear
Honest with each other
Fearless and fierce in our
Devotion to each other
I dream of living our lives
The way we did in leaves of old
I dream of your arms around me
And your voice whispering
In my ear that you are mine
And will be with me until
I dream of we and meditate
On what is ahead for us
My dreams and my thoughts
Collide with my reality
As I see you approach me
Smiling at me that smile
That holds a promise
Of what is to come
Of what will be
Of what is being built
So I dream ~ I dream for you and me
I dream for we
And wait for the day
When we as we
Begin to build our dreams
Together…

THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW...

The night may not have been the best time you ever had. The previous day may have been the kind that makes you want to go back to bed and start over again … but in all fairness to the new day – there’s always tomorrow.

We are given the chance, with each new daybreak, to reinvent ourselves, to begin again with a clean slate. It is actually our own psyches that cause us to hold tight to the pains, hurts and disappointments of the previous day.

We supposedly keep that tight grasp as a means of ‘reflection’. It still astounds me that we never seem to reflect on the positives … on the gifts of light and love that have come our way during the 24-hour pass … only on the negatives.

We spend our nights – most of us – sifting through the sands of doubt and shame, hurt and anger, insecurity and fear, instead of saying to self and Maker that we vow to make it better tomorrow and paying tribute to the ones who have affected us in a good way.

We hoard every perceived injustice and as such we hand over our personal power to people who are in now way deserving of that privilege.

The actions of one vengeful, manipulative, sneaky and just plain malevolent human should not cause the tailspin that I have personally allowed to happen, but I did. It is my fault that I have allowed my own insecurities to cloud my joy and common sense … but allow it I did.

I now take the time to assure myself and others that there’s always tomorrow … and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Our opportunities for a clean slate are endless, yet we continue to swim in the current quagmire of choice…

The universe constantly sends us clues and reassurances, but in our chase of the illusive of yesterday we miss them.

Allow yourself the privilege of looking up and outward to tomorrow instead of holding on to and looking down at yesterday. Certainly, live in today, and live your best today. Crap happens, disappointments may very well occur, but remember that when everywhere else there are walls, magnets and nails holding you in this place of sadness and uncertainty, the sun will rise again …

Because there’s always tomorrow!