TOUCHING ME ... FEELING YOU...

I’m touching me with you in mind I’m feeling you all over me All around me, all in me My body craves the REAL you But gladly acts as your sensual surrogate I’m feeling you while touching me I hear your voice in my head And I feel all the words In my every breath, my every pore I feel, I want, I need, I crave … Every feeling begins and ends with “YOU” Every single breath is punctuated By wicked, juicy thoughts of you My hands crave and need to feel you My body goes on point at the sound of your name You say things to me about me That takes my breath away I love that my voice brings Your body to willing attention We touch us, and feel each other The mutuality is all we need Till we can feel and reach and touch And explore and satisfy what needs to be satisfied Then die to live and die again Please touch me But this time … Touch more than my soul.

HIS EYES ...

I looked into his eyes
And I got lost …
Happily lost in their depths
Lost in the restful pools
That allow him access to my soul
He can see into me with those eyes
And he doesn’t even have to try
I can see myself in his eyes too
I watch, fascinated, as I fall
Deeper and deeper into his eyes
Deeper and deeper into him

He holds my gaze
And keeps my attention
In such a way that
I forget who may have
Squatted here before
Happily lost am I in
The cool assurance of his stare
Warmed by the dark lava like
Center orbs that into me see
I feel the heat on my face
As we silently explore our new intimacy

He pulls me in with
Those tractor beams
I’m swimming … going
Further than I need to but
Who cares…
I want to be need to him
To be totally mesmerized
By the cool heat
Of his eyes…

Once ...

Once I wandered
In the Desert of
My own Lonely Heart …
Once I sat on the
Edge of the Lake
Of Sorrow and Tears
Convinced that there
Was nothing written
In the Book of
Happiness for me …

I made my peace
Longed no more for a piece
Of the Joy that I
Recognized in others

Then you appeared
On my horizon
With a Smile that
Inspired Laughter
And Laughter that
Brought the Dormant
To Life
You saw through me –
You saw ME.
You Heard me
And yet you Listened
You Dared me to
Take a Chance –
Just once …

I Wondered
I Meditated
I Procrastinated
And you Knew …
You Watched me
As I put my toe
Into the water – daring
To make a move –
Just once …

You made me Look
At myself through your eyes
And amazed I was
To see myself as
Beautiful and vibrant …
Sexy and sexual
A woman alive –
For once …


You are the Sun
In my Shine
You gave me what I needed
To peel away the shell
That once protected my Heart, my Me
My Being

You’ve shared yourself with me
And let me do the same with you

I love you
Not for any particular reason
But for all the silly reasons
That make me love you more
I’ve named you and I claim you
You’ve been my past
You are my present …
The one that I’ll open
In the future …

Fairy Tale Endings & Other Seemingly Unattainable Goals ...

“And they lived happily ever after”. That’s usually at the end of the story I know, but I’m different. Actually, that’s really what I want to address …

I know I’ve walked down this road before, but it looks like there are some things that bear repeating.

Why is it that so many of my sisters are hung up on the fairy tale aspects of a wedding and have not given any real and substantial thought to the marriage that commenced the minute that they said ‘I do’?

That was my question two years ago and it’s still the question now. The thing that I have learnt through observation is that many of the couples that are making that step into matrimony are not really doing so with an eye towards lifetime commitment, but as something they ‘commit’ to until such a time when they invoke the escape clause.

The irony is that they put so much thought into the preparation and execution of the ‘perfect’ wedding. They oversee every last detail – from the colour scheme to the food, the dresses, the notions – EVERYTHING! All must be made perfect for one day. As it happens, when the balloons come down and the chair tie backs are returned, it seems to all be a mystery.

And they lived happily after. Those words have been both blessing and curse since the first time that they were uttered. I’m not saying that we don’t all yearn for that wonderful storybook ending, but what we seem to have forgotten is that none of us can say from the onset that ‘happily ever after’ is carded for us.

As long as we are breathing, viable entities, there will be times of distress, illness, sadness … there will be times of anger and fed-up-ness. What is integral is that as someone in a MARRIAGE, one has to remember that all of these feelings and moments are now shared with someone else.

There are definitely going to be times when you’re going to look at each other and wonder why in the hell you decided to spend the rest of your life with this person. Still, that is not a reason to walk away.

Is it that many of the people today have lost sight of the reasons why they got together in the first place? How is it that the same actions or words that a would-be wife/husband found endearing in their soon to be partner can after a couple of years, and in some cases, after a couple of months, bring their blood to a rapid boil when simmered in the pot of annoyance and disgust?

The other thing that I end up wondering is whether some of the people who seem to have no staying power had actually SETTLED in the first place. Is it that they wanted a wedding so much that they hitched their wagon to a star that wasn’t really supposed to be theirs?

Honestly – whatever the means or reasons for these connections, they are SUPPOSED to LAST. The words that some people recite when they make their vows to each other are actually supposed to be PRAYED. It’s a prayer people, not just some random words strung together to entertain your guests. People see vows as something that you get through … words you parrot after the officiant … words said before they get to the ring and the kiss. Not so …

A vow is a promise; and this particular vow is one made before God and men. It’s a sacred vow … but at times it has been obvious to me that the parties involved have no idea what they are saying … nor do they take the time to understand the significance of the words being prayed. You are effectively promising God, in the presence of witnesses, that you are going to love, cherish and respect each other for the rest of your lives – no matter what. That is a difficult prospect, but had you taken the time to grow to know and REALLY love the person that you are standing with before God, then you will make it.

Where is all of this coming from? I have no idea. Maybe it’s born out of the observation that people are more willing to walk away form their partners and marriages easily because they have forgotten what had gotten them to marriage in the first place.

I’m not married. I still hope to be one day and soon, but I have sung at enough weddings to know what I speak of. I take the time to mention this because there are people I’m sure who would love to tell me a thing or two about what I have written. Lemme just say that I am not bashing anyone. I’m just trying to remind the Married of their vows, the Engaged of the marriage that comes after the wedding and the Single to take the time to make wise and informed choices.

And they lived happily after. The other aspect of this is that some of us have conveniently chosen to forget that there was stress, intrigue and drama in every fairy tale that had a happy ending. The prince didn’t just get the princess. There was work to be done … witches to vanquish and dragons to be slain.

The lesson therefore is that the work must be done and the mountains must be breached before the happily ever after can be attained…

Go find your beautiful princess and your prince charming by all means, but take the time to pull a page or two out their stories so that in the end, others can look at the two of you and confidently proclaim …

“And they lived happily ever after … The Beginning!”

A Tale of Scales and Fish...

You – yeah – you …
You Libra man
You are the scales on
Me the fish…
And I don’t mean weight
I mean that you –
You sweet, affable
And unbalanced, loving Libra
Are the scales that
I, the loving, insecure,
All giving Piscean woman
Am always trying to shake off
Scrape free from, peel away
But I can’t
And it’s not that I really want too …
Because when you decide
To wrap yourself around me
When you take it to heart that
I am the one that you
Want to engulf in your strength
To shower in your love
To bathe in your care
When the realization hits
That I am the one …
Then am I well and truly treasured
Then am I unbelievable precious
Then do I glow in your amorous
Embrace, in your Cloak of Eros

And honey …
Those scales become diamonds …
Iridescent light
Fractured yet whole as
I proudly don this
Suit of your grace
This dress made of you
Your essence, your unique you-ness…
Take off these scales?
Heaven forbid that I
Would lose even one
I love that you
Are stuck to me like glue.
You are my scales
My armor, my protector
My one my heart
My all
And this fish wants nothing less
Than the all that you have to give
To me and me alone!

Wishing ...

Sitting still offers up the opportunity to think of you
Being silent gives me time to think about the words that have passed between us.
Dreaming gives me flashbacks of moments, of looks, of smiles … and previews of things hoped for and to come.
You are my heart, my love … you are my love, my heart…
So few are our moments together. Yes, there is time between us,
But moments – moments when I see the true essence of you – these moments when you bring the real me to the surface … moments when the lightest touch of your hand can feel like being hit by lightening ~ those moments are yet rare between us, My Love.
I dare not move, for fear of losing this sweet, short space in our time. Would that I could capture it forever and seal it in my heart for my love and I to share it again anon…
Wishing makes it all seem possible. Hoping makes it probably.
Being next to you makes it real.
My side is cold … you are not here …
Come back ~
I miss you, My Heart.

I NEED A PHONE ...

I need a phone … not just any phone … I want a phone exactly like the one that I have. Why? Because I like my phone. What I don’t like however is the fact that my phone is falling apart as we speak.

The little non-entity that sold me my phone must really not have liked me, but that’s okay … I know why he didn’t and probably still doesn’t like me. I will however continue to stand by the statement that I made to said individual.

All I need is a Motorola Z-6 that works the way it should … that will not fall apart on me at the slightest nudge or smallest fall … I want a Z6 that is reliable, won’t drop calls, won’t leave me without a bar of service at the most inopportune times … is that too much to ask?

I need a phone – JUST like my phone but different. Different in a way that makes sense to me … different in performance, but the same in looks … ya feel me?

I want my phone to be there for me and only me … password protected or not … my phone and I must have a one-to-one kind of relationship… it must answer when I call and be there for me and me alone…

Relationship … hmmm …

Interesting choice of word … I mean I am talking about a phone after all … right???

Many of us relate to our electronic gadgets the way we relate to the people in our lives. We can’t function without them and have forgotten what life was like before them. Could it be that we just want to belong so badly that we lose our common sense as soon as the next new thing appears on the horizon?

Not me! I just want my own phone but different. That makes perfect sense doesn’t it???

It’s like wanting your old boyfriend back, exactly as he was but different. You want his big strong arms, but you don’t want his temper. You want his sexual prowess, but you can do without the jealousy. You adore his thick curly hair, but can live away from his foul mouth. You know … EXACTLY alike but different…

Me? I just want a brand spanking new Motorola Z-6, in a new colour, but JUST LIKE my current phone – just without the moodiness, the dropped calls, the falling apart … stuff like that…

It’s not like I’m askin’ for the world or somethin’ …

Sheesh!

THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW...

The night may not have been the best time you ever had. The previous day may have been the kind that makes you want to go back to bed and start over again … but in all fairness to the new day – there’s always tomorrow.

We are given the chance, with each new daybreak, to reinvent ourselves, to begin again with a clean slate. It is actually our own psyches that cause us to hold tight to the pains, hurts and disappointments of the previous day.

We supposedly keep that tight grasp as a means of ‘reflection’. It still astounds me that we never seem to reflect on the positives … on the gifts of light and love that have come our way during the 24-hour pass … only on the negatives.

We spend our nights – most of us – sifting through the sands of doubt and shame, hurt and anger, insecurity and fear, instead of saying to self and Maker that we vow to make it better tomorrow and paying tribute to the ones who have affected us in a good way.

We hoard every perceived injustice and as such we hand over our personal power to people who are in now way deserving of that privilege.

The actions of one vengeful, manipulative, sneaky and just plain malevolent human should not cause the tailspin that I have personally allowed to happen, but I did. It is my fault that I have allowed my own insecurities to cloud my joy and common sense … but allow it I did.

I now take the time to assure myself and others that there’s always tomorrow … and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Our opportunities for a clean slate are endless, yet we continue to swim in the current quagmire of choice…

The universe constantly sends us clues and reassurances, but in our chase of the illusive of yesterday we miss them.

Allow yourself the privilege of looking up and outward to tomorrow instead of holding on to and looking down at yesterday. Certainly, live in today, and live your best today. Crap happens, disappointments may very well occur, but remember that when everywhere else there are walls, magnets and nails holding you in this place of sadness and uncertainty, the sun will rise again …

Because there’s always tomorrow!

Ode to a Plague (a.k.a. Seriously? Really?)

What right do you have
Saying things like that to me …
Bringing every buried insecurity
Back to the surface
Like black crude on salty sea?
Who the hell gave you permission
To unleash my salted tide of tears
You left this situation
You gave up claim
To this wonderful property
And so now it is that
Someone else sees the value
That is naturally inherent
In this yet properly harvested ground
You have decided to claim jump?
I – don’t – think – so
You see…
Due to circumstances beyond my control
I have taken up residence
On this chunk of fertile land
And I do not intend to leave it …
Nor do I share well
The opportunity to develop
What was left barren
Was yours
Yours!
In the palm of your hand
Yours!
And walk away you did
What you don’t realize
Is that this land was willed to me
Lifetimes ago
And you … you with your supposed hopes and dreams
And in actuality … you with your lies
Are nothing but a hiccup
In the game of Destiny
You are hereby dismissed
You are now officially evicted
This land, my darling, is my land
From sea to fuckin shining sea
For as far as the ‘I’ can see
And then back again
Yes, you planted a seed
And it bore a beautiful fruit
For that I am thankful
Yes you would always be connected to this land
Through that precious bud
But never assume that
Visiting that plant somehow
Erases the memory of ill use
And grants you your former leasing agreement
Because it doesn’t.
You are not now or will you ever be
Tenant at will
You will however
Fade back to the dust and darkness
From which you sprang
You who attempts to declare yourself as owner
You of the lost rights
And plans dashed
On the banks of your own insipidness
You who never understood
The gift that ownership of this fine land
Really ever meant
You who missed the joy of cultivation
Through your need to manipulate and scar
You who makes me thankful
For I have now come to the place
Where I can happily, honestly and truly
Reclaim that which is now and has always been
Mine.
And as such …
You are hereby asked to take your spite,
Your meanness, along with
The temporary key to the Pandora box
That is my insecurity
And graciously remove yourself
From my homestead.
Your presence is no longer
Desired or required.
Be gone!

TIME, LOVE AND TENDERNESS ...

I realized after I named this blog that the title actually belong s to a Michael Bolton song, but that’s okay … at least I’m in brilliant company.
What I’m referring to here is the sometimes soppy way that the ones who love us worry about our welfare.

I have to travel today to get home … no riding home with ‘THE BIG H’ as my mom calls the man of my dreams, and I have been mandated to do the following:-
1. Exhaust all avenues of getting a ride home
2. If no one is available, please be careful getting to the main street
3. Careful choosing cabs and cab drivers
4. Call as soon as I get to my door

Now you would think that I have never taken public transportation before – right? Or that I’m probably 12. I love the fact that ‘H’ worries but sometimes I feel that he’s worse than Mother Hen. What did he think I did before he arrived on the scene?
Isn’t it wonderful to be treated like a precious gem? It’s like a door opened and let the light in and suddenly, there is someone who is able to see our TRUE worth.

So it is when our Heavenly Father looks at us; he worries about us because he loves us…

The sad thing is that we do not ourselves take the TIME to look at ourselves with LOVE or with TENDERNESS. The truth is that we really do not have to look very far to see ourselves in that light. We have only to look into the eyes of those who truly love us. We look so good that we sometimes doubt our own reflections.

It’s not that our Loved Ones see us as blemish free or truly pure. What it is is that they see us as we truly are – human, with quirks and foibles. The difference is that we tend to be extra hard on ourselves, and they are more than willing – in most cases – to give us the benefit of the doubt, just as we are willing to do for them.

What a wonderfully symbiotic relationship.

Take the TIME to see yourself as the precious gem that you really are. Look at yourself through eyes of LOVE for yourself and treat yourself with TENDERNESS. It’s the least that you can do for YOU.

Hollaback!

To The One Who Holds My Heart ...

I love you.

I love you now like I’ve loved you for lifetimes past and yet to come.

I loved you when you were my father and I loved you when our roles were reversed and I was your husband…

There have been so many love stories between us, so many joys … so many tears, and yet we are drawn to each other lifetime after lifetime - like rainbows to the sky after the storm has passed.

I love you.

I love you even when you infuriate me wit your standoffish behaviour. I love you when you work my last nerve with your wisecracks one day and your silence on the next.

My love for you has given you the control over my personal weather patterns – you bring me my joy … can be responsible for my pain and are the catalyst for my silent contemplations. Your love for me makes me easier to be around, happier than I have been and freer to love you more.

I love you.

That’s all there is to this, and that’s all there needs to be to this…

You are my heart … you have my heart…

Always in All Ways,

Me…

We Build ...

We build our dreams apart from each other
In the hopes that they will align
When we come together
We build our lives being sure to make room
In our constant evolution
For the ones who hold our hearts
We build our hopes on rainbows
That bridge the distance between
Our reality and our intent
Our truths are constructed
From the innuendo that springs
Out of the contact we have
With our perspective partners
With the people we meet and
Dare to dream that they
Would agree to be our friends
We spend our lives building
Those erector sets presented to
Us at birth – gifts from the fates
The fates being the same ones
Who delight in sometimes reeking havoc
And throwing lightening bolts at us
Knocking our tentative efforts
To the ground
We build constantly –
Our hopes, dreams, truths and aspirations
We may not always know the ultimate destination
But our search for happiness drives us
Yet further to build and build and build
We do so at a frenzied pace
Anxious to get to the point
Where we can say “That’ll do” …
But are we ever really sated
Or do we stop when we belive
We have accomplished what was fated
We build each other up
And break each other down
We build for hope and glory
We build for love and comfort
We build with each other … we build for each other
We dream and we build and we search until
We come upon the one…
That one who we were searching for
The ‘You’ in our ‘You and Me’ … the ‘Them’ in our ‘We’
The one who causes us to build in
The hope of finding the missing brick
The lost puzzle piece
The one who holds our balance
The music to our dance
The dance we dance as we build our
Castles in the Air…

Astral Connections...

In that wonderful place between slumber and consciousness

In that magical midnight witching hour

Your spirit finds mine and awakens me

To the wondrous delight of your astral ministrations

With fervor and heat and an urgency sweet

You arouse the dormant needs that flow through me

The want that inflames me the desire that moves me

And you feed me with the good, sweet

And intoxicating things that only your aura brings

You capture me with arms made of gossamer

And kiss me with lips made of mist

Everything about you feels so solid and true and strong

But you’re not really there

I am surrounded by your essence

The truest sense of your being

Yet physical vision causes your image to flee

I see you trough astral eyes

Through the vision of

A woman in love with her man

A woman at ease with going with this particular flow

One who is being made love to in the highest form of adoration

With the sweetest tenderness on that soft, silk wrapped cloud

Known as Astral Splendor

Our spirits meet … part and meet again

Our coming together a moment of mutual pleasure

In a place where time has no value

Soul to soul, yet skin to skin

We love on a plane where you penetrate

Not only my willing body but you make love to my

Ever expanding mind

My open surrender to you is matched

Only by your willing acceptance of me

And vice versa

Together we explore the many levels of astral pleasure laid out before us

Over and over and over again until our spirits can do no more

But explode into faceted crystal pieces falling gently to the earth like rain

As we disconnect from the silver cord that held us in place

As we loved the night away

In that secret place known only to you and me

On the Astral Plane …

The Story of My Life...

I’ve been trying to write my own story
But I’m finding it hard to do right now
‘Cuz I’m finding it difficult to write my story
Without your presence
I can’t remember what it was like before you
And I don’t think I want to
You have permeated every corner of my life
Your aura lingers long after you’re gone
When you’re here time flies
When you’re gone it stretches on and on

Write my life story without you?
Why would I even try
It’s clichéd I know
But you are a part of me
You are a part of my smile
You contribute to my joy
Your smile brings me laughter
And your hurt leaves me tears

Write my story without you?
I’m not even sure that
I could live my life without you
I miss you as soon as
You’re apart from me
And I anticipate your arrival
Like a child awaiting a treat
Silly, isn’t it?

I do wonder sometimes
Can you write your story without me?
Could you go a day without me?
Do you wonder about me when
I’m away from you
Does my absence leave a hole in your chest?
The way your absence leaves me bereft?

There are days when I’m given a
Peek into the window of your soul
And there are times when
I believe I can see my reflection there
And then … as swiftly as it appears
The portal is shut and I’m left again
To wonder like Alice

Whatever the reason or season
I am thankful for the footprints
That you’ve left on my heart
For the moment that you were
Gifted to me
All those lifetimes ago
And I am blessed in the knowledge
That your heart has found me
Yet again

May I suggest
That we write our stories together
One more time …

INTENTIONS ...

I had every intention
Of telling you what’s been
Floating around my heart –
The way my stomach
Double dips every time
I think about you

I had every intention
Of confessing my desire
To let my fingers
Do the walking all over
Your smooth, honey-toned body
As I explore the ridges
Hills, valleys and planes
Of your landscape

My truest intention
Was to let you know
That I desire more than
Want you, like I desire
Air and water for life
I say desire because
A want manifests a lack
And there is no lack here
Just a desire for more and more

My body intends
To warm itself in
The fire of your presence
Just as my soul
Intends to bond with yours
And find solace in the
Knowledge that we are as one

I have every intention
Of making my intentions known
I intend to bring them
To reality
‘Cuz I believe that your
Intentions match mine
So
Are you ever going to
Verbalize those intentions of yours?

Heart Ramblings Too ...

My heartstrings are tuned

To your tone now

You call to my heart

And you answer me

When I summon you

There is no need for words

Between us – not anymore –

Your beautiful mind

Harkens to mine…

My heart explodes

Like so many

Roman candles

As it comes to grips

With the pain truth

And the truth is

That I am humbled

By the depth of

Your love for me

I am blessed that

You chose to bless me

I am thankful

That we are here

In this time

In this place

Together … as we

Have been in lifetimes past

And grateful that we’ve

Found each other yet again

Through the mists of time …

So long have we

Waited to one again

Connect as one – as we …

So long have we

Searched for each other

So that we can once again

Say to each other

“I love you

those three words

have my life in them”…

SAYING GOODBYE IS NEVER EASY … BUT SOMETIMES IT’S NECESSARY…

Things have changed in my life --- I’ve made some major decisions and I chose the fork in the road that I wish to follow …

The interesting thing is that I’ve changed my status and all of a sudden, there are people yelling at me from all points of the globe that I must be crazy. “Say it ain’t so!” yelled one friend; “Explain!” shouted another. One of them even accused the system of making the change – it certainly could not have been me…

It’s all amusing I think, and touching as well. I never realized how many people counted on my relationship lasting the way THEY wanted it to. Truth be known I was one of them, but circumstances have conspired to make sure that things went otherwise.

It must be hard for so many of my friends to understand why I have made this decision, just the way that it was easy for others to get it as well. I reflect now on the conversations that I have had over the past week with certain members of my inner sanctum, and I am amazed at the responses that I received form some people. I have since been told by a few choice members that they were just waiting for me to get to this point of realization and revelation.

The process has not been an easy one … I have cried and yelled and meditated and worried and even guilted myself at times, and that’s fine too.

Many have wondered what my reasons are for this change, for this shift of the status quo, and it is relatively simple… I refuse to allow myself to be treated as an option and not a priority in the life of the man who is supposed to cherish my heart.
I refuse to allow former pain and insecurity to dictate the pace of my relationship.
I can no longer stand by and wait until the man who declares love for me finally decides that he is prepared to move forward, while I stand in tide waters which constantly rise due to my feet being cemented into the shores of stasis.

This was no easy decision making process. This has been my perceived happiness for over four years. The fortunate or unfortunate thing depending on your point of view is that four years can be broken down and dissected in four weeks, four days, even four hours whenever change must be made.

I finally realized that I have allowed myself to accept the half measures that were meted out to me and considered myself ‘pseudo-happy’ in the process. So comfortable was I in my perceived bliss that I convinced myself that this life of lack was my assigned lot. Should this be so, then I have now changed my assignment.

I deserve more than the scraps from any man’s emotional table. I deserve to be treated like the precious soul and woman that I am. I deserve more than lip service and dammit I deserve the position of FIRST in the life of the man who holds my heart … in the same way that I give of myself, I expect like treatment in return.

So …

The door to yesterday has been firmly shut, and yes there is a part of me that will always love him and what he represented for me. The door to tomorrow has been opened and it is time for me to walk through … and that I intend to do joyously.
Your choice if you come with me or no … I hope you do but if you don’t then …

Adieu…